D.C. Area Nesties
cheekywife
member
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
s/o family visits: what would be your ideal situation?
would you want both your fam & your ILs nearby? both far away? one set of family close, another far away? why?
Re: s/o family visits: what would be your ideal situation?
I couldn't handle living close to his family. We view the world (and every issue in it) very differently. I can suck it up for a weekend but that's about it. Fortunately DH feels the same.
I think 1-3 hours away is ideal for me. Far enough that you feel ok not seeing them all the time but close enough that seeing them doesn't necessarily REQUIRE an overnight stay or make a huge trip out of it. Same for his family. Since we don't have kids, DH's parents never come to see us and I know this hurts him. If we were only a couple hours drive maybe they'd make an effort now and then.
I don't want to live "drop in" close to either family.
Our moms are both SAHM of grown children, so they have lots and lots of free time.
We live a thousand miles away from both sets now, so maybe it'd be nice to be somewhat closer in case there was an emergency (his dad is approaching 70 and our moms are late 50s, early 60s). I know it was hard for him not being able to see his dad when he was going through chemo and radiation.
So, I guess ideally we'd live here and our parents would live somewhere in PA- far enough away that someone would have to deliberately plan the trip but not so far you couldn't be there if needed.
Stand up for something you believe in.
My FIL lives 15 minutes from us and I wouldn't change that. He's fun to talk with in person and great with DD. Ideally, my parents would live as close. No more half days of travel (for us flying - 8 hr. drives for them) to see them. I love spending time with my parents and wish they could interact with DD on a more regular basis (more than just Skype).
I would love it if MIL lived only an hour or two away (vs. 500 miles and 4-5 hours of flying and driving to get to her). She can't pull herself away from home and her domineering husband to visit us (and particularly DD) more than once or twice a year and it's a PITA to get out to her. Plus she tires of us easily, so I wouldn't mind having more frequent short visits rather than 4 or 5 days of awkwardness. If only they had retired to the beach in MD rather than MA...
We have done:
1. Close to DH's family (1 hour drive) and far away from mine (8 hour drive)
2. Far away from both families (2+ day drive or 4-5 hour flight)
3. Close to my family (2 hour drive) and far away from DH's family (7-8 hour drive)
I think in an absolute ideal world we would live 2-3 hours from each family. Even though we are 2 hours from my parents now, we don't see them a lot. Maybe once 2-3 months. Neither DH or I are the type of people who need to see our families a lot.
this is why i'd never move back to new england! that is too close for my comfort level. i'd love to live in RI but my family would still be dropping in too often. no thanks!
This is very much us. My ILs live practically across the street (less than a mile) and have never dropped by unannounced. My parents are 15 minutes down the road (25 minutes with the way my dad drives...). And yet, I'll see my parents if I go to church and otherwise almost not at all. We haven't been over to see my ILs for anything other than birthday parties or other holidays for as long as I can recently remember. I don't think I'd have it any other way... don't want parents or ILs staying with us as much as I love them! It's convenient too: ILs are instant dogsitters when we go on vacation and vice versa.
Scout
Chocolate Blog!
That's the issue with anywhere in MO for us. Sure, COL is a heck of a lot cheaper, and I wouldn't have to maintain membership in multiple bar jurisdictions, but I can't deal with intrusions.
Stand up for something you believe in.
I agree with this. Right now, we're 8 hour drive from DH's family and 13 from mine. We can fly direct to DH's, but not mine. Holidays are a PITA. I would love to stay home for the holidays, but make a day trip to each family.
DH's parents technically live about 15 min away from us, but they are gone 5-6 months out of the year. While they're in town, we see them every few weeks or so for dinner, but they are not the type to just drop by. Unfortunately, they are also not the type to offer to baby-sit on a regular basis when we get to the point that we have little ones (BIL and SIL live close by as well with their two kids, and while ILs help out in an emergency, they rarely take care of the kids otherwise). My parents are about 2.5 hours away and while they would be willing to help out with future children on a regular basis, they're also the type who would expect weekly visits, drop by unannounced, etc. I guess it all balances out, especially since we could count on any of them in an emergency (and vice versa).
Baby248 - ETA 1/10/13
We are a plane ride away from anyone in either family now and I wish we were closer - we just don't have the money for all those flights, and truthfully most of our family doesn't have the money to fly here either. My mom was going to come out this summer, but she just couldn't afford it.
I would gladly live in the same town as my sister & BIL, DH's sister & her hubby, my mom and/or DH's mom & stepdad. The further away from DH's dad and stepmom the better.
Although, seeing how my mom is with my sister, BIL and niece makes me wonder if I'd want to live in the same town as her again. She's constantly complaining that she does not see them enough and they are constantly complaining that she's there too much, but there's a lot more to that story. We did all used to live in the same town (before niece was born) and we were not the type to drop in on each other unannounced, so that would not be an issue if DH and I ever moved back.
we live close to everyone except my sister, who visits 3-4 times a year (flies). DH's Dad and stepmom are about 1.5hrs away, they visit every few months, I wish it was more so the kids could know them better. We used to visit them but I refuse to drive 3hrs in one day w/ a screaming baby.
MIL lives an hour away and we see her about once every 2 weeks, and it's awesome. She is very close to the kids, is more than willing to help out. I totally won the MIL lottery (sorry, artslvr and others), she's there when we need her but never interferes. I am so lucky! I keep telling DH she needs to move closer. She occasionally spends the night to take care of the kids or dogs and *knocking-furiously-on-wood* it's never anything except fun.
My parents live about 10mins away and my Mom takes care of DS full-time, so I see her every day. She and my Dad see the kids every weekend, usually both Sat & Sun. They are extremely close to the kids and visa versa.
It's great having the support network, I know how fortunate we are especially with 2 kids and 2 dogs. We don't leave our dogs in a kennel so if we need to go OOT, MIL will stay at our house and dog-sit (and spoil them rotten). We have also never had to pay for a baby-sitter, although we don't go out too much, but when DS is older we will.
BIL lives about an hour away and out of everyone, we probably see him the least often. He's a bachelor and loves our kids, too.
We live within 45 minutes of our family (minus some siblings) and I love it, actually. It's not pop-in close, but close enough for dinner and hanging out and getting together. We have pretty good relationships with our parents and see them frequently.
For awhile, we considered a move to NC but now I'm not sure I can fathom it. Before C, living near our parents didn't seem like such a big deal but now that I see the awesome interaction between him and all of his grandparents I really couldn't take that away from him (or them).
ETA - We're actually hoping to move closer to our parents. Like five minutes from some of them. This will definitely put us in pop-in range, but they generally respect our boundaries and privacy.
I'd like to live close to my sister and her family. She is truly helpful and our girls are close in age and love each other. I feel like we could be really helpful and supportive for each other since we both have young kids and little help.
We live at least 3 hours from anyone but my SIL who lives in our finished basement and I could certainly use a little more distance from her lately. I am fine living far since living close to any one of them wouldn't be terribly helpful for us although it would be nice to be able to gtg without making a 3 day weekend out of it (DH's family rarely stays for less time than that). Also having everyone in our TH is difficult for sleeping arrangements.
it's really interesting to see what people like/don't like and if/how having kids changes that.
i grew up having my grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins all nearby (from next door to a 10-20 minute drive) and really liked it most of the time, but it would drive me nuts now. while my grandparents actually didn't interfere when they didn't agree with the parenting methods of their own kids, my aunts and uncles totally tried/still try to force their beliefs on each other. i've no interest in subjecting myself to that at this stage in my life.