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Random question re: step parent

My step-dad who married my mom when I was like 7 and always treated me and my sis like his "real" children sells dental supplies and "builds" offices for new dentists - not the physical work, but he supplies all the equipment and has contractors that do the construction, etc.  He deals with many dentists locally.  

I am sitting here writing out a payment to Tman's dentist.  He's a specialty children's dentist, so our insurance only covers the regular amount, not the additional cost of going to a special dentist.  That is fine and TOTALLY worth the extra $56.  But, it did get me thinking and wondering if I were to tell the dentist who my step-dad is, maybe he'd give me a deal.  My step-dad did tell me that he knows this dentist well and does business with him regularly.

Okay, so that's the background of what I'm thinking about.  My question is if I were to say to the dentist, "Oh, my dad is xxx." would that be weird?  I hate addressing him as my step-dad to strangers because it sounds so impersonal, but is calling him my dad dishonest? 

Random, weird and silly, I know.  Thanks for humoring me. :)

T-man (07/27/05, 2:52pm, 10 lbs, 2 oz, 22") My Blog
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Re: Random question re: step parent

  • I think it's totally fine to refer to your step-dad as your dad to the dentist, and not weird/dishonest at all.
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  • My dad married my step-mom when I was 8 and they were married for 22 years (they just got divorced last year). My mother would get upset if I called my step-mom my mom, but most of the time I was closer to her than my "actual" mom. However, it was usually easier to just call my stepmom my mom to people who don't know otherwise, who it wouldn't get back to my mom and hurt her feelings, and makes no difference in the long run.

    Which really comes down to, call him your dad. It's NOT dishonest at all. "Step" only really references blood lines, not familial relationships. :)

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  • imageKST_:

    My mother would get upset if I called my step-mom my mom, but most of the time I was closer to her than my "actual" mom.

    I think this is part of my hesitation, too.  My dad would always get upset, too.
    T-man (07/27/05, 2:52pm, 10 lbs, 2 oz, 22") My Blog
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    TTC #2 for a million years: SA normal, CD 23 bloodwork shows nothing amiss, ovulation detected. Next step: ? maybe CD3 bloodwork to check eggs? All out of pocket, so limited IF tests/treatments.
  • imagebabyaustin725:

    I am sitting here writing out a payment to Tman's dentist.  He's a specialty children's dentist, so our insurance only covers the regular amount, not the additional cost of going to a special dentist.  That is fine and TOTALLY worth the extra $56.  But, it did get me thinking and wondering if I were to tell the dentist who my step-dad is, maybe he'd give me a deal.  My step-dad did tell me that he knows this dentist well and does business with him regularly.

    I'm not being snarky at all here, but I'm confused why you're asking for a discount after the fact esp when you knew that you'd have to pay out of pocket and you were ok with it before your son when in to the dentist.  To me, it seems like you should have talked to the dentist and billing before and not after the fact. Personally, I'd pay the $56 this time. 

    And, I'm not entirely sure (bc I don't have s-parents), but I assume it's ok to call him your dad if that's how you actually feel about him and you aren't just saying that for a discount. 

  • Oh no way, I am totally paying it.  It's not even a question.  It's totally worth it and the check is written out and in the envelope all ready to go.  I would never even ask for a deal at all.  I was just thinking it all through in my mind while the bill was in front of me.  Like daydreaming, "Oh wouldn't it be sweet if I mentioned that he was my dad and the dentist brought out the drums and confetti and told me all the x-rays are on the house."  That just got me thinking about how I never know if I should say dad or step-dad.
    T-man (07/27/05, 2:52pm, 10 lbs, 2 oz, 22") My Blog
    Lilypie Kids Birthday tickers image
    TTC #2 for a million years: SA normal, CD 23 bloodwork shows nothing amiss, ovulation detected. Next step: ? maybe CD3 bloodwork to check eggs? All out of pocket, so limited IF tests/treatments.
  • imagebabyaustin725:
    Oh no way, I am totally paying it.  It's not even a question.  It's totally worth it and the check is written out and in the envelope all ready to go.  I would never even ask for a deal at all.  I was just thinking it all through in my mind while the bill was in front of me.  Like daydreaming, "Oh wouldn't it be sweet if I mentioned that he was my dad and the dentist brought out the drums and confetti and told me all the x-rays are on the house."  That just got me thinking about how I never know if I should say dad or step-dad.

    Oh gotcha. That totally makes sense now. 

    I'd mention it in passing then for sure. Who knows DS might get a second toy from the treasure chest. 

  • Can your step dad maybe take tman to the dentist with you one day?

    or maybe you can say "my dad speaks very highly of you", and dentist could say "oh yeah? who's your dad".

    i dont think calling him your dad is dishonest at all. 

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  • imagejennlin:

    Can your step dad maybe take tman to the dentist with you one day?

    or maybe you can say "my dad speaks very highly of you", and dentist could say "oh yeah? who's your dad".

    i dont think calling him your dad is dishonest at all. 

    Oh good idea.  My only concern with this is that I wouldn't want the dentist to think that it was like a tit for tat thing.  Like I wouldn't want him to give me a deal because my step-dad was there and then expect a discount on services from my step-dad.  I don't want to screw my step-dad out of any of his profits.

    Eh, it's only $56 for a dental experience that my son actually enjoys.  I should just be happy that he doesn't freak out anymore.

    T-man (07/27/05, 2:52pm, 10 lbs, 2 oz, 22") My Blog
    Lilypie Kids Birthday tickers image
    TTC #2 for a million years: SA normal, CD 23 bloodwork shows nothing amiss, ovulation detected. Next step: ? maybe CD3 bloodwork to check eggs? All out of pocket, so limited IF tests/treatments.
  • That's a good question.
    I know it's not the same, but i call dh's cousins my cousins to people who don't know any of them b/c it doesn't feel dishonest and it gets the point across.  Same is true of his grandpa.  On the other hand, i wouldn't ever feel comfortable referring to my brothers-in-law as my brothers.
    Regarding the step-dad situation, specifically, though, if you grew up calling him dad, then it's 100% honest in a situation like this.  Also, if you call J's parents mom and dad, then it's no different than referring to your step-dad as dad, whether or not you call him dad generally.
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  • imagebabyaustin725:

    Oh good idea.  My only concern with this is that I wouldn't want the dentist to think that it was like a tit for tat thing.  Like I wouldn't want him to give me a deal because my step-dad was there and then expect a discount on services from my step-dad.  I don't want to screw my step-dad out of any of his profits.

    if you don't *ask* for a discount, he shouldn't expect one back..

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    who says you can only wear your wedding dress once?

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  • I'd totally say it was your dad. And who says you can't have two people that you call dad? If you feel like he is your dad, then call him that. Plus, it's worth a shot right!?
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