Sex & Romance
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New to this. Sex, not the site.
I'm 18 and just got married. I'm going to ignore all posts about how young I am and that we should of waited five years blah blah blah. So don't waste your time typing it.
Anyways, why I posted, my husband and I were both virgins when we got married. We dated for four years before we got married and we made the decision together to wait. No religious reasons or anything, just wanted to.
So we had sex on our wedding night.. the most painful experience of my life. and then again the next day. Once again painful.. He was incredibly sweet and understanding but now I am scared to.. and I feel like a horrible wife..
I don't know what to do.. Please help..
In a time when nothing is more certain than change, the commitment of two people to one another has become difficult and rare. Yet, by its scarcity, the beauty and value of this exchange have only been enhanced. ~Robert Sexton
Re: New to this. Sex, not the site.
PP is right on. You need to first relax. As long as your stressing out its not going to be a comfortable experience. You need to not be so worried about it, it will get better. Your husband married you because he loves you. I'm sure he will understand that its going to take a little while to get comfortable having sex. I know you're not 21, not sure if you drink, but if its a possibility I would have a glass of wine or two before you try again. It will help with the nerves and always helps me get in the mood. It will continue to hurt if you don't relax your body. Try a lot of foreplay before you try again too! Good Luck!! I promise it will get better!!
ditto the PPs with having a glass of wine if you can. remember to take it SLOOOOOOOOOOW and work up to the actual sex; foreplay can really help your body to relax.
you are definitely not a terrible wife! one of the most important things you guys can do is to keep the lines of communication open and flowing. tell your husband how you're feeling, both physically and emotionally.
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I got married at eighteen as well, (and we were also virgins) so you don't have to feel alone in that. I have never had a lot of pain with sex, but one thing that can't do any harm is to make sure you have a lot of foreplay. Since you say your husband is sweet and understanding in this circumstance, I'm sure he would be willing to take as as much time as you need to be comfortable.
If you don't seem to produce enough natural lubricant, try something store bought, and be sure to take it real slow. If you're having trouble with him on top, you might want to try it the other way around. Being on top is more comfortable for a lot of women, and that way you can control how deep he goes in, etc. A book I would highly recommend is Intended for Pleasure, by Ed and Gaye Wheat. It is written from a religious perspective, but does give a lot of helpful information and advice.
I hope this helps some, and you have my best wishes and congratulations on your marriage!
Congratulations on waiting. It is such a special gift that you have given to eachother! I know how hard waiting is, but it's soooo worth it in the end.
Hope you get your issues resolved. Use lots of lube!
I suggest a checkup with your gyn to rule out issues like vaginisimus and interstitial cystitis.
In the meanwhile, go s l o w.
And plenty of foreplay and plenty of lube. Take your time. There is no hurry.
e
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I am a newly wed and I also was a virgin! I experienced discomfort as well, but it gets better and better as you do it more often. Oddly enough, the most comfortable position for me was doggy style. You should try it, I am not sure why but it totally works for me. We are all different, try other positions and do pleanty of foreplay before sex. Use lube if needed as well.
Good luck!
Maybe you guys could just focus on the foreplay and if sex happens, it happens. If not, no worries. Foreplay is going to get you so horned up, your body will respond - but if you feel like you're under pressure, you won't be there mentally. I am of the opinion that you can't force it. Sex is only painful for me (and I've had lots and lots of sex) when I'm not in the mood and we use lots of lube.
I'm going to suggest wine also, because I know when I'm all stressed out and not feeling like having sex, wine makes me feel like Austin Powers.
THIS
I got married at 19 and we were both virgins when we married too.
Relax, relax, relax! Mentally tell yourself that it won't hurt and that it will be fun. If you get anxious you will tighten your muscles down there.
Take a bubble bath, make out until you are really worked up and then don't go too rough. Oh and talk to your DH, you guys need to talk about sex a lot. I have Fibro so I need lots of romancing before we "play", maybe you need to be more warmed up too.
Hello! This is my very first post. I got married two weeks ago and I was a virgin. It hurt so bad the first time, I cried!
Relaxing is key. Wine is a HUGE help. So is bubble baths, foreplay and lube. It isn't painful for me anymore and being on top definitely helps a lot! Good luck girl!
BUT Sex still doesn't feel good for me, and I'm worried. When will it start to feel good?
One thing that might help is if he fingers or goes down on you until YOU orgasm, then use some lube and have sex. With the first orgasm out of the way, you won't have the stress of it during the act, plus it's relaxing.
Also, getting married is really stressful.... are you constipated? That can make sex really uncomfortable no matter what. If you are, take some fiber, drink lots of water, and try and get regular.
And honey, you're not a bad wife, you're a woman. You have needs and you shouldn't apologize for them. He doesn't want to hurt you. Take your time and I'm sure that a year from now it'll all be a distant memory
well i was married at 19 and a virgin as well.. i cried the entire time.. i say entire cause he siad he was gonns stop then i cried for two hours about how i was the worlds worst wife. hahah... the next morning it hurt as well.. but it gets much better ! i was scared and didnt want to have sex ever again.. but it really does get so much better!