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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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S/o cash bars - dry weddings
Have you ever been to one? What are your thoughts in general regardig them?
Re: S/o cash bars - dry weddings
For the record, I wouldn't fly half way around the world for a wedding with a dry reception in a church basement.I have a friend who works with a Baptist organization, and got married on their property, and had a reception with sweet tea and lemonade. It blew. But then she had a secret party later that night for her non work friends that involved copious amounts of alcohol.
Seriously, I don't have friends who would have a dry wedding. I think a weird born again cousin of mine had one but I was with my mom and like 18 so I didn't care.
I don't see it as dictating the menu so much as just being the norm. Most weddings (note I said most, not all) have alcohol. It is part of the celebration and has turned into part of the tradition. Obviously if there are religious reasons not to that is one thing, or if it is an early morning/afternoon wedding, I can see there not being alcohol.
Saying that, I am not sure that I have been to a party/baby shower/wedding shower, etc as an adult where there has not been some sort of alcohol offered.
My brother's wedding was dry and caused quite the debate in the family. The debate really bothered me because it could do the family good to have at least one get together without alcohol in our lives.
Why'd they do it? First off, they were 19 and 20. Secondly, they were paying for the wedding themselves and had already splashed out a lot on a gorgeous spot and a very nice meal. Finally, and fundamentally, it was (heh, irony, they drink now) what they believed. I'm from a town where, at many weddings, there's not even dancing because that's "sinful." There was only one dance at my brother's wedding, the father daughter dance, and the guests who are part of the religion/ethnic group that don't permit dancing left before that dance. My brother was good friends with those kids and believed in having neither booze nor dancing. Oh well, gotta respect his beliefs.
You know what? I actually had a good time at his wedding.
Don't worry, we're drinking and dancing at my wedding.
I posted this in the other thread, but my brother's wedding was like this because it was in a dry wedding in TN and a lot of the people there belonged to a certain Christian denomination that frowns on dancing. It was a "nice" reception--very elegant--but it sucked. It was pretty much over after an hour and a half and had completely cleared out after two hours.
I also think that there is a massive fundamental difference between a dinner party/housewarming/shower and a wedding. People spend a lot of money to go to weddings, especially if they are from OOT. They are massive events that sometimes social pressure dictates you attend (it's a sibling's wedding or that of a close friend). I think it's rude to ask someone to fly somewhere for your wedding, pay for a hotel, a rental car, everything that comes along with being out of town, and a gift, and then tell them they can't have a drink. I don't have a problem with cash bars. I do have a problem with someone else telling me that I'm not free to purchase alcohol (especially if I've already shelled out hundreds of $$$ just to get there) assuming the establishment is one that generally sells it.
Ditto.
How is it rude? The couple (or their parents) are the ones paying for the wedding. It's THEIR day. I say, if a couple wants a dry wedding, I'm down with it. Just be happy they wanted to include you on their special day.
I am fully aware that this is a regional thing. Where I am from, it is rude to offer to host someone and then to not think or care about their comfort. It's one thing if no one you know or are inviting drinks, it's quite another if they do. Never in a million years would I ask someone who drinks to take time off work, pay for a plane ticket and hotel to come to my wedding and then tell them that they couldn't even buy themselves a glass of wine. They're pouring hundreds, possibly thousands of dollars into attending your wedding and in return you're dictating their actions.
No you are not. You are inviting them to a party. I think it's rude to assume that there will be alcohol. Just as it's rude to assume you'll get a plated dinner. The couple is throwing a party in celebration of their marriage. They are not dictating actions. They are hosting a party. If you want to get a drink at a bar on the way to or from the wedding, there is nothing stopping you. They are not providing alcohol. If it is such a horrible injustice to attend a dry wedding, you as the invited guest, have the option to not go. And taking advantage of that option, you have saved yourself those thousands of dollars.
Like I said, I know that it's regional. I also don't think it's something to get worked up about. Like you said, I have the option not to go (which I stated at the beginning of this post that I would be electing to take in the future). But at the same time, given that alcohol has been served at weddings for thousands of years, I don't see how it's rude to assume that it would be served.
