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XP from Breastfeeding Board: Need advice
This is long, but that board is a little slow so I thought I'd get some advice from some of you mamas too.
I'm fed up with
breastfeeding. I really want to breastfeed Kyler for 6 months, but I'm
afraid I may go batsh!t crazy and give up before I even go back to
work. I'm talking to a lactation consultant at my hospital tomorrow,
but I want some opinions from "real life" moms. The consultants
sometimes are a bit condescending. Here's what's bothering me:
1) My boobs always leak about every 2 hours. Or when I bend
over. Or when Kyler cries. I despise this. I do use pads, but I don't
like them much and at home I'm almost always braless with just a
t-shirt on. How do I cope better? Just wear a bra all the time?
2) Engorgement. DS is almost 8 weeks old and I still get engorged if I go even 4 hours without pumping or nursing. Ouch. I've had plugged ducts because of this.
3) In light of the above, how the heck do I
go out for a night and enjoy myself? Do I have to bring a hand pump and
express halfway through the night? I'm not great at hand expressing. I
went to a concert when Kyler was 4 weeks old and went 6 hours without
pumping/nursing. My boobs were rock hard. When I got home I pumped 8
oz.
(That's a pretty big amount for me.) I don't know what a normal pumping
amount is though. I usually pump about 5 oz depending on how often Kyler
has been nursing during the day/night. I pump in place of a few
feedings so we always have bottles on hand for my parents or Craig to feed
him if I want to go to the gym, go shopping, etc.
4) Nursing itself doesn't hurt but my nipples are always pink and they burn sometimes at random times during the day. I've been checked for thrush and don't have it. Kyler's latch probably sucks but I can't get him to open very wide anymore. Around 5 weeks, he started pulling off a good latch and relatching himself for some reason. He also tugs on my nipple a lot after the first let-down, because he wants a faster flow. I don't have a supply problem though, so I don't know how else to help him there.
In general, I'm just having a really hard time feeling tethered to Kyler or the pump. I want the best for him, but I'm not dealing well with sore, leaky boobs all the time and feeling like nursing is a full time job. I'm scared of going back to work and trying to manage all this. I know plenty of you and other women think nursing is easy after the first few weeks, but I'm losing my sanity and don't know what I'm doing wrong.
Re: XP from Breastfeeding Board: Need advice
Our situations are similar...
Charlotte wanted to nurse every hour- no lie. I was leaking all the time everywhere. I was so embarrassed I couldnt even go out. I will tell you I purchased Lily Padz and that kept me from leaking. Buy the wash that goes with them. I wouldnt have lasted without them. My supply leveled off after about 8-9 weeks. The more you pump or feed, the more you will produce. I almost wish I would have stored more early on... I will kick myself when I run out of milk.
I know it hurts but try going a little longer between feedings or pumping. I pump about every 3-4 hours and produce plenty for Charlotte. I dont have to pump overnight which is luck but I did in the beginning. I am usually pumping 10 oz in the am and then 5-6 ounces and finally about 8 before bed. This lasts us through the day but I dont feel so tethered to the pump. It got better as I went. Now it seems like old hat. I will say it still sucks if I am going to be out more than 3-4 hours but that is why I have a hand pump or take my pump bag with us. It gets better.
Holy moly! I'm SO jealous. I get 10 - 12 oz tops for the whole day when I'm at work and pumping and then Alex eats like crazy all evening and gets up at least once, usually twice a night to eat. I'm working on trying to switch him so he's getting more of his feedings in during the day but it's hard since I'm working and I can't really pump more than twice while I'm there.
Please don't feel badly about feeling that way, nursing is great but is hard work and a huge commitment and anyone that says that it is simple and easy is not being honest!! I still get overwhelmed by it sometimes and I only nurse 4 times a day now. Nursing is a fulltime job during those first few months and it doesn't help that you are the only one that can do it and that they have so many other needs at that time as well. It has become much easier and manageable, but being tied to Parker or the pump every few hours still gets to me sometimes. I do have a hand pump like Kelly said she has and that makes it much easier to bring around with me when I am out. Just know you are not alone!! xo
{My Blog}
Honestly, I think more mom's have a difficult time with breastfeeding than don't. I think I may have been one of the ones who said it gets easier
but, I really think I've just been fortunate to not have any issues with latching, supply, etc. from the beginning and working from home presented the best environment for continued BFing. But even still, I am amazed I've made it 10+ months breastfeeding, and even I had times in the beginning where I was on the verge of switching to some other form.
