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WWYD - childcare?
H and I have been planning on having his mom watch the babies when I go back to work. She is excited to do this and although she is doing us a huge favor, she never makes it seem that way because she is so thrilled to have them all day.
Recently she has made it clear that she cannot handle the babies by herself. It is a lot of work, I know. But she told us yesterday that she was probably going to hire a nanny to help her during the day. She would be paying the nanny, so H and I would not incur any costs if she did this. However, I am not sure how I feel about the idea.
I am starting to consider taking them to day care, possibly half of the day or 2 days a week. Then MIL can keep them half the day or the other days and they will still get exposed to other kids and all that. Of course, that would cost us some money and I have heard day care is expensive.
Am I being crazy...should we just let MIL babysit for free and hire a nanny for help? Or should we pay for day care part time, to give her a break?
Re: WWYD - childcare?
I agree! And that is very nice of her to pay for the nanny!! Do you think she could handle 3 babies with the nanny? lol!
Would you and H be willing to pay the nanny? That way they could be spending time with their Grandma, but not having her incurring all the costs. My DS stays with my parents who are retired. They come pick him up each morning and bring him home each evening. We give them gas money based on MPG for their car (it calculates MPG) and cost of gas that week. Because they are retired and on a fixed income, it works for both of us. They could afford to $300+ in gas bills per month, but would have to sacrifice elsewhere. Plus they would not be able to afford gas plus all the fun things they they like to with him. He goes to the Y each day for 2 hours with my mom so that he gets interaction with other kids. I feel very grateful my parents have such a great bond with DS. Since you asked for opinions, it is my opinion that you should be paying for the nanny. HTH
Oh, so that's what it's like to have an awesome MIL?? I
I think it all depends on your MIL. Mine would probably just throw it in our faces and justify her thought that she gets to have a say in how we handle our finances. Either way, I wouldn't feel comfortable with her paying for the nanny herself, and would probably offer to contribute towards that rather than daycare. I may be going back to work once our guy gets here and the thought of daycare makes me cry already, but we have no other choice.
Can I have your MIL instead of mine??
Like PP said, you asked for the opinion, so here you have it:
I would put the kids in daycare. Part or full time. Some families can handle the stress of one "working" for the other and some can't. You'll be giving up a lot of control to someone with whom you have a strong, emotional relationship, who you cannot fire or (potentially) reprimand if something is done that does not meet your approval. You will need to consider how you will feel if forced to set aside your feelings/wishes to keep the peace in the family.
I would not feel comfortable with my MIL, who would be doing me a FREE favor, paying for a nanny. IMO, that $ would have to come out of MY pocket, no matter how well-off MIL was or how generous she wanted to be. If she really wants to contribute, she should dump that money into a 529 for the kids. If you did go this route, you would need to be very clear with both MIL and the nanny of your expectations, house rules, etc. These things seem silly when they are still young, but having those discussions now will save you heartache in the future.
If you do choose to let your MIL watch the babies, be sure to give her time "off" when she's visiting with you to let her enjoy being a grandmother and NOT a caretaker. There is a huge difference in the quality time spent doing both and it is important that she be able to experience both sides of that coin.
Sorry to be the Negative Nancy on this one, but I would not touch this proposition with a ten-foot pole. I'd put both babies in daycare.
I really appreciate everyone taking the time to respond. I like getting a few different opinions. Nicole I think you are definitely right about everything you said. But putting them in full-time daycare would probably cause a lot of drama. I also know that MIL would never let us pay for the nanny, no matter how much we insist. But if we were paying the nanny, I would have a little more control over the whole situation - which is why I considered daycare. I would rather pay someone to do what I tell them instead of letting MIL do what she thinks is best. (Which she will!)
I cannot believe how stressful this is becoming. Staying home from work is sounding better and better!
I completely understand. You have to do what is right for ALL of you.
I would definitely push for the part-time daycare though, even if just for the social interaction.
So what are you going to do? What does your H think? What issues is it going to cause if you don't accept her nanny?