I have to go to one last dry wedding this fall because it's my sister's wedding and I'm the MOH and neither she nor her FI drink for religious reasons. I'm not really sure you can call it a true dry wedding though. Her reception is at my parent's country club. The bars in the room where she's having the reception and the outdoor terrace won't be serving alcohol, per their request. My father, however, is opening a tab at the third bar on the other side of the club for his side of the family and anyone else who would like a drink. I am happy he's doing so because this club has a phenomenal wine list, which is one of the things I miss most about home.
I don't think it's rude to assume there'd be alcohol or anything, but I do think if the couple gets caught up with guests expectations it's just a big mess. I mean, from the previous post about this it seemed obvious that a lot of people expect that drinks should be provided and something else should be omitted/reduced if the couple can't afford it. Either other guests, centerpieces, food, or whatever. Realistically, though, people get upset about something/everything with weddings. The idea of having to pay for drinks might upset other people, while others may get upset that there weren't food options, or that they weren't even invited or that it was adults only or the band sucked or that out of town guests weren't invited to the rehearsal dinner.
As for the original question, one of my really good friends was going to have a dry wedding. Her parents are very against drinking, her dad's well-known in the community in the church and there were going to be a lot of his church friends. I think they compromised and served champaign and then the couple did a small get together later.
Oh - and I have been invited to a wedding where people paid for their meal. I didn't go because I had work obligations. No one complained. The couple did keep it small to family/friends that would understand why the meal wasn't included.
I grew up in a non-drinking household. None of my parents friends drank, none of our family drank... it just wasnt a part of our lives. Not for religious reasons or anything, they just didn't. My brother and his wife had a dry wedding and I didn't care at all. It was outdoors in a park at noon with 95 degree weather and 100% humidity and the last thing I was missing was alcohol.
DH's parents found it really confusing but honestly, it would do them some good to someday plan an event around anything except drinking.
I don't think alcohol is part of any of my assumptions for any event. Most of our friends drink and DH's family certainly does, but I don't always and some friends don't and I really don't get fussed about it. If we are invited to dinner at a friends without alcohol it takes me a while to even notice. I think it's a problem that DH's family starts with the alcohol and continues planning events from there.
BFP Apr 2012, EDD Dec 19 2012 * twin h/b at 6wk, 9wk scan * Baby A lost at 12wks, Baby B was my rainbow born at 36wks
I feel just like this.
I don't think I've ever been to a dry wedding but I can't imagine getting upset if I were to attend one in future.
I've been to one dry wedding. It really was a nice wedding. The ceremony and reception were both at the church. The worst thing wasn't that they didn't have alcohol, but they didn't have enough things to drink at all. I was sooo thirsty and couldn't even find a drink of water.
H's cousins had a cash bar at his wedding. I'd rather that over dry, but I remember thinking about how ridiculous it was to have like 500 people at the wedding and having a cash bar. Cut that list in half and have beer and wine at least.
Yep, never happened to me.
To answer the op, I have never been to one & don't expect to ever do, but then again my friends serve alcohol at baby showers...
Maybe, I am strange but I would rather go to a dry wedding than a wedding with a cash bar. When I think of a cash bar, it would be like having a dinner party at my house but making people pay to drink my alcohol. I just cant imagine saying, okay the pepsi is free but if you want to drink my Spanish wine, then you are going to have to pay me 5 euros.
I can understand dry weddings, if it is for religious reasons or the wedding takes place in the morning or early afternoon.
One of my good friends had a dry wedding. They didn't serve dinner, so it was just a good old-fashioned afternoon cake and punch reception. I flew across the country to go to their wedding and to see my old friends, so it didn't really phase me. Even if it had been dinner - I have dinner here all the time without drinking, since I can't afford restaurant wine prices. I survive.
It's not usually as much fun, since some people won't dance or relax until they've had a few, but I figure other people have different tastes in planning their weddings. Some people don't really care about the dance floor, just like I didn't really care about flowers. But then again, I'm probably not in a position to talk wedding stuff. Maybe if I'd spent more money on flowers, we wouldn't be getting a divorce.
Wedding stuff.
This, exactly!
My food blog
What I'm looking forward to in 2012:
Eating our way through (northern) Italy on vacation
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