Oklahoma Nesties
Once you hold the hand of love, it's all surmountable
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Miscarriage
I know that I posted on here earlier this week, that I was expecting.
I went to the hospital last night because of some bleeding. I lost the baby. I know it was early but I still find myself feeling a bit blue.
I have been reassured that this happens sometimes but I now afraid that this will always be in the back of my mind every time I get pregnant. My husband and I would like to keep trying. How long should I give myself to heal emotionally? I have a tendency to bury feelings so I want to allow myself enough time to REALLY be okay.
Any Advice?
Once you hold the hand of love, it's all surmountable
Re: Miscarriage
I'm so sorry to hear that
As a person who buries emotions, I know it can be hard to know when you're really okay to move on. There really isn't any time frame for this sort of thing, I'm afraid. Be patient with yourself and your body and I'm sure that when the time is right, you'll feel it.
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I'm very sorry to hear that you're going through this.
It sounds like you felt you had to justify your sadness. You don't. A miscarriage is a very real and painful loss. Your ob/gyn will probably give you some restrictions on when it is/isn't ok physically to get pregnant again. From there, you and your spouse will have to decide whether or not you're emotionally ready to try again. For some people, that's as soon as you get clearance from the doctor, and for others, they need time to grieve the hopes and dreams they had for the child they lost.
I second the recommendation to talk to a therapist if you're having a hard time coming to terms with this (and that's normal!). Several of us could give you recommendations via PM for counselors around here, if you'd like.
Thank you so much for all your thoughts and prayers and advice. It really means a lot.
Once you hold the hand of love, it's all surmountable
I am so sorry for your loss! I sadly can give you a bit of advice....
I went through two losses last year before getting pregnant with my daughter. I went through the first one like it was no big deal and did not grieve at all. Got PG again without realizing I needed time to grieve. After the second loss I had to see a professional and she really helped me understand that it was ok to need to wait and that I had some emotions I needed to deal with. I hate that MCs are so taboo If you ever need an ear you are more than welcome to PM me. Sadly, many of us around have gone through the heartache of a loss(es). Your OBGYN should give you a waiting period but it honestly may not be long enough for you to heal emotionally. I still had a terrible fear in the back of my mind through my last pregnancy that something terrible was going to happen.
Hugs to you during this difficult time.
I'm so sorry for your loss.
It's hard to say how long you should allow yourself because everyone is different. My advice is to evaluate where both you and your husband are emotionally when your OBGYN clears you to start trying again. Then just take it from there. Know that you're not alone, even though it might seem like it. As others have mentioned, don't be afraid to seek professional help.
I've had a miscarriage and an ectopic pregnancy, which resulted in surgery and me no longer being able to have children of my own. Like you, I tend to bury my emotions and I wasn't doing well at all for a couple months. My husband encouraged me to go to counseling and even went with me. It helped, but honestly what has helped me the most is that during this time I happened to meet and become friends with someone who was also grieving her own loss. Being able to talk to, vent, and cry with someone going through a similar pain at the same time has really helped both of us. In some ways, we understand each other better than our husbands do.
I hope that you have a wonderful support system to help you through this difficult time. Feel free to PM me if you would like. Again, I'm sorry for your loss.
I've had four miscarriages and every one I have grieved differently. I would encourage you to seek out someone to talk to if you think you will just bury your emotions and not deal with them. Your body may physically be ready to ttc again but sometimes emotionally it will take longer. Feel free to PM me if you want/need someone to talk to. (((hugs)))
Once you hold the hand of love, it's all surmountable