International Nesties
mrs_p2b
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Dress code advice
I have a wedding this Saturday and we are evening guests (gah! the dreaded b 'list' invite) which I accepted only because I assumed there was no ceremony since she's in her 40s and been married twice before. Nope - we're evening guests.
Anyways, the thing starts at 6pm and is a David Bowie tribute band reception (I might need lots of booze to get through this). No dress code on the invitation. I text someone else who I know is going. She says formalish, but no need for suit or high heels.
Huh?? What should I wear??
Re: Dress code advice
I'd just go with a simple, cute dress for you, nothing fancy, but not a beach thing. And for YH a pair of nice jeans and a button down shirt without a tie and a sports coat or some nicer looking jacket to make it 'semi-formal' (and really big 80's hair for you because of the David Bowie thing!
)
At least that's what I would do for 'formalish but no suit or heels as an evening-only-guest at a David Bowie themed wedding'.
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What I'm looking forward to in 2012:
Eating our way through (northern) Italy on vacation
<a href="http://www.thenest.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=HTML&utm_campaign=tickers" title="Home DUm... I'd probably just not go. lol! I have to admit, if I knew I was that kind of 'guest' with no food or ceremony, etc, I'd just no-show. It doesn't matter to their final count at that point anyway.
BUT, if you're really sure you want to attend, I'd just do a LBD and some sandals.
Wedding stuff.
I love being an evening guest! We've done it a couple times in the UK (don't really think it's done in the states, right?) and it's fantastic - all the fun without the boring ceremony bits.
I would do a cute dress and heels and DH would probably wear slacks and a button down. You'll be meeting up with all the people who were at the wedding all day and will be dressed for it so I wouldn't go super casual personally.
BFP Apr 2012, EDD Dec 19 2012 * twin h/b at 6wk, 9wk scan * Baby A lost at 12wks, Baby B was my rainbow born at 36wks
I said we'd go - and since they live in the village, it would be rude to no-show. But I get what you mean. It's 2 hours away and no free bar. Buffet style food, which is fine but it's the David Bowie theme that I'm dreading. A couple of songs sure, but a whole night. Reminds me of when I went to the Depeche Mode Bar in Tallinn - sometimes too much of something is just too much.
But yeah, I don't like the whole evening guest thing - in my head, you're either invited or you are not. And if you are making the trek and having to stay in a hotel, then a few free drinks wouldn't go amiss. Amiright??
Totally with you on the free drinks! I'd definitely expect that, b list or not.
But if you must go, I'd wear a dress and sandals and H would wear slacks or nice jeans and a shirt.
A Depeche Mode bar!?!?!? get out. That sounds like my kind of place! I need to go there.
David Bowie rocks. Don't hate.
The whole "B" list thing is crappy though..
I have no sandals!!! oh no!!
I'll go with heels - I won't be dancing anyways. And friend I texted is going to the ceremony and she says that most people will get changed between ceremony and the David Bowie reception.
I think you are all right though on what to wear - thanks!!
And yes, evening guests seems to be popular in the UK. Pitt - you're probably right, don't have to sit through the boring do you take this woman cr4p, but it still feels like you're just on the list to buy gifts (yes, we got instructions for gifts) and that's something I would never even mention to an evening guest (not that I would go that route anyway).
Oh, that's kind of tacky. We've been to a few evening receptions - we got a small gift for one (it wasn't on the invite or anything, just on their wedding website and we're good friends) and no gifts for the others. They were all in Edinburgh or close though, I don't know what I would do if travel was involved.
BFP Apr 2012, EDD Dec 19 2012 * twin h/b at 6wk, 9wk scan * Baby A lost at 12wks, Baby B was my rainbow born at 36wks
Hello 1980s:
So no gift is the consensus? Hmm - I feel weird about that too. But yes, I'm not going to go all out when we are only evening guests. Any gift suggestions - the invite said that they wanted John Lewis (department store) vouchers.
Oooh, loving the farrah inspiration. Thanks! I am having my hair done anyway that morning so I might instruct her to style it 80's-ish.
That is super tacky. If they aren't feeding you or giving you drinks then I don't think you have to give them a gift. We didn't! But we weren't asked to either...
If you want to do something, you could donate to a cause in their name?
BFP Apr 2012, EDD Dec 19 2012 * twin h/b at 6wk, 9wk scan * Baby A lost at 12wks, Baby B was my rainbow born at 36wks
Good idea, Pitt - might just do that!
Hahahaha - love the pic, thanks onesly!!
Or, since it's not formal - dig out my Frankie Says Relax t-shirt?
