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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
S/O Poll- Education or Occupation?
What's more important to you? A prospective husband's education or his occupation?
Re: S/O Poll- Education or Occupation?
I *think* education is more important to me in most instances, but education without at least some ambition would be worthless in my book.
For example, English PhDs have some of the hardest times finding academic jobs. So, if I met a guy who had his PhD in English but was working at Barnes and Noble while diligently applying for jobs that would utilize his degree, fine. If I met a guy who had a PhD in English and had just given up and moved to his parents' basement or decided, "F this..I'll just be the fry cook at McD's my whole life" that would be a dealbreaker.
As an interesting side note, I read an article once that "stay at home dads" were the new status symbol for some high powered women. I'm far from high powered (though I hope to be in a more powerful position some day!) but I could see myself feeling this way. Which is kind of weird, I think, given that I don't have the chops to be a SAHM myself.
I find it interesting that SAHDs are considered to be a "status symbol" for the high powered woman/mother. I had a SAHD, though it wasn't by his choice, my mom was not high-powered in her job, but instead was responsible with her money. We were considered strange by most.
It was nice having him around whenever I forgot homework at the house, or got sick, or just needed something.
Honestly, education. It has always been important to me to have a husband that had the same drive and goals as myself, now while I am pursuing a PhD, it makes it easier. I am fortunate in regards to this as hubby is very supportive of my choices and has the same drive in his education.
I agree with your perspective Amanjay... if one has a Masters for instance, yet had no drive, I would not find him interesting.
Interesting topic!
I am a bit torn. I greatly value a man who is educated. It doesn't necessarily matter to me if he has a specific degree (or any degree), as long as he's well-read, up on current events, and can offer insight in a meaningful conversation with me on important issues.
My H has his bachelor's and is very successful at his job, but he's also extremely well-read, a great writer (not his profession), and can discuss topics like religion and politics ad nauseam. He read a book while we were on our honeymoon about the lost art of manual labor - working with your hands. It really resonated with him, and we ended up talking about it quite a bit.
H is a creative manager who sits behind a desk 90% of the work day, but was lamenting the fact that he feels such a sense of satisfaction when he fixes something on our old VW bus or repairs a leak under the kitchen sink. It really got me to thinking. I will be the first to say that a college education is wonderful, and both H and I greatly value our bachelor's degees, but I feel like we might over-value attending a university in this country. Some people aren't cut out for careers that can be achieved with a degree. Some people prefer to do physical or technical work to earn a paycheck, and society shouldn't look down on them for being "less educated," because it's not necessarily the case. I heard on NPR the other day that there's actually a glut of specialized manufacturing jobs in this country that no one is applying for, even in this recession, because no one goes into that sort of work anymore.
I think there's an important distinction between someone who's "educated" and someone who has an "education." The majority of people in the U.S. have an education, but not many are truly educated, you know? So I think for me, I'd value an educated person first, then a person who's doing something they love that they're successful at, and then someone with an education.
I agree with this!
I agree as well - very well said! My H doesn't have a college degree yet, but I think in many ways he is a much more educated person than many people who do. I think drive and ambition in terms of life/career goals are much more important than the job you currently hold or your level of education. Even more important to me, though, is the drive to learn, even if you don't necessarily gain that knowledge through a formal education.
Critti, your husband is so freaking smart, it's ridiculous. I would most definitely consider him a highly educated person, despite his lack of "formal" education.
My father never graduated high school. I'm pretty sure he had some learning disabilities, possibly dysgraphia, that made school very difficult for him, despite his insatiable appetite for books, history, culture, and music. My dad and I would read books together when I was in high school, and compare notes. When his mind was good, it was like a trap for history. I admired the fact that he was so smart. Even my husband, who is notoriously high and mighty about his own level of intelligence (being snarky but he is), was and still is very impressed with all that my father knew, despite having only made it to the 10th grade (and who knows how much he cheated to get that far).
My mother has an Associate's degree in...something. It wasn't as important for women to go to college back then, so it's not as surprising, though my mom is very smart, and very good with numbers and money, which is likely why she wound up working in banking. However, mom has other types of intelligence, and is very astute and aware, and so my sister and I got away with practically NOTHING growing up. At least, nothing anyone else would have considered something they would want to get away with!
