Cincinnati Nesties
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Vent: DH, Home Repairs, My Party, and the MIL (LONG)
I posted last week about how I'm having a ThirtyOne party at our home in a couple of weeks, but our house is a major renovation, blah, blah, blah.
Well, before I sent out the invites, I asked DH that if I gave him a "honey do" list would he do it, would he really do it by the date (Aug 20). And would he promise to do the things on my list, and not what he thought needed done (which tends to happen).
He promised me he would. He cross-my-heart promised he would do my "honey do" list.
You see where this is going, right?
So Monday, we met at the park for a picnic, let DD play for a few minutes, then headed home. At the park, he was saying the between work shifts, and the big job he's working on for a client for his business, he really didn't know when he would find time to work on our house before my party (insert rising stress level). But maybe... yes, tonight he could at least do blah before DD went to bed.
We leave the park, and on the way home he calls me (we're in separate cars, having met at the park) to tell me he's going to his parents' house to help them install blinds (they just bought a new house).
I remind him of his deadline to get things done at our house by the 20th, and remind him that while yes, he did offer to help them with their house, they are on absolutely no deadline, since their old house isn't even on the market yet. He says he knows, and turns around anyway to go to their house.
He's there for over three hours. Doesn't even get home till after DD is in bed.
Tuesday he primarily had to work for his business doing work for a client. He was working for home, and I gave him a "honey do" list of 3 things. Just three. He did one of them.
Which I'm thankful for, but... one.
That night after dinner, he proceeded to work on various projects on the house that he thought needed done, and refused to do my list, because his were "more important" (they're not, they're just more fun... or something).
Yesterday he was on shift, so nothing. And he's working a double, so today, nothing.
He works his 2nd job Friday during the day, so he won't even be home until Friday evening.
He calls last night and tells me he knows what he's doing Friday night. Helping his parents move in.
His mom called him earlier in the day and asked him. Actually... she asked him to take of the day (without pay), and when he refused guilted him into committing to Friday night.
I reminded him of the Aug 20, and reminded him that his parents have no deadline. He gets ticked at me.
Inside, I know it's because he's getting it from both sides (me & his mom), but... I don't really care.
He has committed to working on our house, doing my list by next Saturday, and with what little free time he has he is giving in to his mom.
The work for them has already exploded way beyond what it was supposed to be (it was originally to just help them move in, then help us clean & paint, then move in, then it became do minor electrical work, refinish the deck, bush-hog the back yard, paint the shutters, fix the gutters, install new lighting, install new flooring, install new blinds... and help us move in)
I am so ticked. And I'm getting so anxious for my party that nothing will be done. And I don't have time to learn. And we don't have the $$ to pay someone to do it.
And while I'm not angry with his mother, I am disgusted with her. She constantly manipulates him and guilts him into doing things and forces him to choose between me & her and it just disgusts me that she would even put him in that position. She's even made him choose between her & DD before! It's disgusting. The longer I know her, the less I like her. I really am just finding her to be a despicable person.
And to add insult to injury - their new house? Closer to us than before. Great.
Thanks for letting me vent.
Well, before I sent out the invites, I asked DH that if I gave him a "honey do" list would he do it, would he really do it by the date (Aug 20). And would he promise to do the things on my list, and not what he thought needed done (which tends to happen).
He promised me he would. He cross-my-heart promised he would do my "honey do" list.
You see where this is going, right?
So Monday, we met at the park for a picnic, let DD play for a few minutes, then headed home. At the park, he was saying the between work shifts, and the big job he's working on for a client for his business, he really didn't know when he would find time to work on our house before my party (insert rising stress level). But maybe... yes, tonight he could at least do blah before DD went to bed.
We leave the park, and on the way home he calls me (we're in separate cars, having met at the park) to tell me he's going to his parents' house to help them install blinds (they just bought a new house).
I remind him of his deadline to get things done at our house by the 20th, and remind him that while yes, he did offer to help them with their house, they are on absolutely no deadline, since their old house isn't even on the market yet. He says he knows, and turns around anyway to go to their house.
