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Getting your man to clean...
This is the one thing my FI and I argue about. We will discuss it and then he will be better for a while and then it gets bad again.
I made a list of everything I do and what needs to be done around the house and we split it. He picked what he wanted to do. Then he drags his feet or flat out refuses to do it. And when he does, he doesn't finish it completely. (He left leaves on the floor the other day because 'the vacuum didn't pick it up'. WTF?!)
I have tried asking him nicely to do it. I have tried not saying anything. Basically I have to get really pissed before it gets done half the time. My dream is he will just do it in a timely manner and actually finish the chore and I won't have to say anything.
Why does he make me feel like his mother (cleanig up after him) and mine (a huge nagger) at the same time?
I'm sure this post makes me sound like a biitch and a huge nag, but I'm really not! 
How do I get him to understand that it is his house and mess too? And just because he doesn't like to do it, doesn't mean "it's a Fawn thing".
What have you guys done and found helpful? I feel like an under-appreciated maid that works for free.
PS~ We both work full time. And me just doing it isn't an option. Helping out is important to me because it leads into raising kids and I refuse to do that all by myself.
Re: Getting your man to clean...
DH and I both work full-time as well. Our household responsibilities are probably somewhere near 60 / 40 with me taking on most of the work. He does all the outside work, car upkeep, and most of the cooking. I do most of the cleaning, all of the laundry, and all of the finances.
I used to get so stressed about him helping. How he did the job, how long it took him, what products he used, etc. We had a nice long talk about what constitutes a 'clean house' to each of us and we meet in the middle. We each have different areas that we are picky about. If I want the sink to shine, I'll do it myself. If he wants the yard to be perfect, he will do it on his own.
One thing to get him up and cleaning that really works for DH is to see me cleaning. I prefer to clean when he's not here, but if he sees me on my hands and knees scrubbing the floor he will ask how he can help. Otherwise I think he imagines a fairy comes and cleans while he is away at work or something! When he helps I shower him with positive reinforcement and mention how happy it made me often. A little positive reinforcement never hurt anyone. hahaha Good luck!
I hope that we come to a time in our lives like this, SOON! haha.
I usually clean when he isn't home, maybe I will try to do more when he is home. I would rather spend time with him, but if it gets him to clean, it would be worth it.
I tried to plan out our days off where we do some cleaning together and just knock it out, and then we would have the rest of the day to play. But he wasn't liking that. Now he came up with this brilliant idea, I don't know where he heard it, (cough, cough) to clean a little bit every day he works so he has his weekend free.
Hopefully that will go well.
I used to thank him for doing stuff, even though he didn't finish it. (Thanks for vacuuming. Next time could you vacuum in the corners since hair and dust bunnies gather there?) Now I feel he knows how to do a proper job (like taking out all the garbage, not just some of it) and feel that I shouldn't reward him for not finishing something.
What do you think? When should I expect him to grow up and help out? It has been 2 years of me trying to get him to start and finish his part. I am sick of the games.
I wish I could offer some wisdom here, but my spouse does NOTHING.
Last time I created a thread like this, people got very defensive and insisted that their spouses did almost all the housework, and whatever he didn't do was only because they insisted on doing it themselves.
Keep at it, and good luck.
I'm sort of in the same boat. H rarely cleans but when he does, it's half-assed or just poorly done. I would go to put the dishes away and find I need to re-wash most of them because there is still food on there (we have to do them by hand). It's quite annoying and I have no idea how to find the rights words to not come off as a nagging mommy but still stress how important clean silverware is!
I like the idea of sitting down and talking about what a clean house means but I am afraid how it would end, haha.
Good luck?
I need it too!
BJs... lots of BJs...
Seriously, my SO was the sloppiest person I had ever met. I tried nagging, threatening, begging, coercing, and just not giving a d@mn anymore. Nothing worked..
... until one day he took it upon himself to do some major cleaning with no prompting. We had some awesome sex that night. A few days later, he cleaned again... there was more amazing sex.
He now equates cleaning=better than your average roll in the hay.