I guess all this is to say that it's both and neither for me. My dad was a truck driver who was very smart, and loved his job (while he could do it, before he got hurt) but his education was held back by his own problems. My mother is more educated, but hates her job. Which is better?
And thus concludes this long and probably far too personal look into my life...
I will be sure to tell him you think so.
He has somewhat of an inferiority complex about being among the least "educated" in our circle of friends, many of whom have one or more postgraduate degrees. I definitely think he's brilliant, but I may be a biased. =P
I wish he had talked more when I met him. I got the impression that we would get along well, but he was very quiet. Though, at that point, there were a lot of people around, so I'm sure that contributes.
He and I talked at length about journalism stuff. He's quite knowledgeable with that field as it relates to multimedia applications. I was impressed! I don't usually get to talk shop with anyone at gatherings :P I remember it being very loud while I was talking to him, at that point in the evening. Everyone was having these little conversations and it was like we were all yelling at each other!
It must be love on Mr. Critti day.
Your DH is actually the person I have in my head every time I think of "educated but not formally educated." He (and DH's good friend Jake) were the examples I was thinking of as my exceptions in the "Dealbreakers" poll below.
I agree with Fuzzy's assessment 110%, Critti! I love hanging out with you and the Mr. even when your knowledge (not you guys---just how much you know because you're both super nice and not at all smug about being smart) makes me feel dumb. For those of you who have not met Mr. Critti, this is how our conversations go down (details changed to protect the innocent and for a little dramatic interpretation of how I've seeing it in my head):
Mr. Critti: Hi, Nice to see you! What did you do this weekend, Amanjay?
Me: Caught up on Real Housewives of Orange County and Bad Girls' Club reruns before reading Marie Claire, painting my toenails, taking a 14 hour nap, and putting costumes on my dog. What did you do?
Mr. Critti: Not much. I studied theoretical physics and optimized some fancy thingamagigger that I plan to patent. Then Critti and I taught our kids all about photosynthesis by planting our own herb garden with 6 varieties of heirloom herbs that we helped them research as being most condusive to the Ph in Oklahoma soil. (Then, being genuinely nice) Your weekend sounds fun, too!
Me: (Thinking) Damn! I am totally wasting my life!
Mr. Amanjay: (Once we get in the car): Damn! We are some lazy SOBs. They're nice, though. We need to hang out with them more.
Me: Um...yeah. I don't think they're going to want to go on any more play dates unless we start reading more.
Mr. Amanjay: No problem. I just got a new copy of Sports Illustrated. And didn't you just read that Marie Claire that's in the bathroom?
Me: Um, yeah---I don't think that counts.
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And, scene!
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And to whomever said you can be super educated formally but not get an education, this is one of the saddest parts of my job. A study came out recently that found that over half of BA graduates do not increase their critical thinking skills AT ALL during college. That came out the day I abandoned most of my lesson plan for class (hard for me given my general analness) because we were having such an awesome in-class discussion on a relevent topic. It was one of those days people who want to be teachers dream about. Then some kid raised his hand in the middle of the discussion to ask, "Is this going to be on the test???" as his only class engagment for the day. It's no wonder. We let an adjunct instructor go when I was at another university because she was giving students THREE separate attempts to take the same exam. As in, you'd take it, look at your results, take it again, look at your results, and take it again if you wished. In.college! Headdesk.
I think I would vote education over occupation (agreeing that education takes many forms and what I'm really looking for is intelligence and interest in the world around us). I NEED to feel intellectually stimulated and I need to feel that I have some common ground and interests with a partner.
To me, I would equate choosing occupation with choosing earning power. I'm more interested in the person I interact with every day than their financial contributions. I suspect it's easier to feel that way knowing that I can comfortably support my family with my earning power.
I feel a little bad that this thread became so much about the intellectual badassness of my husband, but after the day we've had, I'm glad I can at least tell him my (very educated) friends think he's mega-smart in addition to the bad news I had to spring on him. =P
Hope everything's ok!
Hope everything's ok!
We were seriously Loling over here (which I think we both needed). I think you're giving us too much credit, though. We're mostly lazy bastards in our own right. H just spends a lot of time reading peer-reviewed science papers and listening to podcasts.
... and now I feel as though I need to pick up books (outside of those required when I do in fact meet Mr. Critti... LOL!