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Update to losing everthing
First of all, again....for the billionth time. Thank you all SO much for all the adivce! Hearing all of it gave me a boost and I started making some changes. And I think my dad got a wakeup call as well.
Just to fill ya in: Sunday night my dad fell 3 different times between 12am-6am trying to get to the bathroom (even though he has a potty chair right next to his bed). Thankfully for him I heard him each time and after (much) struggle was able to get him back in bed. He was very confused each time. So I called for a non emergency transport to the hospital since I didn't want to risk getting him to the car (which, btw...took 4 phone calls to do. grrrr) Got him to the ER. I was convinced he needed a transfustion so they took blood, did a CT scan of his head in case he hit it while falling and did a chest xray. Everything came back normal, or atleast normal for my dad. And the ER doctor was going to discharge him and told him to go eat. WTF?! I lost my ish at that point. No way in hell he was ok to go home!
Ran up and talked to oncology for biopsy results. His PA informed me it was a different type of lymphoma, mild and slow growing. But they wouldn't treat him right now b/c of his deconditioning (which I 100% agree with. treatment would kill him). I ask for a hospice referral since everything else has been a dead end. She says she can't and I need to stay. Ummm....no. Its past the point of where it is safe for me to do this and I can't. She then says have my BF move here which is not an option. So the reply was "I don't know what to tell you then." And I flipped my ish and basically went off on her.
I refused to leave the oncology floor until I spoke w/ the cheif attending. He agreed my dad couldn't be treated and couldn't be alone. Discussed it w/ an admitting Dr. and they decided it would be best to keep him until arrangements could be made. My dads mind was all over the place...wasn't able to answer basic questions or replied w/ a statement that had nothing to do w/ the question. Had them do an MRI of his brain to see if that is why he isn't making sense (normal, btw).
So after 2 days of talking w/ oncolgists(say try everything), in patient drs (in between)and hospice drs (think I'm nuts for trying) we got a plan together that is in motion now. My dad was moved into a nursing home yesterday afternoon, 100% VA covered. He agreed to it as well which was promising. We told him we would keep his apartment as is so that its available to him when he gets stronger. He will be doing physical therapy 5 days a week and will be evaluated for progress in 1 month. If he is improving they wil continue until he is able to live on his own again. If its too difficult on him then he will be transferred to long term care where he will be taken care of until the need arises for Hospice and then we will take him to his apartment.
I'm hopeful for my dad yet realistic at the same time. If he gets strong enough for treatment and chooses to persue it then great. And if not thats ok too. The oncologists did say he has a 50% life expectancy of 6 months w/ out treatment. I'm glad I can give my dad this chance and that he actually wants it. At the end of the day I know I've done absolutely everything possible for him. That is what is most important to me right now.
Thankfully his sister kept herself in check and told me she would agree w/ whatever I decided. Through the whole process she was ok w/ me. However the beotch took my dads necklace that he told me I could wear....just helped herself to his stuff while she was here. Sigh. But I'm calling her out on it. And my mom has also kept herself in check w/in the last week or so which is great.
Last night I bought my plane ticket back home. I'm going to stay around here for a bit to make sure he is settled in ok and then I'm on my way. The nursing home will be in frequent contact w/ me as I will be w/ them. I'm hoping for the best and preparing for the worst all at the same time!
Re: Update to losing everthing
Gretchen Evie, born 7/8/2012 at 35w5d
I am so glad and so impressed.Very well done all the way around.
I will add that yet again, it is confirmed the the appropriate course of action while advocating for patient care it to flip out and loose-it as you move your way up the chain of command and doctors.
Yeah, medical care!
And please send a special thanks out to your dad for being a vet. I hope the VA does really well by him.
WTF is with your aunt? Taking his necklace? Unless it was their mom's (which would be the only possible excuse that is acceptable), I'd tell her if it isn't returned you're filing theft charges wtih the police.
I'm glad your dad is getting good care and you aren't alone in caring for him anymore!
+1
I'm so glad you are getting some relief from the constant stress. Best wishes to you.
Thanks for all the well wishes. So far its going good. I'm hoping for some improvement
Yeah....about this. I asked her about it and she is claiming that she didn't know he had a gold necklace or even a jewelry box for that matter. I personally put it in there before he moved so I know thats where it should be. And she was the only person to have access to that room unattended; she slept there for 2 nights. Even if it was her mothers I would still want it. I have nothing sentimental of my grandmothers, she took all of that as well.
I am glad you stood your ground and things are looking up. I can't believe what you've been through. I hope you can take some time to recover emotionally and physically.
I will keep you and your dad in my prayers.