DH and I have always had very similar schedules, to the point we used to carpool together. So when we are home, he is aware of what I'm doing and will ask what I'd like him to do. And if for some reason he doesn't, or he's not focusing on the tasks I'd like to see done, I'll ask "hey, can you run this trash out while I'm cooking dinner?" or "Can you clean the cat boxes while I'm starting laundry?"
Another thing to think about is why you clean. You vaccuum so the dirt doesn't grind in and the fibers mashed up and ruin the carpet - which costs a lot to replace You wipe down the counters after dinner so you don't get bugs (or worse, rodents) and have to call the exterminator. I think it's easy to not think about the consequences of not cleaning when you're young and haven't had to pay $$$ to replace stuff before it was time.
Cleaning a little each day is a great idea if ya'll can get in the habit. And a little positive reinforcement never hurts like pp mentioned. Also, check your own mindset... you are a team, he is not supposed to be "helping out" just like dads don't "babysit" their own kids.
What things does he really hate doing? Or which ones does he think are not worth doing? I would ask him to do things that he sees value in. Does he have any pet peeves? My DH *hates* having to do things last minute, he likes to choose his time. So I don't point out that the lawn needs mowing today. I point out a few days earlier that the lawn is going to need mowing pretty soon. And maybe he'll do it that day. Or maybe in a couple days. Sometimes we set goals for stuff we want to get done during the week if we have some little tasks to do, but we always set goals for the weekends so we know what needs doing and can pick the task and the time that suits us.
This is exactly why I need him to get this down now, not in 25 years.
I brought this same thing up after we left a family function. One of his aunts said that his cousin "babysat" the kids.... It just caught my attention and made me think a lot about that. (The dad is a fireman and has really long shifts so his wife is used to doing all of that stuff, so it isn't quite as bad.)
I hate to give you a TIP answer, but this is a common TIP problem. It's very unlikely that he'll change. It's been two years -- why should he change when you've proven that you'll put up with this behavior? Did his mommy take care of everything for him too? If he hasn't "grown up" by now, he probably never will. Has he ever lived on his own or did he move from his parents' home/the dorm room into the one you both share now?
According to your bio, you aren't married yet. You need to decide if you can live this way for the rest of your life. You're walking into this with your eyes wide open -- that means you lose the right to complain about any of this after you say "I do."
DH was/is the same way. We decided it was more trouble than it was worth for him to clean so we worked it out so I work much less than he does and take care of house/kitchen chores instead. When he didn't have a great job right after college that meant him doing extra side jobs, working weekends, etc. Now that he has a better job he actually wants me to work less than I want to so I have more free time.
It won't hurt my "career" (I'm a baker) and his earning potential is much higher than mine so our solution isn't for everyone but I can say that he's a total slob and I don't feel like he's not pulling his weight when I spend a day cleaning up after him. He'll pitch in if I'm sick, or busy or need the help but it's not as clean as any reasonable person would have made it (dirty dishes put away, swiffered with the wrong side of the pad down, etc.)
You might also get him to pay for a maid out of his fun money, or something else along those lines to even things up. I know you want him to "grow up" but some adults aren't very tidy and if you decide this is the marriage you want you can work around it. Being a team doesn't have to mean that every person does half of every task. You can play to your strengths.
If I've learned anything in the past 8 or so years with my DH it is that he doesn't see "clean" the same way that I do. My standards are a lot higher
I don't know if it is the way that they were raised, but a lot of them weren't taught HOW to do housework. Would your boyfriend be opposed to letting you teach him something?
Somebody else mentioned keeping up with routines and a little bit of cleaning everyday - this has helped me so much. I find that having a place for everything helps too - I've started doing things like hanging up his jacket in the closet every day after he throws it on the dining room chair - and low and behold he started doing it himself. I also set up a laundry sorter instead of a single catch all laundry basket hidden in the closet. He's started throwing his laundry in there and now I don't have to spend 10 minutes sorting it every time I do laundry.
When he does do something (even if it isn't up to your standards) be thankful that he did something! Being positive goes a long way. Good luck!