Houston Nesties
Red_Dahlia
member
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Being a working mom is hard. :(
I lost it today after work. 
Like big, sobbing mess in my car in the parking lot.
I was really good at my job before Helen.
I was really good at taking care of Helen while on maternity leave.
But now that I'm trying to do both - I feel like I'm a terrible employee, an okay mom, and a pretty crappy wife.
Please tell me it gets better. ughh......
Re: Being a working mom is hard. :(
Hugs to you! It is the hardest thing to work and be a mom, it is two full time jobs.
It does get easier, I promise you that. Make sure you are taking care of yourself, it is hard to put yourself first when it comes to working and being a mom.
So Tasty, So Yummy
awwwww..... (((hugs)))
it will get better, i promise! you learn to balance and to let some things go a bit.
i'm here if you need me!
I don't know any working moms that don't feel that way at some point. I was at the top of my game when I left and when I returned I felt like I was lost. Hello, I was gone for 3 months. Then I just was in a rut. I will say a year after returning, I am back where I was before I left, but it took time. It didn't take a year, but it took time.
As I was crying in the car one day while driving home and talking to my mom, I asked "Why do I find this so hard? I see women at Wal-Mart that make it look so easy." She replied, "Maybe your expectations are different from their expectations."
That helped me put things in perspective and realize, I couldn't attack everything the way I do a project at work. And the ladies on here reassured me that to my son I am the best mommy he could have.
Hope things get easier for you soon.
Dx: PCOS and short luteal phase
18 cycles (3 with our RE) - Metformin + Clomid + HCG booster did the trick!
BFP #1 6/22/09 EDD: 3/2/10 DS born: 3/8/10
TTC #2 since Dec 2011
BFP #2 7/8/12 EDD: 3/18/12 M/C @ 9w1d: 8/16/12
You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted and used against you. My Blog
Truer words have never been spoken.
It does get LESS difficult, but it never gets easy. You will find your way and get in to a groove.
HUGS!
It's impossible to do it all and to be all things to all people. You just have to do the best you can and realize it won't be perfect but it's good enough.
For months I was a terrible employee - distracted, having to close my door to cry sometimes, doing bare minimum, etc. Before DD I was always on my A game, so this was a huge shift and it took me a few months to pull out of it. I definitely loved being on maternity leave and missed being at home.
That has drastically improved, thank goodness because hello, I need my job. :-) Now we're 11 months in and I still have days when I just miss her extra and feel a little blue. There are other days when I'm fine emotionally but overwhelmed because I know waiting for me at home the laundry is piled up, we're having take out for the 3rd night in a row, we've got to get the house ready for a showing, or whatever else is stressing me out. I went through a long period of feeling like I wasn't good at anything, ever. Now, it ebbs and flows. Some days I'm a rockstar employee, a good mom and a not as attentive of a wife as I'd like to be. Other days I'm a great mom, a good wife and a less than stellar employee. It shifts around and I've had to come to grips with the fact that despite my type A, do-it-all-"perfectly" nature something's gotta give. I'll give the best I've got to whatever I'm focusing on at any given time and that is the best I can do. I'm only human.
I've also gotten much better at letting chores go at home for the sake of savoring those precious 2 or 3 hours we get as a family at home in the evenings. It may mean I get up a half hour early to do the dishes before work or the dishes don't get done at all, but DD is growing and changing SO quickly that I just feel like the day to day stuff can often wait for the sake of really taking in the moments with her.
I'll be honest and say my friendships have suffered some and I have not gotten to the point where I work in taking care of myself. Wife-Mom-Work is all I can handle right now. I know I need to do better with taking care of myself for the sake of health and stress management. I know I also need to nurture my friendships because that support system and outlet are important to my well-being too. But for now, I'm managing the best I can. Work and Home are two full time jobs.
Hugs! You are definitely not alone. I still have breakdown moments like that and my kiddo is 3 and I only work PT! It's so hard to juggle everything and I often feel like I don't do a good job at work or at home. I've learned to let a lot of stuff go and I do a better job at everything if I step back and have some "me" time once in awhile. You know where to find me if you ever want to talk!
HUGS! Its so hard, it gets easier, but that pull to be everything to everyone never goes away, you just have to learn that you cant do it all and thats fine.
I remember the first two weeks back were so easy. I was so ready to go back, I think just because I knew it was coming so I didn't let myself get really into being a stay at home mommy. The third week, I came home from work and just broke down with all the same things you were saying... I'm not a good mom, not a good wife, not a good employee.
As PP said, after a while, I got back in the groove at work and am back on top of things like I was before. I've got a better handle on the home life but its still always a fight and I do feel that my husband suffers the most!
You are not alone and everything you are feeling is so normal. Just know it will get better!
((hugs))
I know how you feel. It was hard for me at first too. But you start to get organized with time. You will find more time and adjust. Give it time. It will get better.
Pick up the phone and call me if you need to cry or vent about this. You were such an amazing support to me when I returned from maternity leave - it's my turn to help you if I can!
All the words above are so true. And it does get easier. I have to say, that challenge in the first two years does impact my feelings about having a second child and balancing movement in my career. Like everyone above said - you want to but cannot be everything to all people. It is such a hard struggle and balance to carry.
Please monitor your moods. I'm sure you remember when June came, PPD came on hard for me. My performance suffered big time. I wasn't managing both responsibilities well - work and home. I couldn't be on my A game and my follow through was crap. And I got way too depressed for it. Don't follow in my footsteps. (One big cry doesn't mean you are headed that way - that is completely normal. If you shut your door at work to cry every day, that's not a good sign).
It got better over time. And leveling my expectations of my work performance became something I just had to do. Woman, on a scale of 1-5 with 5 being high, you always work at a 7. You can be a 4 and still be fabulous. That's bringing your game down 3 notches - and you'd still be leaps and bounds above the rest, and a lot less stressed.
BTW - I cannot find my regular cell phone. I will email you my work cell so you can reach me there if you need me.
- Paula Deen to 104.1 KRBE's Producer Eric 9/17/2011
I'm sorry you're having a hard time. I'd like to tell you that after a year and a half it's easy peasy, but I'd be lying. It's not. It does get easier, or maybe I've just adjusted my expectations. I still struggle with "not enough hours in the day" and feeling like I'm half-assing everything.
I do not work as many hours as I did before Cooper and I'm probably not as good an employee as I was but I'm doing the best I can. I try my hardest to focus on work at work and home at home and that helps me accomplish more. Most days I feel a little like one of those circus performers who is juggling and spinning plates on poles and singing all at the same time.
[[[hugs]]] You'll get the hang of making it all work.