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I don't like sex
I don't know what's wrong and could use advice. Please no sugarcoating give it to me straight.
I don't enjoy sex with my fiance. He was my first and I knew that the first time was supposed to hurt and blood and whatever. Well that's been a while now and the hurt is suppose to have stopped by now and it's supposed to feel amazing, but it doesn't. When he first comes in it just feels weird/hurts and then while he gets going it honestly feels like nothing. It's just him grunting over me for a bit and then it's done. He feels really bad that it doesn't feel good for me, so I fake it now and then but it's just getting to where now when he gets in the mood I make something up (I'm tired, headache, etc.) Also I was his first to so maybe he doesn't know quite what to do...we have tried a few different positions and still really nothing.
In the 100 or so times we have had sex I've only came to orgasm once. then after that one time, nothing.
I don't want any advice like "leave him" or "find someone who can turn you one"
he's the one, we are great. This is the only thing and I feel like we can fix it, I just don't know how.
Many thanks!
Re: I don't like sex
Photo bomb, yeah!
Everyone tells me that sex gets better with age. I am lucky and orgasm every time my husband and I have sex. It takes practice and a whole lot of concentration as women we need it to be quiet and sensual no distractions soft is usually better than rough and crazy at least for me when I was first starting out.
Try an upright sitting position maybe on the couch with you on top. I always have an orgasm in this position because it hits the g-spot really well. Sit on top of him and hold each other close at your chest the close skin to skin contact is amazing for orgasm. Slowly rock back and forth picking up the speed as you go it's awesome!! Read up on books about techniques and positions as well don't be afraid to try new things until you finally find something that works. You will have to work through the pain for awhile if it continues then see a doctor to get checked out, Always always keep communication open with your husband don't shut him out or make the excuses you have been that will only lead to resentment and trouble for your marriage later. Start working on these issues now while you are still young and have a chance to fix them don't wait and don't be scared he loves and your happiness is important to him as well tell him how you have been feeling so you can start working on different things.
"A women who can kneel before the Lord can stand up to anything"
Have you had a full gyn checkup?
If not, get one.
Get one to rule out vaginisimus or interstitial cystitis.
If nothing organic or physical is the problem, I suggest 2 things:
1-Masturbate. If you have never done it, start now.
Do it by yourself; take your time and find out what touches turn you on. THen show him.
2-Lots of foreplay, lots of lube and go s l o w l y.:)
I also suggest you and he take a trip to a mainstream book store and buy one of those sex manuals that are geared to married/committed couples. It's more or less a "how to" book; every little bit helps.:)
I don't know when your wedding is but it would help enormously if you and he got your problems rectified and solved before your wedding. Sex, like money and religion, is one of the biggest issues couples argue about.
I have only been married for 2 months and I waited to have sex till I was married. All I can tell you is that you have to be very direct when you communication with him. Bluntly tell him, do this here/do it harder/slower... COMMUNICATE! When I first started having sex it was uncomfortable/not that enjoyable. Most women need other stimulation than penetration to have an orgasm. Once I learned this, I told my husband to rub me while he was penetrating and BAM! It totally works and I really really enjoy sex now. I also am a true believer that the more you have sex, the more you want it.
This. Definitely foreplay. If you're really warmed up then it shouldn't hurt when he enters. It took me a long time to physically enjoy sex and I still have to be really turned on and use lube (KY is my favorite) to have it not hurt when my BF enters.
Good luck with everything!
I've been in your spot and completely understand, know that you're not alone. I think the ladies have given you great advice.
I also wanted to add - don't get too stressed or think too much about it. The more worried and anxious you are, the harder it will be to relax, enjoy and figure out what you like sexually. I spent so much time worrying about how sex wasn't working for me that everytime anything sexual would start between H and I, I would automatically start to shut down and wasn't even giving us / me a chance to figure out what I wanted & needed.
When hubby and I were still dating, it started to hurt when we had sex. I ignored it, thinking it was probably nothing until one night after sex I began bleeding badly. I went to ER and discovered I had a pretty bad bacterial infection that had come from an untreated yeast infection. Moral of the story, if it's still hurting, I wouldn't take chances. Go to the Dr just to make sure it isn't something like that.
As for the lack of pleasure thing, I think it's pretty normal. Before meeting DH, I had 7 other sexual partners over the course of about 3 years and never once had an orgasm. I finally started having them once I met/started dating my husband and got comfortable enough with him to try more things my way. Girls are tricky with orgasms. The easiest and best way for me is on top, with me making most of the movements, and leaning inward. However, everyone's different. Keep experimenting with positions and don't be afriad to tell him exactly what you want in bed! Also, I think it helps with the guy goes down on you first.
Hope this helps! Just know that you aren't alone and this is normal! We've all been there, whether we like to admit or not!!
Sounds like some mental stimulation might help. Are you on the bc pill? A lot of pills will lower your sex drive. Try doing kegel exercises to get in the mood...it'll push blood flow to your vag area and think of whatever gets you hot and that will help put you in the mood. Once you're in the mood - mentally stay there. Even though it's tempting dont think about house work, kids, whats for dinner, nothing like that.
A position that might help you enjoy it more, is missionary with your legs closed. On your back, once he enters you, put your legs together inbetween his. Then have him go slow and rock with him. His pelvic area should press nicely against your clitoris and give you stimulation there.
Another tip, is try dressing in some lingerie and really taking your time satisfying him and getting him off. Then the next night, tell him it's his turn and he needs to do the same for you. Making love should be about BOTH of you enjoying it and getting pleasure.
Hope this helps.
If it is still painful, I would agree with getting a gyn check up to make sure there is nothing wrong. I would also try lubrication because after 100 times, you should be used to him by now. I would also try to change your frame of mind. If you go into it expecting not to enjoy it, you won't. Sex is not all about how it feels but it is mental for women. How are your feeling towards him? Are you guys having problems outside of sex. He also needs to know that he is not pleasing you. Faking it is not helping the situation. If he thinks you are feeling good, he has no reason to change anything. Talk to him in a gentle way and explore new things; foreplay, oral sex, massage, etc. Lovemaking is more than just penetration. Good luck to you. I hope it gets better.
Angela
Thank you for this post. I knew there had to be people out there experiencing the same thing I am, but it's not something you can just go around talking about.
My experiences have been similar. My husband and I were each other's first and we waited until we were married - a long, long, long time. I don't really feel anything. I did start taking birth control before we got married - maybe that is affecting me? I think he enjoys it, but he's afraid of hurting me. It's just so difficult and doesn't seem like it should be. I mean, if middle schoolers are doing it, why can't I?
Just doesn't seem worth the hassle.