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New Army wife soon to PCS for the first time, needing advice
Hello Ladies!
This is my first post. I want to write about my dilema in hopes I get some helpful ideas and advice from some pros.
My husband and I got married just a few months ago and as you can imagine our bliss came to a halt when my hubby had to leave on deployment,(sound familiar?) The last few weeks have been very busy, for both my husband and I since we're working on getting command sponsorship so our daughter and I can join him where he's currently stationed for the next few years.
Everything has been going well for us and I basically have been so happy about finally! having our little family together under one roof. In fact, I've been too happy that I seem to have my head in the clouds too much. This move is going to be a fresh start for the three of us since we're pretty much starting from scratch. What do I mean from scratch? I mean the only thing I will be taking with me to our new home is just my daughter, our clothes and the joy in my heart.
I will not disclose where we're heading but I can tell you this....it's much cheaper for us to sell all we have and start over than it is to ship our household goods to our new hometown.(I've been told that the Army will not cover the cost of the move) This is where my dilema begins. I've been unemployed for the past two years and have not had much luck finding a job since, it's really hard for me to just sit back and rely just on my husbands income alone, specially that we have furnish our future new home soon. I won't have a car when I get to my future destination and as you can imagine this is a big problem when you have a child with you. The are no buses that run by the post and the few public buses that the "city" has only run once every couple of hours.(it will be a 5 mile walk just to get out of the post in -15 cold weather to the nearest bus stop in the middle of nowwhere with my daughter in tow) The stress from not having a job, not having a car when I get to the most rural place in the world is starting to get to me, and I try to put up a brave front for my husband, but it's getting harder by the day. I want to step into my new life with my feet well planted on the ground knowing what to expect from my new military family and I want to show my husband that he can count on me no matter what the cituation is. Guess trying to play superwoman is not so easy as one thinks.
Ladies, I know I just said a mouth full here but I really need help. Reality sank in and now I feel somewhat lost. I'm not too familiar with what I can expect from the FRG when I get there. I'm worried because I won't have a car to get around, to go shopping for my house in or to get to work in hopes I find one. I have a million and one questions and not many answers.
will you guide me to the light at the end of the tunnel? any feedback will be greatly appreciated,
thank you in advance 
Re: New Army wife soon to PCS for the first time, needing advice
Why won't the military pay for your move?
And are you moving somewhere with no military housing and/or no lending closet or boonie furniture? If so, what the hell kind of place are you moving to? Usually, the military is much more useful in OCONUS moves so I'm confused.
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I can't speak much on the PCS because DH was stationed in the same state that we were born and raised so it was no big deal.
However, I just got married in March and DH deployed in May. My recommendation is to make sure he takes you to JAG and makes you his power of attorney (POA). I've already had to use it. It's always good to have it just in case!
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My husband got to his duty station as a single soldier at the end of last year.. Like I said previously, we just got married a few months ago, and now he's gone on deployment for a year. We're heading overseas, and I was told since my husband got to his duty station alone that he would have to pay for moving us up there(haven't been told if we will be reembursed afterwards). He did however leave me a few POA so that I can make necessary decisions once our daughter and I get there. I'm not familiar at all with military policies, protocol or whatever they may be called.
We decided to go for on-post housing and look for a house off-post when he gets back next year.
The time difference doesn't help much as far as getting through to FRG or Relocation SPC. Most of the stuff I do is online so as you can imagine its frustrating because I can't ask specific questions to an actual human being.
our command sponsorship hasn't gone through yet, perhaps I should wait until it's approved before I get myself all worked up. I'm really really new to all of this and I feel like I may be asking silly questions.
He got stationed overseas last fall and he left on deployment in the spring, so no, we weren't on his orders
Not so with overseas locations. When the military member is already stationed there and gets married, he/she "acquires dependents." And acquired dependents are not entitled to jack crap. No moving allowance, no household good shipment, no visa/passport financial assistance, NOTHING.
ETA: I think this is the case with CONUS moves as well. If someone is stationed at Ft. Bliss, say, and gets married their new spouse's move to Ft. Bliss is not covered by the military. From what the OP is saying, her husband is already overseas and also happens to be deployed. In her case, command sponsorship merely amends the orders for her and her daughter to be added, but does not grant them typical PCS luxuries like a HHG shipment. Nor will she get spousal preference for a job. At their next base, however, she will be on orders and will have spousal preference. It's a hot mess. OP, I feel your pain.
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Without a car, I'm not sure I would even consider this move. My only advice is to make sure you are financially able to furnish the house and get yourself some sort of reliable transportation. Otherwise, you will (probably) be miserable, and that will transfer over to your marriage. Isolation will not do you or your LO any good, and it sounds like you are already stressing over it, which leads me to believe it will be an issue for you.
If your DH has friends that are willing to help out with carpooling so that you can use his vehicle, that would be a start. We moved to GA without a house to live in and ended up using a storage unit and a friend's hospitality. The good thing about the military is that there should be a strong backbone of support in his unit willing to lend a hand to make your move possible. I can't tell you how many times we've had to rely on someone from DH's unit and vice versa.
I know that's not very helpful, but just keep thinking it through and good luck.
How old are you and your child? Do you have any friends who are military dependents?
My best advice is don't get yourself worked up with fear of the unknown. You can't have expectations of your new military family. I've PCSd 4 times and deployed once and I've never had the same reception twice. Some sponsors and bases are really helpful. Some are not.
Your husband needs to take the reigns on this one. He has to be the one to go to housing, personnel, finance, DEERS, etc. Ask him to get you in contact with another spouse from his unit so you have someone to chat with before you get there.
How much longer is he supposed to be at his base? Like KC said, nobody would fault you for staying put until he gets PCS orders. You'd be on the orders, the military would pay for your move, and you could stay put and try to find a job in the states to supplement your H's income for a while. Job hunting is infinitely more difficult OCONUS.
Ain't it the truth. I'll be very honest and tell you that my experience with finding employment overseas was not easy. In fact, my husband deployed and I could not get a job. I applied for over 100, spent hours at HR, went to every government employment class/resume workshop/job fair out there and NOTHING! I was in a very dark place and, looking back, probably should have been medicated. New country, new experiences, new people, far away from family, husband at work all day, stuck at home, no car/limited public transport. It's a tough first year while you find your bearings and create a place for yourself, and I've never heard any different from other spouses. And I'm at a "good" base, one that people vie for.
And OP, he most likely will have to extend for a year by bringing on command sponsored dependents so bear in mind that even if he *only* has a year left at that station that will turn into two with one signature approving your CS package. Just letting you know what you're signing up for here.
I don't say this to scare you or anything; just giving you my very real and common experience about living life in another country. It's one thing to visit for a week, it's quite another to adapt to life overseas. It's OK if you decide to stay put until his next PCS. In fact, because you'll be footing the bill for your and your daughter's plane ticket to the OCONUS location, it would probably be a wiser choice to stay put.
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my husband will be stationed there for a few years. we've been waiting to move with him for the last year and a half, so yes i've done the waiting here at home already. when i get to the overseas location I will have money to buy home furnishing and even buy a car, my husband set a join account for us before he left on deployment so that i can do all this. i just wish there was a way for me to get around to get these things done, after that i'm sure i'll be fine. he's been doing a lot of the paperwork and on his down time he also manages to send me links or names of ppl who i can contact, the problem is having them get back to me. for those that asked how old I am, i'm 29 and my daughter is 5 years old.
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She didn't say don't go at all. She suggested waiting until he gets back from his deployment to move there. It seems like that would be a valid option since you won't be together any way. Maybe you'll be able to save a bit more money than if you were in what ever country you are going to.