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Fiance relies on sister for financial support...help!!
I moved in with my fiance and his sister three years ago. It was a temporary situation because I couldn't afford my rent.
Back then he had a good paying job and there was no problem with taking care of his bills. After being laid off, he settled for a minimum wage job. His sister now pays more and I still pay a third. He asked me to marry him last year and now I brought up that we haven't set a date he said he's working on going back to school and we agreed to have a long engagement (This was not the case!). He doesn't want to work on moving out to live by ourselves. He seems comfortable with his sister taking care of him.
I told him that if nothing changes, I'm moving out by the end of the year. I almost feel like leaving sooner than later because her boyfriend comes by, cooks and stores food in our condo, stays when she's not there and acts like he lives there too. There's no room for 3 let alone 4 people.
What should I do?!! I'm so stressed by this 
Re: Fiance relies on sister for financial support...help!!
Wow this sounds exactly like a guy I dated briefly a few years ago. Maybe it's the same one??
All joking aside, I think you need to be real with yourself about who your FI is and what you want out of a relationship. It sounds like he's pretty comfortable with his sister taking care of him and that you are not okay with this arrangement.
your FI is lazy and his sister is an enabler of that lazyness. break off the engagement and leave.
your moving there was supposed to be temporary (and isn't), his being unemployed was supposd to be temporary (and he hasn't done anything but minimum wage-and i'm assuming it's only ONE job, not 2 to bring in extra $, you were supposed to move out and set a date (again-hasn't happened), he was supposed to go back to school (and hasn't). are you seeing a pattern?
Total dead end.
You know what you should do.
He's shown you for years exactly who he is, so believe him. Move out & make a life for yourself without this man-child.
Sounds like you've had enough. Move out and call off the engagement. If he's not taking you seriously right now, he won't be taking you seriously by the end of the year.
If you move out and he's serious about keeping you, he'll cut the cord from his sister and he'll learn to support himself. If he does this, and consistently shows you that he's learned to take care of himself like an adult and that he won't be living like that anymore, then you could consider easing back into the relationship slowly and maybe down the line you could reconsider marrying him.
If he's lazy and doesn't work on improving his situation, though, then you will have dodged a gigantic bullet. And sorry, but if he's already an adult and he's clearly enjoying living like this, then I don't see him changing his ways now. Go live your own life as an independent, mature adult, and maybe in a while you will find someone better.
The point is, do something about it NOW, before it's too late. A ring on his finger won't fix this.
Times are tough enough what with everybody losing their jobs or being in jeopardy of a layoff or perhaps a salary cut. There are full grown adults in their 40s and 50s who have had to move in with parents, thanks to a job loss.
What's fishy here and uncomfortable is the fact that he doesn't want to move out and into a place with you and you alone.
Rethink this guy. It is not a financial issue that your FI has; he's got a maturity issue.
Move out tomorrow, don't wait until the end of the year.
Ever heard the term "sunk cost" in economic terms? That's pretty much how your relationship is now.
I know a girl in a very similiar situation. Their relationship has turned into her turning into a nagging mother type to her fiance. Sad really. After years of this he has become resentful and she is angry. He has been this way for years and she finally realized that he probably isnt going to change and has to accept it or leave.
When I was 20, my fiance asked his sister for a loan to buy my engagement ring (he was 26). He never repaid her, and he's now my ex-husband.
What should you do? Break things off, move out, and next time date someone who is willing to be a grown-up. Do not marry this guy.
This is a very good point. Non-typical living arrangements aren't necessarily a red flag in and of themselves - it's the lack of maturity and his refusal to fully participate in adulthood that is the issue.
You are SO lucky. You have had a perfect chance here to see precisely what your married life will be like. Your fiance is supposed to be trying to IMPRESS you at this point. This is when the two of you are supposed to be making plans, dreaming dreams, and making it so they happen. His plan is to suck off his sister and you while doing as little as is actually possible for a human to do.
You don't like what you see, do you? Of course you don't. You can waste a lot of time and energy trying to make this man be something he's not, or you can go find someone who's got what it is you're looking for. Run screaming, and don't wait till Xmas. It'll just make Xmas suck. Pull the metaphorical trigger.
This was the point I was trying to get accross.
If he's got an arrangement with a family member where she'll pay for the utilities and so forth -- or whatever the arrangement is financially ---- with him reimbursing her once he gets on his feet financially, great.
But like I said, the problem here is that he will not make a home with you and only you.
If you're set on marrying him, I strongly suggest you sit down with him and have a talk with him about marriage and finances:
Deadline for him and you to move out of Sis's and into your own place
You need to have him commit on a date -- if he will not do that, say goobye.
What type of payment plan or whatever he's got with Sis; I am sure she is covering his expenses now.
What extras you and he will cut to save expenses
What happens if he is very long term unemployed: this is somebody who is out of work for well over a year.
I'm still with leaving this guy posthaste because he can't seem to break away from Sis. If he won't commit on setting a date, say goobye, like I said; if he wont set a date, something is flukey here.
You seem kind of peeved that her boyfriend is coming over. WTF, it's her place! Is she supposed to pay 2/3 of the rent then leave every weekend so that you and your fiance can "play house" in her apt? And according to your original timeline, you weren't supposed to be in the apt. at this point - you were supposed to be on your own.
Move out. I wouldn't worry about your fiance, I would only worry about giving your SIL enough notice to find a new renter. If there is "no room for three people," there is no reason for YOU to be there.
Consider yourself blessed, you are getting a preview of what your life will be like when you marry your fi and he doesn't feel like working. Would you rather be the one footing 100% of the bills to support your fi/husband? You will be if you marry his lazy *ss!
In the time it takes for you to "wait" for your long engagement, you can meet a guy with a job (or working towards school), who doesn't rely on mom / dad / sis to support him and who CAN'T WAIT to be married to you. You deserve better.