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MAJOR FAMILY DILEMMA!!!
So there there is no real easy way to ease into this problem so I'm just going to jump right in. During my senior year of high school, my father went out for a date, whatever, my parents have been divorced since I was 6 years old. (This wasn't his first GF since my mother BTW) Anyways, he brought her home the next weekend. I knew who she was... I dated her son Brian for about six months during my sophomore year,and to make matters worse, I actually gave myself to Brian (sorry about the TMI.)
Now for the drama, 1 year later, my father proposes to her and they got married last October. Now my ex has become my step-brother. How do I not become uncomfortable during family holidays?
I am also getting married in 2013, and I dont want Brian invited to the wedding. Am I allowed to say no or do I have to invite him because he is now family?
PLEASE HELP ME!!!
Re: MAJOR FAMILY DILEMMA!!!
You're going to start your freshman year in college? Don't get married this young, wait another five years.
If you are 20, then I stand by my advice to not get married for another 5+ years.
So much will change in 5 years - you might have a BS degree by then, you might have a real job that provides income, you might be with a different guy, your dad and stepmom might be divorced, Brian might be married to someone else, etc...
1. Treat him more or less like an acquaintance or family member you never see. If it's so hard,make sure you're not stuck alone with him and then you don't have to deal with him.
2. Yes, you have to invite him. He doesn't have to come. And if he does, you don't have to acknowledge him any further than sitting him with your dad/SM and saying thanks for coming.
Did something happen? Or are you just concerned about the Major Awkward?
How about you worry about this two years from now?
I was right!
Unless you two had a HUGE falling out and he was a complete douche or you still have serious feelings for him I see no reason why you can't treat him like a member of the family. Do you have to become super close? No. But you should be able to enjoy family get togethers, holidays and even your wedding w/ him in the picture. I am and have been in that situation:
My ex-boyfriend is also my step-brother. Small world, huh? And we also dated in my sophomore year HS. We were also quite sexually active. 2 months after we broke up our parents were dating and I was moved into his house. See, things can be a lot more uncomfortable than you thought. Our past was just that, our past. And nothing could change that. All we could do was move forward. And we did.
Of course things were incredibly difficult. How can't they be? And especially with the way people talked in our area. Everyone knew. And I mean EVERYONE. It made things that much harder. Our parents clicked, we didn't. And we had no say about it. Just gotta truck along and make it work. You've got to learn to do the same. Like it or not, he's family now.
If you choose to exclude him from family events, and the wedding, you will later regret this. I was not allowed at my step-brothers wedding b/c of our past. It was a horrible feeling to not be included with the family. And now, looking back, my step-brother deeply regrets allowing that to happen. Family functions and holidays were awful as well. Even surrounded by family from both sides, and the majority being mine, b/c 1 person had issues I often sat on the sidelines or didn't go. And thats just not right.
Both my step-brother and myself are very forthcoming in relationships. We each tell anyone that we are serious with about our past. If they don't find out from us, someone else will bring it up. And its much better hearing it from the source. If they can't handle it then its not going to work. Plain and simple. We are family, our parents have been together for 15 years and there is nothing that is going to change that.
Its hard now, but it will be easier later. Trust me. My step-brother and I are close. We share pretty much everything w/ eachother. There are no lovey-dovey sexual type feelings or vibes. We don't go around telling everyone we are brother and sister b/c that just seems weird. I can't call him my brother, just can't. But I can call him family. And I can take family photos. And I can ask him all the goings on in his life. And I can give him a hug when I see him.
Its time to put on your big girl panties sweetie. Its gonna be a hard road and you'll need em.
tee hee
@ sweetdream...
Thanks. That helps a lot
This is in no way a major dilemma. I have noticed that everyone on here has commented on how you're too young to get married. However, that wasn't the topic that you asked for advice on. I'm not going to tell you what to do here but my advice would be to move in together before you get married. My BF and I moved in together and it completely changed the dynamic of our relationship. Also, financial pressure is the #1 cause of divorce, so I would highly suggest making sure you have a career before going down that path.
As far as the ex- it will be awkward if you make it awkward. Just do you and don't worry about him.
or at the least a year from now. Focus on school and stop worrying about invitations to an event so far in the future. My suggestion, Drama Queen, is to elope if you are still engaged in 2013.
We have been living together for a year and a half, almost 2 before he even popped the question. and thanks.
THANK YOU!!! Why cant others understand?