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Ugh. Lying.
OK, so we've discovered (as we've suspected) that DSS is telling all sorts of lies.
Nothing that's a big deal ... just tall tales and outright lies designed to impress. He's trying to be cool. I get it.
Today, though, his friends were asking DH about some of the lies DSS said. ("We heard you're building DSS a go-kart!" etc.) DH pulled DSS aside, and quietly asked if he's telling his friends lies. DSS "swore to God" several times that he was telling the truth; even when pressed and asked if he was lying to DH's face.
Finally, he confessed.
DH asked him to send his friends home, and sent him to his room so DH could cool off before talking to him.
He called me, and we decided that the best way to handle it would be for DH to call DSS's mom and let her know what was going on (and that the issue was lying, not the subject of the lies).
Then we're going to ask DSS to tell him mom what he did; and then confess to his friends.
Finally, to drive home the point that lies destroy trust, and trust has to be rebuilt, we are going to spend a few days "not believing" DSS. Double-checking everything, etc.
We figure that he'll need his usual (limited) time with TV, video games, toys, etc., to relax after some stressful days.
I just hate this. I understand that he's lying to be cool. Heck, we all did it! And we all learned the consequences of our lies and how hard it is to rebuild trust.
Sometimes parenting is no fun.
I just had to share, and request validation for our chosen consequence. It seemed the most appropriate. (I am also not thrilled about the "swear to GOD" portion. Maybe some homegrown Bible study is appropriate, too. Ideas?)
Re: Ugh. Lying.
I'm a firm believer in the punishment fitting the crime, so I think it's a good idea to make DSS work to rebuild your and H's trust in him. Taking away TV, video games, etc. is probably not going to teach him about the importance of telling the truth.
As for the "swear to God" bit... this would bug me too, but I think it's up to you and DH to figure out how to deal with that based on your religious/spiritual life as a family.
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Boy, do I know exactly what you are going through. Maybe it is something with the age? All DS' friends do this as well. Gabe lies to us about lots of things that go on at his dad's and vice versa, to try and get us to "not like each other" ie, stop calling and being on the same page about him.
We basically told him that we have very little trust and that makes us sad. He knows that I will double check every story he tells, and he is always always punished for the lie. It has taken about a year for this really to sink in, and more of the truth seems to come out. Usually when caught in a relatively big lie, we make him call his grandma & tell her that he has lied. This works wonders for the shame aspect & after he is on the phone with her, he feels horrible.
About the God thing, maybe just explain that you don't care for that phrase. Gabe is pretty good about not saying things I hate- like "That sucks"; at least at home anyway.
Hang in there! You guys sound like you have it covered pretty well.