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Yeahhhh...I'm gonna need to vent.
I've had a core meltdown bubbling for a few weeks now, but I'm pretty sure it's about to blow up.
I spent the entire week at a workshop trying to learn sign language. OMG. I learned so much, but so little at the same time. I drove home choking back tears because I'm afraid I'm never going to be able to communicate with Ruby. And, worse, if I'm having trouble -- the woman who has a journalism degree, is an English nut and who just spent a week in an intensive class -- how is the rest of our family going to talk to her??? I don't want her to feel left out. I've been so positive about all the things she'll be able to do and concentrating on that, but the reality is that things are going to be much harder for her and us. I haven't let myself think about that until I was around these other parents and educators and heard about their challenges.
I'm physically, mentally and emotionally drained and I just want to sit on my a$$ and have some quiet time and then go to Target. BUT, I'm sitting here while some dudes clomp around my kitchen making a mess, talking loudly in Spanish and bang on the ceiling while my boys are trying to nap. All because Hearthstone Homes did a crappy job on our house. That stupid condensation issue we had last year is back and I feel like they're just masking the problem (again). We've had to turn down showings because of it and they're not even apologetic. It could cost us the sale of our house and there's nothing we can do. And if these guys wake up my kids I might just unleash all the rage I have toward Hearthstone on them.
I can't leave the house until these asshats are gone and then we have to go to the IL's, which I DO NOT want to do tonight. I love that our kids get to see their grandparents often, but I've been gone all week and I don't want to share my kids tonight. I don't even want to leave the house.
We still have no idea what's going on with anything job-related and I've just given up on the whole thing. But that just makes our situation feel even more hopeless.
Not related (or maybe it is) is that I canNOT lose any weight and am gaining. Whether it's a coincidence or not, I don't know, but I've gained 10lbs since I got my IUD placed. TEN POUNDS IN LESS THAN THREE MONTHS. I haven't changed how I've been eating and I'm BFing the same, so I don't get it. And my boobs have grown a cupsize. OMG. As if my boobs needed to grow!
If you made it this far, thanks. H changed the subject when I tried to talk to him and I just need to get it all out before I end up sitting on my couch bawling while the drywallers give me the side-eye through the plastic dropcloth they just hung from the ceiling.
Re: Yeahhhh...I'm gonna need to vent.
You definitly need to have somewhere to vent, so vent away. I will tell you this much I have a friend whose aunt had triplets who were all deaf (something happened in the womb as well) and let me tell you how AMAZING these kids are. They just graduated from high school and are tremendous lip readers. Besides the fact that almost everyone in the family knows at least a little bit of sign language everyone has been able to communicate. Even me who knows only the alphabet, has been able to talk to these kids.
I will also say that these three kids have brought an unbelieveable amount of joy to the family, as people have got to watch them grown and mature into perfectly average teens (above average actually, they are all very smart...top of their class kids). Im sure when the mom first found out that all three of her kids would be deaf she went through a million ups and downs, but I can tell you now that once the kids all hit a certain age there were no more downs. They are happy healthy kids that you cant help but love them!
I hope that things get better for you, because obviously this isnt the only thing you are dealing with. You are an amazing mom...so keep your chin up and know that you have a challenge ahead of you that will only make you stronger!!
LOTS of {{HUGS}} coming your way!!!
You are doing a fabulous job for R and what you can right now. Take it one day at a time.
(Also, I have a friend that grew up with both of her parents being deaf if you ever want someone to talk to or even possibly set up a one on one for her to come to you and do signing and such with kids or H let me know and I can put you in contact with her.)
You will get through it all. You are a strong woman and you will make it! And if you need to sit down and cry your eyes out there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.
Ditto this! Keep your chin up.
I know it seems stressful, but you are taking an intense course of sign language right now, but when you are using it often and regularly, it will become so second nature to you and your family. It's like learning a foreign language. It's really lost until you use it. My old bosses kids can hear and understand the Indian language, but cannot speak it. They learned comprehension throughout the years of hearing their parents speak. It will be the same type of thing for your family. Plus your kids are little and will pick up on it so quickly and won't even remember NOT knowing how to sign.
What will you do if your home sells? I'm sure that adds to the stress of not moving, but potentially selling your house.
Hang in there, take it day by day and don't overwhelm yourself with the what if's.
Aaaah. Bigs hugs, Jess. I would give you one myself tonight at the ILs but that could be awkward in front of MIL. Ha. And I hear you on not wanting to go, and I didn't even have a crazy week!
You have had an incredibly intense week - the class alone would be enough reason to want some quiet time to yourself, let alone loud workers in your house, stress about selling the house, and everything else.
I bet when you get a little distance from the class, so much more of what you have learned will sink in and start to become part of your signing vocabulary and daily life. I know in my case, I often need to step away and let some things sink in before I can work on anything else, see any gaps I need to learn more about, etc.
I hope you can take some time to yourself this weekend. You deserve it and probably need it, even if it's just taking an hour to yourself to take a nice long shower and read in quiet a bit or something.
And I'm sorry I didn't make the jewelry thing last night! I am kind of in the market for some jewelry so I'll check it out online
Oh jess - I'm sorry.
For the signing - maybe start really really basic - like, learn the signs for milk, eat, mama and dadda, and brother. Learn the signing that applies to her NOW. Then, add the rest as its needed, at that time. Its easy to be overwhelmed. I wonder if Iowa School for the Deaf has any resources that would be free and available to you. You know that after this newborn nonsense settles down, that I would watch the kiddies over here so you could run to the school and learn some stuff or an hour or two. Drop em' off on the way!
As for the rest - girl, when it rains, it pours, doesnt it? Hang in there - there HAS to be some sunshine somewhere, there always is in a storm.
You are being so strong for your self and your family. Just remember, R doesn't know how to sign either. You and your family will learn as she does. You won't ever feel like you know it until you start using it. It will come. Hang in there mama! I hope you get some quiet down time soon.