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BR: Hard Day
It's been a difficult day for me and I just needed some reassurance. First, we get up this morning and I realize that I dont have enough milk to send with MIL who is doing a trial run at watching Cullen this morning. So I have to wake up DH so I can pump before she gets there to pick him up. As I am preparing Cullen's bottle the liner (we use Drop Ins) breaks and milk goes everywhere...lost the entire bottle. So I had to use my last bag in the freezer to be able to even feed him. Then DH snaps at me which leads to a huge argument, which I am still in a funk about.
MIL leaves with Cullen and I go run errands and then go pick him up. She says he did ok but was fussy, which I expected because he has been REALLY fussy lately. We come home and shortly after he wakes up from his nap I have to give him his first bottle of formula to prepare him for daycare next week, which I have procrastinating about for weeks. I lost it as I was feeding him. I feel so guilty for having to give him formula, not because I think formula is bad, but because he is already colicky (confirmed by doctor last night) and I'm afraid the formula is going to make it worse. Then I start crying even harder because I go back to work on Monday and I realize that this is the last day I have with him. I am ready to have to some time to myself at work, but then I feel guilty for feeling like that. Guilt, guilt, guilt...ugh. I know it will get better, but it sucks right now, especially when I cant talk to DH about it because he made me so mad this morning.
Re: BR: Hard Day
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Cut the Crap - Weight loss journey of a Few Fat Chicks
I'm sorry you had such a rough day. Going back to work and getting into a routine hopefully will be good for you.
You've been going through so much stress with the colic and all, do you have someone you can talk to? Like really talk to, not just say everything's fine, but someone you can tell how much it all sucks right now? I really hope you have someone like that. It made me feel so much better when Alex was screaming for the third hour straight and my mother just told me, "It sucks. I know it sucks." Just that made me feel less guilt about the screaming baby and the feeling of failure I had while dealing with it.