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Enforcing rules when the kids aren't yours
We have an 8 year old niece. She is a sweet kid but has never been disciplined by her father (my BIL is a single dad - mom isn't in the picture). They were at our house the other day and she had a tantrum - throwing things into our walls, kicking, screaming, bad language, etc. She isn't our kid, and BIL tends to just brush it off. However, in our home there are rules that we want to enforce. How can we do that without the support of her dad? We can get over the bad words, but when she throws the TV remote at the wall and dents it, or kicks me/my H, it is crossing a line and we want her to knock it off. She's too old to be acting out like that, but has never been told 'no' or punished for misbehaving.
Advice? TIA!
OH - they live in the NE and we're in the NW, so we only see them a few times a year. This has been going on since she was a baby.
FET - transferred two embryos (boy and girl) - Nov 2014 - BFP!
Re: Enforcing rules when the kids aren't yours
Spot on.
He'd better start nipping this in the bud. I will bet she is a behavior problem in school also.
He needs to be a dad and rulemaker, not a laizzez faire bystander who lets his daughter do as she wishes. She needs to learn that she is to listen to ALL ADULTS, and that means all adults exclusive of her dad.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
"We don't hit/kick/throw things in this house, so if you want to stay then you have to stop it."
If she won't stop:
"BIL, you're going to need to take her home if she's going to act like this." Then get up, open the door and show them out.
Ditto this and what Kuus said.
This, absolutely. Also, next time they stay in a hotel and take little miss sunshine with them wherever they go.
I agree with the others that in your house or if something impacts you, you need to speak up.
However, I would also say - tantrums are often not a discipline problem - they are a sign that something is wrong. In toddlers, tantrums are most often a sign that the child is overloaded (tired, hungry, frustrated), not that they are "bad." An 8 year old shouldn't be having a tantrum like that, and even if she were a spoiled brat (which you say she is not), that is not normal behavior for a child her age. What is going on in her life that she is acting like that? Does she have problems communicating her feelings? I think she needs to be checked out by a doctor / counselor. Maybe the fact that there is no mother in the picture bothers her more than anyone wants to admit.
You can be SURE I'd say something if a kid acted like that in my home and I wouldnt care whose child it was!!!
My house, my rules.
There is no way I'd put up with a child damaging my things just because their parent isnt 'PARENTING".
I also agree with this!
Oh yeah, there are definitely emotional issues. I don't know if anyone else recognizes it and I feel like it isn't my place to step in. I'm the inlaw. But yeah... I know it isn't normal. The thing is, she is good at school. She acts out when she is with family, but is really good at school and when separated from her dad. It's a tough situation. I get along well with my in laws, but not enough to start speaking out about parenting/discipline, especially since I don't have my own kids and can't speak from experience. It's a touchy subject.
FET - transferred two embryos (boy and girl) - Nov 2014 - BFP!