Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
when to have the talk
So to make a long story short... my husband wants to move to colorado from pennsylvania. I'm totally ok with it and on board and excited.
He finally got an interview this monday coming up for a place over there. and its just an interview, it may go well or not so well... my question is when should we tell family/friends about it. I don't want to worry them if nothing will come of this. but I dont want it to be a total shock like hey we're moving in 3 weeks across country.
His family already knows cause its all he talks about. his family is accepting of that which is cool. but I tried to tell my sister once and she flipped, got mad told him to leave her house and it did not go well. she's worried and concerned and is not ok with it by any means. I'm really close with her so it hurts a little she's not supportive. this also made me very weary about telling the rest of my family.
what should I do?
Re: when to have the talk
I can understand them being bummed that they won't see you as often ... but your sister is absolutely insane if she kicked your H out of her home over this. She doesn't have the obligation or the right to give you her stamp of approval. And if the rest of your family acts similarly, they're crazy too.
I can appreciate wanting to give (reasonable) family members a heads-up so that you don't suddenly drop a bomb on them. I won't lie - I'd be really upset if my sibling or my adult child sprung the news on me that they were moving across the country in two weeks. But I'd also like to think that I'm a reasonable-enough person where they wouldn't be scared to tell me about the initial interview in the first place. If I was a raving lunatic, then of course they wouldn't want to tell me.
You don't need anyone's approval to move away. And you especially shouldn't be trying to reason with someone who's going to completely overreact to the situation. If you think your family can react properly to the news (and if they'd truly keep it from your sister so as not to start an argument), you could tell them soon, "Hey, H got a job offer and it's in Colorado, so if het gets it then we may be moving soon."
But if they will react like your sister, then it's just best to tell them once it's a done deal, "H got a job in Colorado and we're moving there by [date]." End of discussion. Once, like a Band-Aid, and don't entertain any discussion about it. It's best to do that right before the move so that you're not fighting with them for several months. Or that you get into a big fight and then H doesn't even wind up getting the job.
And if your sister knows, and flipped out over it, I'm willing to bet that the rest of your family knows by now, too.
Does your sister think your husband is abusive...? Is she worried for your safety?
Otherwise, this doesn't make sense.
I was searching for a teaching job for a year and a half before we heard the news I was hired in another state. When we told my husband's family, his mother started sobbing in the middle of the restaurant and left. I think sometimes families will live in denial until it actually happens, but it couldn't hurt to mention it in conversation so that people can get used to the idea. Especially if he has an interview and isn't just perusing the internet.
Good luck!
I hope it ends up as well as it did for us! GL!
We told our families early. We got offered transfers for our companies to move from Kansas to Texas, and were debating whether or not to take them. So while weighing our options, we told both our families to get some feedback. My sis definitely wasn't happy, but she didn't react too badly. His parents were actually the surprise to me. DH is the son who lived the farthest away at the time (about 40 miles, his older brother was about 10 miles, and the younger brother about 15 miles), and his dad was not happy we were going to potentially move (and did end up moving). For us, it's only a 3-year move, and then we'll be transferring back to our old location, so it made it easier, but FIL actually told me that I couldn't have kids for 3 years. Yeah, right. That's not his call.
That said, if I didn't have a firm offer and thought the reactions were going to be all bad, I probably would have waited to say something.
I promise I did not leave out anything. We brought up the fact he was just looking at jobs in Colorado and then she flipped. That's my sister and yes she is crazy. I was expecting her to be upset but I didn't expect her to be so mad.
I stood up for my husband and told her she was nuts and overreacting. I think maybe it was a shock to her?
thanks for the advice everyone. I'm definitely only going to say something when its definite. Its not like i'm falling off the face of the earth. and we will visit.... lol
This and a few other things I wondered. If you are close to your sister, why did she have to hear it from your husband? Before I say your sister's behavior was wrong - how did your husband tell her? What is his relationship with her? If his family has known the entire time... why hasn't your family/sister been treated the same?
It is your life and you can do what you want, but I think you should have shared your thoughts of moving out there when you had them. At least it would have been less of a shock and your sister could have warmed up to the idea.
If your sister is a worrier and is crazy (as you say), then why did you tell her first? I would now be concerned with her opening her mouth and saying something to your family before you get a chance to.
As someone who moved 700 miles away from her entire family, it isn't easy. My family does not support my decision (Imoved 10 years ago) and it's hard for them.
This isn't about you, it's about them. You have to do what's best for you.