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I need to vent about MIL & FIL...
Let me preface this by saying that I've always been nervous about sending Austin to their house cause let's just say they are very "relaxed" when it comes to "watching" the grand kids....so they watched Austin at their house yesterday, and today cause daycare is on vacation this week. FIL showed up yesterday to pick him up with their 1970's carseat in the car...ya know the kind that has the big plastic thing that comes over them? Yea... So I ask him why he didn't bring the newer one and he tells me that they didn't feel like going over to the shed to get it...fine. So I tell him I'm going to take it out and put mine in cause I wasn't comfortable with Austin riding in that one. Which causes him to start yelling at me and telling me that it's a perfectly fine carseat and I'm being ridiculous, etc etc. So, I just give up cause there is no reasoning with that man. Later that night I call to see how he's doing and MIL tells me that she was in the kitchen with my neice and FIL was downstairs with my nephew, and Austin carried one of the pool sticks upstairs to her, and then carried the tractor downstairs to grandpa, and she found this just so funny...i did not....Austin is just starting to get good at going up and down stairs and their stairs are hardwood, so of course I'm like WTF?
Bottom line....they don't watch him. They don't worry about the things I worry about. And it enrages me to the point that I really don't think I can let him go over there anymore. The other night she was "watching" him and told me that she found 2 checkers in his mouth. W.T.F. She sees nothing wrong with this, and just laughs about it...I can go on and on with stories like this. It's like she doesn't consider that he can choke, or fall down the stairs, or fall on top of the pool stick, or that anything bad could ever happen.
Maybe I'm being irrational, as my husband seems to think, but really, do you think I am? Or would you worry about this stuff too?
After we got done talking about him going up and down the stairs and the carseat issue, she got all pissy and was like "So you want me to make sure he doesn't fall down the stairs, and bring him home in the newer carseat. Is there anything else that I need to do, miss?" in this really snarky tone, so she's obviously annoyed that I'm annoyed. I mean, really! I am SO sorry that I'm worried about my child's safety. Don't give me a reason to worry, and we won't have a problem!!!!!!!!! GAH!
Re: I need to vent about MIL & FIL...
I ask because I know that I was a lot more worried about the little things when it was just R, but after having a second child, I mellowed out more too.
But, I would be angry about the yelling at you over the carseat business, chill out dude! And the snarkiness too! Back off!
My ex-ILs would simply put R in front of the tv any time they were watching him, and then not pay any attention to him.
I'm a firm believer that if you don't feel your child is in safe hands, they probably aren't. You need to stand your ground and if you arne't comfortable with the carseat, stairs, etc., make it known. Your H should be more supportive and back you up on those things. Car seat and stair safety are no brainers.
I'm super laid back about parenting and safety, but I'm overly sensitive about carseats and stairs. Those 2 things freak me out!
The hard part is your DH isn't on board with you. But I would just really limit how much they see the kids then if they aren't going to comply with safety issues. It isn't like they are feeding them ice cream and you don't like it, your child could seriously get hurt! I'm they think Oh we raised X amount of kids already so we are just fine!.
I'm scared for my ILs to watch our future children. I made a comment about it once to Mike's sis how my mom has offered to watch them over the summers b/c she works for a school. She was like Um my parents can watch too! Ya but they haven't offered and if my mom offers she gets first dibs. I know DH's parents will watch the kids, but they will feed them whatever junk they have in the fridge and have them sit and watch tv all day. And not even kid shows - they'll have them planted watching CSI or soap operas. That is what they do when they watched other kids in the family.
I don't think this should be a matter of trying to relax on your part, given the specifics you have detailed. Letting him climb up and down the stairs holding objects by himself without any supervision, when he has just started figuring out how to do that, is not ok to me. Neither is ignoring your request that he be in an updated car seat.
And then combine that with info that your 8 mo-old nephew fell down the stairs while she was in another room, and your nieces are allowed to climb on the roof.....I don't think it's just you being overprotective. And having multiple grandchildren shouldn't be an excuse here, either.
When my mom watches B, she is on her like a hawk if she is near stairs or anything that could be dangerous. I agree with others that your H should take this more seriously (does he know about all of these facts re: nephews and nieces being allowed to do fairly dangerous things?) and be the communicator with your parents on this. And your MIL's snarky reply to you annoys even me, so I can imagine how it affected you.
I'm sorry that you're feeling this pull between looking after his safety and allowing his grandparents to spend time with him - that sounds very difficult.
I don't have any more advice to add, but I agree with PPs, you need so stand up for his safety. If you let him go over there because your DH won't stand up for you and something happens to DS, you are going to feel terrible, and probably resent your DH for not backing you. My ILs have watched E 2 times since she was born. Both were just for a couple hours, but I'm not comfortable with her there, so we don't ask them anymore. I'm not really concerned about her safety with them, it's just not an environment I want her in, and I'm not willing to back down on that.
It's your, and your DH's, responsibility to keep your son safe. If that means pissing of your ILs in the process, that's their problem.
See to me, the issue isn't pool sticks or stairs, it's the blatant disrespect they have for your concerns. "I was too lazy to get the real car seat out of the shed, so we'll just use this POS." "Is there anything else we're supposed to do?"
So they aren't going to watch them like hawks, fine, it's up to you to decide if you're okay with that, but to throw it in your face dismissively like YOU'RE the irrational one is flippant and rude.
WTF C!!!! That was not cool!
Don't let her being snarky make you back off! Stick to your guns...I know you can do that. Make them and A know and realize that you mean business. I don't think you are being unreasonable at all! Remember that if you ever need someone to watch him during the week you can call me. We can come and get him if need be! Also, I don't think that these are 1st time parent fears. I would be freaking out as well. 