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Story about a jackasss coworker
So this happened over a month ago, but I'm just getting around to telling the story now.
We had a department night out and work. It was all good times. At around 11 there were only about 6 of us left out, and I called my man friend (who is Nigerian) to come out and join us. I introduced him to everyone and it turns out that there's a white South African I work with, we'll call him Mark, who my boy already knows. They used to work together.
So later in the night we're all at 'club' and I jokingly say to Mark (while man friend was out of earshot) "so, do you have any secrets about manfriend you can tell me?".
So he leans in, and says all concerned-like "Meggers, I need to tell you something".
He then launches into a massive rant about Nigerians, and how they're all awful. He says I shouldn't be dating one, and that he'll probably try to get me pregnant. He then asks me if I'm on birth control, and he hopes I am. He also asks how my dad would feel about me dating a Nigerian. And goes on to tell me that I need to be careful because they're all the same.
After way too long listening I say, "uh ok Mark. I'm going away now", to which he replies "well I hope he doesn't give you AIDS".
My jaw was pretty much on the floor as I walked over to manfriend, who asked me what Mark was saying. I wasn't going to tell him, but I did. At first he laughed it off, but I could see his face clouding over with rage, so we left.
He never liked Mark, and knows he's pretty much a big racist. He was really upset.
So I told several people at work on Monday. They were not surprised to learn that Mark held these views.
In almost 2 months he has spoken to me once. It's awkward for him, and I enjoy that.
Re: Story about a jackasss coworker
It's a boy! -- EDD 11.17.11
Back in the USA...for now...
I am so sorry that Mark is like that. Unfortunately, I have heard horrible stereotypes of Nigerians being in the mob. And because there is so much corruption in the nation that it comes with them when they leave the country. This statement is not from my South African husband, but a Ghanaian friend. I think it comes from all of those email scams about giving money. And I have read about the activity of the Nigerian mob in the South African newspapers when I visit.
It may give you an idea from where Mark comes from if negative news about Nigerians is so prevelant in his own country. Although the comments about trying to get you pregnant and him having AIDS is just ridiculous.
It's a boy! -- EDD 11.17.11
Back in the USA...for now...
I thought he said in the middle of the argument with the German after being outed that he was Somali and not to mess with him because then you'll have problems for your entire life, but he didn't really look Somali. I suppose it doesn't really matter where he was from though. They were both out of line.
It makes me embasrrassed that I am South African when I hear about people like Mark. Please note that note all white South African's are like that.
I hope this does not change the way anyone here thinks about me, but I do feel like I should also explain that when it does come to Nigerian people I automatically have to fight off nasty comments that come into my head. I have had a very nasty experience with Nigerians in Cape Town where they stole my phone and then tried to tell my Mom that they 'Were f#ck#ng your daughter, give us one million dollars or we will kill her'. It was me that rushed home to my Mom and was on the phone to them, but they never knew that (I will need to explain this story another day), my sisters have both had too many incidents and so have my friends. The Nigerian people are very clever. Too clever, because the majority that I have met do not use that for good, but rather for evil. Now, I realise that this is a generalisation and it does not give Mark the right to be so racist or nasty, your boy is probably perfectly lovely, but I know way too many South Africans that have been burnt by Nigerians and it is just getting worse in South Africa.
But I think this attitude is where the problem lies. I do not think that you're a racist, and I don't doubt that there are many Nigerians, in South Africa especially, that do bad things, but this is still generalising.
To me, you saying that you having bad experiences with some Nigerians colours your broader perception of them, is the same to me as saying that I've met too many South Africans who are racist, and so that's the first thing that comes to my head.
Generalising and stereotyping, toward any nationality, is so dangerous.Those men who called your mom were Nigerian, but they could have been from anywhere. And when I asked Mark about my boy (who comes from a good family, came here legally, has his masters and a good job), the last thing I expected was a tirade against everything that he is seen as, when he is obviously not the same as Nigerians who commit crimes.
I think it's sad that he has to work so hard to be successful, and then people like Mark lump him into the same group as criminals just because of where he's from.
White South Afriicans have a history of racism, which I don't doubt is still quite prevalent today, but you have to judge the individual. To me, it would be like if I said you and Dave were the same in your attitudes because of where you're from, but that's not fair.
This was long winded. Im summation, Mark's a jerk and I do not think you're like him, but I think that everyone has to work really hard to judge individuals, not groups.
I also fully admit I'm cranky today, so if I sounded preachy or judgmental, I did not mean to.
I like you
I do try and take every one has an individual, but my first thought is always a nasty one and I have to have a fight with myself to take that person as an individual. I hope that makes sense.
And I never expected that you woud have taken my post as all puppies and rainbows. I promise that if I ever meet you and your boy IRL, I will judge on an individual basis and not because of your nationalities.
Even if you do judge me on my nationality, you'll love me. I'm Canadian!. That's the good kind of judgment.
lol. True, I have never met a Canadian that I never loved. I mean really they gave the world maple syrup.