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Help me get over this--teeny tiny FIL issue
I did not come from an affectionate family. I hugged my father at my wedding, and once before I moved to Japan. My mum hugs me every time she sees me almost. My family hugged and kissed when we were kids, though, lots. We just don't do it as adults.
My father in law will randomly squeeze me and plant a big sloppy kiss on my cheek when we are visiting the ILs or they are visiting us. It makes me feel really uncomfortable, and I'm grossed out by it. The only person I'm comfortable planting kisses on me is my DH. I know I'm weird, but that's how I feel. It gives me the willies when FIL kisses me. It doesn't give me the willies when he hugs me, but I hate that it's at the most random moments. Like we're all out in a bakery looking at bagels, and he'll grab me and kiss me on the cheek. It's these surprise attacks that bother me the most. At least when they show up at my door, I'm 90% sure he's going to hug and kiss me then. I pretend like everything is fine though.
I don't want to make an awkward situation even more awkward by asking him to stop, I just want to know what I can do to either get over it, or somehow find a way to avoid it. Like maybe taking a class on becoming a ninja and swooping away from his arms when he gets close enough to hug me.
Re: Help me get over this--teeny tiny FIL issue
Get assertive. Take a step back, smile and put a firm hand on his shoulder.
Also feel free to say, "Stop kissing me." Sure, it might be awkward for a second, but it's like ripping-off a band-aid. It hurts for a second but then the deed is done.
You are ALLOWED to set your boundaries where YOU feel comfortable in this family.
yeah, you ladies are right. There are only two ways to go about this. Either live with it, or set my boundaries. Physically avoiding it isn't going to work.
Thanks
If you are going to go the boundaries way, instead of welcoming the family affection, then I'd really advise you telling him the back story so it doesn't come off as you finding him offensive or something odd/dirty about what he's doing.
I did not come from an affectionate family, either - those lots of hugs when you were younger, to me would be affectionate, and we didn't have those. DH's family is not very touchy feel-y, either, but they are so close that you'd think they would be. We have become friends a group of people - and they all seem to be this very touch-y hugg-y group, and I basically couldn't cope as much (though I'd do better with some and not others) so finally just told them where I was coming from instead of saying "I don't want you to hug me" type thing. I think it softened the blow after I explained it to them. I think it also helped them not to forget and slip up or continue to push it, like I just needed softening up.
Hi. I'm usually just a lurker on this board and don't usually post, so please excuse me for just jumping in. I agree with the other ladies that you need to speak to your FIL. However, something you said stuck with me. You described him kissing you on the cheek as "attacks." I think part of why you feel so uncomfortable with it is because of the way you are looking at it.
I'm not a very touchy person with anyone other than MH and our kids. MH's family and the families of a few of my friends are. I always let people know that I'm not very touchy, but I have also worked on seeing it less at "attacks" and just the way my friends and family show me that they love me.
I think if you both kind of give a little, you will be a lot more comfortable in those situations.
I do come from a somewhat affectionate family. A hug and kiss on arrival/departure I would think is completely normal.
Having someone other than my spouse kiss me in a bakery... that I think is really really weird. And I would be skeeved out by it. I do not think you are odd at all for not wanting to be surprised like that. I could see maybe an arm around the shoulder while waiting together, but the kissing just really seems weird to me.
Agree with this 100%