1. With leaking - that really does get better...but I do remember it taking a while. And the crying thing..ya, unfortunately that definitely took a while, and it didnt even have to be Phoenix crying to cause leaking, it could be ANY crying baby. I would recommend bra wearing, kind of all the time, for the first few months at least.
2-3. I also remember engorgement seeming to take forever to kind of die down. It seems like 8 weeks should be enough, but when you consider he's increasing in size (cluster feeding sometimes?) he's increasing demand, so you're supply is still trying to find the right ratio. Honestly I still get engorged in the mornings sometimes, and I'm 10 months in. Unfortunately, I think that up through the first year (or however long you decide to use breastmilk) you will want to carry a hand pump with you if you're planning on going out for an extended period of time. Its certainly not sexy or fun, but it is a part of being a new mom. And you don't have to empty them at each pump. You can just pump/express enough to relieve the pressure and that only takes a few minutes. And doing that once here and there is not going to mess up your supply.
4. That does sound like a latching issue, or maybe blistering, or being chapped? I'm pretty sure they have lotions you can use that can help soothe the soreness. I was also told that if you can tell they aren't latched right, make them relatch. Almost tease them with the nipple so they'll open their mouth wider, and then like literally shove the whole thing in so they kind of have to get a good latch. I have no advice on the tugging...Phoenix does that, and it drives me crazy.
Just some other comments- don't feel like you're doing anything wrong. Breastfeeding really is like a job on its own, and there are so many tricks and techniques, you just have to find what works for you. As many other mom's have said, don't let anyone else tell you what is right for you, your baby, and your situation. If breastfeeding is causing more stress for you and Kyler, then maybe pumped milk will be better, or maybe formula. You are the only opinion that matters, not other moms, not family members, and not lactation consultants.
I hope this helps, or at least makes sense.
ETA: took out "exclusively" BFing for 10+ months..lol, duh on me, she gets 3 solid feeds now
{My Blog}
Thanks so much for the replies, guys. I'm so relieved knowing I'm not alone in feeling the way I do and that it will hopefully get easier.
I do use the Lily Pads, but maybe I should get that wash. They didn't seem to stay sticky as long when I just used soap and hot water. I've been afraid to leave them on all the time though, for fear of thrush or something. I do like to stick one on when I'm nursing so that the other boob doesn't leak all over the place! I think I'll also try Genevieve's suggestion of wool pads in a tank, that sounds a lot more comfortable when I'm at home. And the hand pump sounds like a must at this point if I want to be anywhere more than a few hours, I guess I've been in denial that I needed one. I'm assuming you have to ditch the milk you pump though...you just express enough for relief, right?
I may go to exclusively pumping because that'd help eliminate at least the nipple soreness, though it probably won't help some of my other issues just yet. Kelly, do you just pump enough to feed Charlotte day to day or are you freezing any?
Anyway, I'm definitely going to stick it out at least another month and hopefully I can adjust a little better. For some reason, it seems like there's this idea out there that nursing is easy and wonderful and perfectly natural and that all nursing moms love it and don't have any annoyances with it. I don't know where that comes from, but I'm glad to see based on your responses and those on the Breastfeeding board that it's normal to feel like it's hard work. It really helps to know that you guys and other nursing moms are dealing with some of the same pitfalls of nursing and aren't all rainbows and sunshine about it.
:Blog:
I'm a little late to the game, but I felt the want to weight in anyway...
No matter what anyone thinks, breastfeeding is not easy, and it's a choice. Some people handle it better than others, and some just decide not to do it at all. And everyone has their reasons, so I don't think any one is better than another. It's totally a personal choice. I wasn't breastfed as a child, but I had decided ahead of time that I was going to try it to the best of my abilities because I knew from my research it was the best for Sami nutrition-wise, it was going to be a money-saver, and it would just be a better bonding experience from the beginning. And even if it didn't work out, I knew so long as I tried my best, that was all that mattered.
My boobs leaked a lot, especially more towards the beginning. In the shower, overnight, and when I might have been late for a feeding... breast pads became my best friend, and I went through all of them. I finally settled on Johnson's because they fit the best, absorbed the best, and the price was right. As time went on it wasn't so bad, and I even got used to it... but yes, you might need to wear a bra all the time, even if it's a sports bra or a nursing Sam. I couldn't imagine going around without a bra on while I was nursing... my boobs were huge and heavy and uncomfy.
