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Ladies whose babies do not STTN
Do your husbands get up with the baby at a certain point?
Lance and I have been fighting about this since Wyatt was about 2 months old. Since I don't work, I get up with Wyatt all night, which is completely understandable, but when it comes to really bad nights (like last night) he still doesn't seem to think he should have to help.
Last night Wyatt got up a total of 8 times, once for 2 full hours (at 2am) that I could not get him to settle no matter what I did. Finally at 4am, with Wyatt still crying in his crib I went to Lance and said 'I've gotten no sleep tonight, I can't do it anymore right now, I need you to take a turn' he said 'I have to work in the morning, I can't get up, so no'
So here he's had a full 8 hours sleep (except to go pee after I asked him to get up with Wyatt), and I've gotten about 4 hours broken sleep, AND I have a shitload of stuff to do today, including get Wyatt to his grandparent's house by noon, which isn't going to happen because I need at least one more hour's sleep before I trust myself to drive.
Obviously I don't think this is fair, so I'm just wondering what everyone else does
Re: Ladies whose babies do not STTN
If Ella wakes up it is only once and I feed her. However, if it is a particularly rough night I can wake up DH and he takes over for a bit (her crying does not wake him up). He doesn't ever complain about taking care of her --but also knows he doesn't usually have what she wants (.) (.)!
One night I was not feeling well and she had a really rough night. Thankfully he wasn't working the next morning so he took her downstairs, made her a bottle out of frozen bm and let me sleep in.
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Sometimes I want to slap Lance for you.
Obviously, I'm not speaking from experience, but the way I see things playing out when our baby comes is that I will be the one who gets up with her during the week when Brice has to work. On the weekends, I would hope that we would take turns to some extent.
That being said, if it's a super rough night and we both have things to do/places to go the next day I would hope that he would step up and help out. In fact, I would be quite pissed if he didn't.
We share the nigh time duties. We feel that this is a team effort and that it isn't fair for one person to have to do the whole night. If it's a real bad night Jason is usually up with him because he is a light sleeper and once he gets up a few times he can't go back to sleep.
When Kyle was waking up and needed to eat/be changed every time he was up, Jason would change his diaper and bring him to me to feed him. After I nursed him sometimes I'd give him back to Jason to put him back down if I was really tired. Now it's usually just to pop his pacifier back in and maybe one feeding, which may be me nursing or a bottle, just depends.
It's definitely not good if the one person who is dealing with and has responsibility for the kid during the day is completely frazzled and hasn't had adequate rest, so it has never made sense to me that that responsibility should only fall on one person. You need to sit down and have a calm discussion about this (preferably when you're both well reseted and not about to put Wyatt down for the night). Not 'If I can't sleep then you're not going to, either!' but 'I really feel like doing this nighttime stuff completely alone is taking a huge toll on my sanity, can I count on you for back up when I really need it?' and really set a good schedule or good parameters to follow. Of course, it kinda seems like L is a bit hard headed and My Way or the Highway so that all may fall on deaf ears.
Not a mother, obviously, but still....
Before I went back to work I was up with him most of the time and DH would get up with him on the weekends. But if it was a bad night we were both up. I have been back at work since May and we both help out. DS was STTN until he got RSV and had to take an inhaler, it makes him restless some nights. Now he is teething (cut his first two teeth this week at the same time) so he has not been sleeping as well. He normally does not want to eat at night, he is just restless and does not take a paci well. I have adjusted to lack of sleep, it took DH longer.
Most of the time, I get up with her because I'm breast feeding and not working, but on a bad night Mike will get up and help me. It is Mike's job to get up and change her diaper when she wakes up at 6ish, though. When she wakes up, he gets up and changes her diaper and then brings her to me so that I can feed her and it allows me not to have to get out of bed. He then will go shower and get ready for work while I'm able to lay in bed and feed Julia.
As an aside, Julia was not sleeping well at all up until her 6 month check-up. Her doctor encouraged me to let her CIO. She said to do our bedtime routine and then put her to bed and DO NOT go back in. It sounds brutal, and is hard to do, but it has made such a difference in her sleep habits. The first night she cried for 45 minutes, but she is now sleeping from about 9pm to 6am. She will cry for about 10 minutes when I put her to bed, but she settles down and sleeps well.
I know that CIO is not for everyone, but it worked for us and I strongly suggest you try it. Good luck and let me know if you have any questions (or want some support)!
We worked as a team when Maggie was still getting up at night. When she was up multiple times, Matt would take anything before 12-1am b/c he always stayed up late anyway. I went to bed around 10. Then anything after 12-1 I would take so Matt got sleep before he got up for work at 7. If it was an extremely bad night and I didn't wake Matt up, he would get mad at me. A few time I have had to wake him up so I could get some sleep. He never complains. I have always let him sleep in on the weekends though, and I would nap with Mags during the day if I needed to. We have always done it together and I think it is important.
I am sorry Lance did that to you. Just because you don't have an outside job doesn't mean you don't work. Being home with a child is VERY much a job. GL!
When Anders was little and not sleeping through the night (before I went to work) Sean and I would trade off getting up with him or we would get up together to try and calm Anders down and feed him. Sean works 12-14 hour days, but we chose to be parents together, which means, for us, we both share parenting responsibilities.
Honestly, not to be rude, but it sounds like Lance needs to be reminded that you two CHOSE to have a baby together and raise him in your family unit. You have changed from a couple who can each be individually self-reliant to a trio with 2 people needing to do the work to keep the third happy and healthy. I agree that in being a SAHM more of the responsibilities do fall on you (they did on me too when I was home during Anders' first months and even when I was working part-time) however, parenting your child when both parents are home is not one of them. I'm sorry, but I think it's time to sit down and have a serious expectation discussion with him. IMO, working outside the home is not an excuse to shirk your parenting responsibilities.
Also, have you looked into CIO or other sleep methods or talked to your doctor about Wyatt waking up so much at night? Some kids wake up a ton, but it must be truly exhausting if he is getting up so much at 7 months old.
Sorry, I would have totally flipped the f out on Ryan if he EVER told me no after I asked for help with KR. That's completely unacceptable. He know's when I've hit my limit, and if I ask for help, then my limit is reached. I either start 1.) Crying or 2.) yelling (not at KR, at myself) Luckily, I have only done that once-it was in the beginning.
If KR gets up-usually (thank you jesus) it's only once and around 4:00 or 5:00. The way we work it out is that Ry will bring KR to me to nurse him. Usually what's been happening lately is that KR falls asleep, and I fall asleep, so we just end up bed sharing for that last hour/two hours. When Ry has to work I will go get him.
This morning KR got up at 4:00, I fed him, went back to sleep. Then he got up again and decided kicking me and the dog would be fun. So I made Ryan get up and put him in the swing to go back to sleep. The swing is on his side of the room anyway.
Seriously, I'd be PISSED if Ryan ever said that EVER. It takes two to make a baby. If he said that, then guess what room I'd be calming KR down in...the bedroom. I'm passive agressive like that.
I'm so sorry to hear that Lance doesn't help out! When MH was still working (he's a teacher also) I was the one getting up at night with Katie. If I really needed the help, then he got up too. Now that he's off for the summer, we take turns or both get up. With that being said, Katie rarely will wake up in the middle of the night now. Her normal sleeping routine is 9pm-6am, takes a bottle, and then goes back down til about 8 or 9 ( I am very fortunate she sleeps so well!)
Good luck with Lance and I'd def talk to him about heloing out when you need it.