Cleaning & Organizing
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Messy men :)
Quick Q.. anyone out there with messy husbands? I'm wondering.. how did you get them to clean up their act (if you were able to 
and if not.. do you ever feel resentful from constantly picking up after him, or do you not mind?
I'm just curious to see what the "norm" is.
Re: Messy men :)
My FI and I just bought a house together. We lived in separate apartments before this summer, but were always together at one place or the other. He's probably not messy by "man standards", but by mine, he is. I knew what I was getting into beforehand, as I spent a lot of time at his apartment, but sharing a space full time is different (who'd have thought? haha)
He thinks its ok to kick off his shoes and drop his pants in the living room, and just leave it there until he feels like bringing it upstairs... which may or may not happen on the same day. He also doesn't notice the hooks to hang up towels, the recycling bin for junk mail, or any of the other convenient receptacles for specific things that I've placed around the house.
I'm beginning to realize that our standards of "clean" are just completely different, and he probably (no definitely) thinks I'm a crazy woman for chasing him around, picking everything up.
I think to deal with it without going insane, I need to redefine my expectations, and he needs to step it up, so we can meet halfway. I don't want to start feeling resentful so early on, so I think establishing a level of "clean" that I can live with, and that he can adhere to is the best solution.
I've had the conversations, made the chore lists, begged, pleaded etc. to no avail. He'll *occasionally* (once in a blue moon) pick up things or wipe a counter down with windex, but if I ever caught him cleaning a bathroom, I'd probably faint.
We have the inside/outside agreement too, but since I'm home alot in the summer I help him out. More than anything, I think after a while you get used to it and picking up the socks, empty glasses, etc becomes natural and less annoying. Some things just don't show up on men's radar. (Or they see it and don't care...maybe we need to take lessons from them and quit requiring our homes to look "company ready" all the time...but good luck. I haven't stopped wanting that yet!)
Haha, good to know I'm not alone!
I've had a few talks with him.. we actually right now are physically writing down the things we do around the house after we do them because he had no idea about how much I do. When he had to do something a couple times (like dishes 2 days in a row) he would get upset like he's the only one that does it. Strangely, writing down what we do helps because we can see what exactly the other person is contributing. It's calmed the household chore "bickering". (For example, I would get sooo resentful when after work I would come home and do the picking up after him, cooking dinner, sweeping, mopping, dishes, etc.. he would come home, take out the trash and clean the kitty litter and complain that he always has to clean the kitty litter.) Now whenever he gets upset, we take out our lists and he looks at it and stops complaining. lol
Soo funny, the little quirks: my fiance likes to make himself comfortable in the living room by moving the coffee table diagonally so he can put his feet on it, and puts a tv tray on the other side, and surrounds himself with what he needs (remote, phone, newspaper, something to drink, a snack, etc..) and leaves it there. And I watch with horror as the coffee table is not straight and the tv tray & all the stuff, nooo!!! lol I think it's just me though.. I have learned to be more relaxed but it is hard sometimes. He leaves clutter everywhere.. I will clean the kitchen to where it's spotless and everything is in order.. then he enters the kitchen and the next thing I know, there is a wet rag on the counter, the coffee maker is on the other side, crumbs on the stove, cereal box out, etc. How in the world does he manage to make that mess in under 10 min? I have noo clue, lol!!
With me, I'm fine with cleaning up mostly but only as long as it's appreciated. I get resentful when I feel like I'm being taking for granted.. All is great now since the list though! It's funny, the little things that work.
)
I knew he was messy when I married him. Before we were married I talked with him about what I expected him to help out around the house. I am lucky if I ever get any of those things done. I have very strict rules about laundry. If the clothes are not where they belong, they do not get washed. I am not a maid, I refuse to pick his clothes off of the floor. I have to be very firm with him and its getting to a point that it is causing issues in our marriage. I am resentful. I work full time, do 99.9% of the cooking, cleaning and laundry and I am trying to go to school full time. OP if this is an issue now, then you need to sit him down and have a serious talk about this. It is much harder to get him to change after the fact instead of sticking to your guns at the beginning of the relationship. GL
My husband and I definitely have different standards for "clean". For example, if you were to ask me, part of "doing the dishes" is wiping down the countertops/stove, and putting away any appliances that were taken out to cook. For him? Not so much. So when he does the dishes (his main chore- I do all the laundry in exchange) he tends to leave the rest of the kitchen messy and it just makes me... twitch. Even tho' technically he DID do his chore.
Where it gets hard for me is that although I believe 100% in talking about what's bugging you (no mind-reading in our marriage), and although he is VERY GOOD about picking up when I ask him to, I start to resent having to ask. I hate hate HATE feeling like a nag, and I feel it's unfair that I'm put into the position where I have to be the "bad guy".
ON THE OTHER HAND, sometimes I come home and he's picked up because he knows it makes me happy- so I definitely have it way, way better than many. He's a good husband- I'm just the grand-daughter of an old-world German with all the implied Standards of Cleanliness that come with it!
Well, the good news is your the norm! (I think, anyway) The bad news is if your hubby is anything like mine, he most likely won't listen to anything. I have to beg him to do chores! It irritates me so bad sometimes! My big thing is throwing clothes on the floor instead of in the hamper. I even tried to solve the problem by giving him is own personal hamper right next to his side of the bed (where is usually throws his dirty clothes) He's better about it now, but once the hamper is full he reverts back to floor method! lol
THIS!
I hear the following quotes very often:
"If the sink isn't full, why are you washing the dishes?"
"I don't care if the clothes are folded, just leave 'em in the bag; I'll know where to find 'em!"
"Why make the bed, it's just going to get messy again?"
Pillows out of pillowcases. Socks EVERYWHERE. Why the hell is the nightstand always sticky?! The only thing he cares about are our son's toys being put away because he doesn't want them broken (finally we agree!)
But like a pp said, I knew he was like that when I married him. It doesn't bother me because it doesn't take forever to make the bed or wipe down the nightstand (but seriously, why is it sticky?!).
Today, my husband came home from a long hard day of work, took off his greasy, sweaty work shirt......and handed it to me. HELLO?! The hamper is BEHIND YOU!!!!! lol.
We also have the agreement that he takes care of the outside and I'll take care of the inside, although, we do have certain "inside" chores that are mine or his, for example, he loads the dishwasher, I unload it. He takes the trash out and I am in charge of the recycling. With that being said, I agree with PPs about his idea of "clean" certainly is different than mine! I found back when we first lived together that I'd ask him to clean something, he'd "clean" it, and then I'd get frustrated at him because it wasn't the way I wanted it. After arguing again and again I realized that there are just some things that I am pickier about than others and I just have to do those.
A big piece of advice: if you are like me, there are tons of messy things he'll do that drives you crazy and you just want to follow him around and get him to fix it, which we all know will never happen! Instead, just pick a thing or two that you need done the most and just ask him for that. Mine, for example, was that I got sick of him leaving glasses everywhere! I asked him "hey honey, can you just remember to put up the glasses, it will make it easier when I dust the coffe table, " and with only one task for him, it seems to work. A month or teo later, I asked for one more thing. Slowly but surely, if I don't pester him but only ask for something once in a while, it is a LOT more effective. Good luck!