I actually have the Cheryl Baker (of Buck's Fizz fame) outfit and DH and I know the Making Your Mind Up routine. I can still totally do it.
I figured I'd chime in regarding the whole day or evening thing.
Inviting people as just evening guests is VERY common in NL. I honestly don't know anyone who hasn't done that. I guess it's because up 'til a few years ago everyone had to be married in city hall in order for it to be legal. the wedding rooms they have are all very small and the largest I've ever seen held 40 or so people. So you just invite immediate family and wedding party to the actual marriage, go ot to dinner with that same group and then move to a different location for your big ole party. Also, up 'til that same time marriages could only take place on weekdays, so in order to attend the actual marriage part, you'd have to take the day off work. Even with all the days off here, people don't tend to want to do that, so they skip the marriage and go to the evening party.
Taking all this into consideration, it is VERY uncommon not to offer free booze and snacks to everyone who attends the evening part. Also, gift giving for those who come to the evening part only is customary. However gift amounts are way lower than I've known of in the US.
The highest amount of money I've ever spent on a gift in NL was 40 euro's towards a gift we gave with a bunch of people and that was for me and FH combined (I was invited the whole day and he couldn't get off work, so he came for the evening part after dinner.) If I or FH and I together only go to the evening part (and there is booze and snacks and a band/dj and such) I give 20 to 25 (20 if it's just me, 25 if it's both of us, generally, and from what I hear around me, I'm definitely not a stingy gift-giver.)
Don't want to hijack the post, just figured I'd offer the perspective of someone who knows both customs very well. (Personally I like US wedding better, but that's just my opinion.)
My food blog
What I'm looking forward to in 2012:
Eating our way through (northern) Italy on vacation
<a href="http://www.thenest.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=HTML&utm_campaign=tickers" title="Home DThat's exactly what I was thinking. If I read "David Bowie reception," my first thought wouldn't even be a dress and sandals. It'd be space-age jumpsuit and red lightning across the face.
That actually makes sense - immediate family and wedding party for the ceremony, especially in the restrictions of space and time that you mentioned. In the UK that's not what happens though, at the weddings I have been to it is roughly 60% day+evening and 40% evening only.
I once got an 'upgrade'. The bride started hanging out with us more after the engagement and proudly told us after a couple of drinks one night that we'd been upgraded to day+evening status. Gee, thanks. Wondered why we never got a save the date invite that everyone was talking about...
Awesome. You've inspired me.
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We went to an evening do last Oct and we will NEVER go to one again. We thought we were invited to the whole day when we RSVPed and then figured out later we were not.
We spent ?50 on cabs and got a freaking piece of cake. Crap my friend, crap.
I bite my toungne all the time when people talk about evening dos. People say on weddings are SOOOO expensive, I know I just had one. Cut your list and have a better wedding.
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Yeah, we've only just realised that she is actually having a ceremony and that people we know are going to it. It's the awkwardness of turning up fresh faced and stone cold sober while everyone else is a few glasses in and all merry that I don't like. I'm naturally socially awkward. I want to cancel. I'm not sure that would be polite though. I hardly ever see them anyway though because they always have kids stuff to do so we've stopped inviting them. I actually assumed we really weren't friends but then we get the invite for the wedding (I didn't even know she was engaged again - this is the second engagement since I've known her) so I feel like I am making up numbers.
I'm actually thinking what's out of date in the fridge that I can eat to give myself mild food poisioning - DH won't let me back out otherwise. He's always doing the 'right thing' and cancelling at the last minute even as an evening guest wouldn't be okay with him.
My food blog
What I'm looking forward to in 2012:
Eating our way through (northern) Italy on vacation
<a href="http://www.thenest.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=HTML&utm_campaign=tickers" title="Home DNo, he's far too clever. It would have to be somewhat authentic. I'm going to need chunks.
ETA: brainwave! 2 x BCP should work... !! Beats licking raw chicken, right?
Anything you're mildly allergic to?
Honestly though, I would go, I would just make sure I'd dress up all 80's space invader and if the couple don't like that, you can tell them: "well, I was invited to a david bowie party, so I figured this was appropriate. I would've obviously dressed appropriately if I'd been invited to a wedding!" That'll teach her not to B-list you!
My food blog
What I'm looking forward to in 2012:
Eating our way through (northern) Italy on vacation
<a href="http://www.thenest.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=HTML&utm_campaign=tickers" title="Home D#winning
As an aside, I will go into shock if I eat clams, but they aren't that easy to find in northern UK... I think I like your strategy.
Now I'm picturing your H finding you holed up in the closet eating clams and laughing evilly as your eyes roll back in your head...
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