He's there for over three hours. Doesn't even get home till after DD is in bed.
Tuesday he primarily had to work for his business doing work for a client. He was working for home, and I gave him a "honey do" list of 3 things. Just three. He did one of them.
Which I'm thankful for, but... one.
That night after dinner, he proceeded to work on various projects on the house that he thought needed done, and refused to do my list, because his were "more important" (they're not, they're just more fun... or something).
Yesterday he was on shift, so nothing. And he's working a double, so today, nothing.
He works his 2nd job Friday during the day, so he won't even be home until Friday evening.
He calls last night and tells me he knows what he's doing Friday night. Helping his parents move in.
His mom called him earlier in the day and asked him. Actually... she asked him to take of the day (without pay), and when he refused guilted him into committing to Friday night.
I reminded him of the Aug 20, and reminded him that his parents have no deadline. He gets ticked at me.
Inside, I know it's because he's getting it from both sides (me & his mom), but... I don't really care.
He has committed to working on our house, doing my list by next Saturday, and with what little free time he has he is giving in to his mom.
The work for them has already exploded way beyond what it was supposed to be (it was originally to just help them move in, then help us clean & paint, then move in, then it became do minor electrical work, refinish the deck, bush-hog the back yard, paint the shutters, fix the gutters, install new lighting, install new flooring, install new blinds... and help us move in)
I am so ticked. And I'm getting so anxious for my party that nothing will be done. And I don't have time to learn. And we don't have the $$ to pay someone to do it.
And while I'm not angry with his mother, I am disgusted with her. She constantly manipulates him and guilts him into doing things and forces him to choose between me & her and it just disgusts me that she would even put him in that position. She's even made him choose between her & DD before! It's disgusting. The longer I know her, the less I like her. I really am just finding her to be a despicable person.
And to add insult to injury - their new house? Closer to us than before. Great.
Thanks for letting me vent.
Re: Vent: DH, Home Repairs, My Party, and the MIL (LONG)
Duplicate
I think you need to share some of the responsibility here - you've chosen to throw a party when your home wasn't up to YOUR specs to do it. Then you put all the pressure on him to get it ready when I'm sure he could give a fig less about a party he probably isn't invited to or interested in. Is that fair? And you keep reminding him about that list - which I have to say - would guarantee in my house that it wouldn't get done. You're nagging a kid rather than respecting that your husband will honor his commitments to you by the date. Also, you could pick a task or two and at least try to learn - whether you think you have time or not. Make an effort yourself. I know my husband gets it in gear pretty quickly when he sees I'm willing to be a part of the effort.
Likewise - he shouldn't have made a blanket commitment to you unless he had a plan in mind to meet that commitment. Personally, I would suggest sitting down with a calendar and the two of you having a conversation about what on that list can get done realistically before the 20th - and be willing to ditch a few things on the list.
As far as him dumping you for his mom on a regular basis - marriage counseling. You've got a husband problem, not a MIL problem. And it's not going to go away unless she kicks it. Get a professional. While I don't personally care for mama's boys that much, would you respect him more if he treated his mom like crap and ignored her all the time? Sorry for the...candor.
Nota - your candor is refreshing in our politically correct society. However, may I suggest some sensitivity training?
Just a little candor of my own.
Have a wonderful weekend.
However, may I suggest some sensitivity training?
No.
Taking it isn't the issue. You asked if you could suggest something - that's a yes or no question. I said no. I like myself just fine the way I am. Besides, more sensitivity is the last thing your post is in more need of. Go back and read it. You are so overly sensitive to everything your H does for his family - somehow relating it to all the things he doesn't do for you (when they're not remotely related) - that you've wrapped yourself in a victim suit. You've posted about this kind of thing in similar context over and over - same story, different details - your H doesn't come through, your MIL ignores you or doesn't take you seriously, and somehow instead of standing up for yourself - you cry 'poor me' and decide it's all your fault.
You want me to be more sensitive - no thanks - I have no interest in hand holding in this scenario.