I never had an issue with uber-painful engorgement. Yes, my boobs got full if I missed a feeding for some reason or another, but in a way this should be looked at as a good thing because it shows the supply is supple. While breastfeeding, on the nights we might be out without Sam, I would feed her, pump out whatever was left, and double up on my pads just in case. And then once I got home, if she wasn't going to be looking for a meal, I would pump it all out. Those were my best pumps... and everyone's pumping is different. I was lucky if I could get 3-4 ounces TOTAL which is why I think my supply really got hit hard once I started back at work...
Have you tried nipple shields? Or is there a lactation specialist or group you can visit? I was lucky, and Sam was a master latcher the day she was born, so I never had issues, but I can tell you there were night my nipples were cracked and sore and it brought me to tears and I wanted to just stop right then and there, but the key is NOT to stop... it sucks, and it hurts, I know, but the more you do it, the better the nipples get accumstomed to this new pressure and they'll eventually toughen up and then it'll be a walk in the park! Have you used any lanolin creams? They really help with the soothing of dry and cracked nipples, and another great trick is to let your nipples air dry completely after the shower before putting on any clothes. Also, it could be the hold while nursing -- I found that once I adjusted Sam into a more comfortable position, it took a lot of the pain and pressure off of the sore spots. But I think it took me a good 3 months to finally nurse without pain, so stick it out, my friend...
I can understand your frustrations, and your want to EP but just remember pumps are about 80% effective, so in the end that will affect your supply. Have you thought about BFing in the morning and night, and then pumping during the day, or vice versa? When I went back to work, I was BFing in the moring and night, and then pumping during the day, and although is diminished my supply, and got me to 7 months, it still got me to 7 months, and also helped with weening when the time came.
Just remember, in the end your decision to stop or keep going are all your own, and just remember what matters is what's best for you and Kyler. Be happy, stay happy, and you'll have a happy baby. Good luck!
updated 10.03.12
Kelly, Kyler's a little hog too. He has been wanting to eat every 2 hours or so lately as well, and he also usually wants 5 oz or more if I bottle feed him (no idea how much he's pulling out of my boobs.) He spits up a ton (a whole separate issue the ped and I are working on) but the other night he wanted 7.5 oz before he was satisfied. Thank God I'd had enough pumped in the fridge to give him that much. That seems like an insane amount, but he didn't spit up a drop and normally he spits up a lot after just 4 oz. And the kid wasn't starved during the day, I guess he was just insanely hungry!
MB, I really appreciate the encouragement. If it took 3 months before you were nursing pain-free, that makes me feel a little more normal. Although my pain is always outside of nursings, not during (unless Kyler's yanking on my nipple), which I find odd, but maybe that's normal too. I don't use a nipple shield now, though I did initially in the NICU to help Kyler figure out what to do. The lactation consultants at my hospital were adamantly against me using one so they had me stop after a few days. There was even a waiver to sign if you wanted to continue using one! But for people like Tonia, obviously it's super helpful and hasn't created any problems, so I don't know what the huge issue is. I am meeting with a lactation consultant again next week, but it's frustrating because last time I talked to one, she thought everything seemed fine when I clearly was struggling!
Can I ask how you handled the diminished supply all the way to 7 months? Was Sami just not a big eater? I'm afraid if mine goes down at all, I'm going to have to start supplementing with formula unless I start up a freezer stash and not just a fridge stash to keep on hand during the week.
I do BF in the morning and night and pump a few times during the day. Or some days I only pump in place of a feeding, so if Craig gives Kyler a bottle so I can give the boobs a rest, I just pump then so my boobs don't think I'm skipping a feeding. A lot of times I BF during the day though as well since it's just easier to whip out a boob (despite it being sore.) I'm almost wondering if I have an oversupply because of the pumping right now, maybe that's why I leak so much...
Anyway, like you said, the nutrition and the cost are huge motivators so I hope I can stick it out. Formula is so expensive, and it's so nice not to have that expense right now. Though if I keep nursing, I'll need to buy my own pump, right now I'm just renting one cheaply from my hospital, so that'll be an expense, but if I can go 6 months, I'm sure the cost of a Medela or an Avent will outweigh formula...and if it doesn't, hopefully the breast milk will do all the wonderful things it's supposed to for Kyler (fewer infections from daycare exposure, etc) and that'll make it worth it.
I had a freezer stash that I started before I went back to work, and although I was still getting some milk while I pumped at work, I was grateful that I had that supply to supplement when I just couldn't make enough. But towards the end, we did have to start supplementing formula because the freezer supply was running out, and though I was still trying to nurse her, she was just unsatisfied and miserable, and that was my sign that I needed to just stop BFing once and for all. Yeah, it sucked, but I did what I could do for as long as I could, and I don't regret it one bit.
updated 10.03.12