Sex & Romance
roxy00la
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
newly weds living with In laws....thoughts?
My fiance and I are getting married next July... As of now neither of us have solid jobs. We both work full time but they are not?"career moves". Obviously we are hoping that changes between now and then. But if it does not...My fiance strongly feels that we should live with his parents until we can stand on our own feet comfortably. I personally think its a bad idea. But he is thinking logically and financially. And i get where he is coming from... but we are Newlyweds! And I love his parents and I would like to keep it that way. Living with them would be to invasive.... We can afford an apartment... we would have to slim down on other costs... but isn't that part of the adventure?
?
Yay or Nay?!?
Re: newly weds living with In laws....thoughts?
BAD, bad, bad bad idea.....
If you're old enough to be married, you're old enough to live on your own. Grown up, married adults don't live with parents (barring some accidental catastrophe, of course.)
It sounds like you can afford to live on your own, but it'll be tight. That's ok, because the small negative of tight finances FAR outweighs the lack of privacy and a whole host of other issues you'll encounter living with parents.
Put a time frame on it, say January. Work hard to get into better paying jobs for you both, but if you're not at that point in January, discuss some options. These could include postponing until you're more financially stable.
I see you are new to the Nest. If you want any idea of how living with in-laws can ruin a marriage, look no further than the Family Matters and Trouble in Paradise boards.
~ The Nestie formally known as MrsBrittany ~
Kristi and Kerry June 21,2008
I promise you that eating Ramen noodles in your own tiny apartment will bring you far more joy than playing house under your inlaws' roof.
Don't do it.
Every couple I have seen do it ends up divorced.
Find the cheapest habitable apartment that you can afford with no problem and move into it.
And a plus: finding one that is not within heartburn distance of the ILS.
this. 100%
"A women who can kneel before the Lord can stand up to anything"
This.
Even in our early 30s, I find that staying under the same roof as my parents or my in-laws can bring up petty family issues, and cause me and my husband to revert to immature behavior which is taxing on not only our relationship with our parents, but our relationship with each other. I've told my H more than once that we could never live in close proximity to his parents (who live on the opposite coast from us), due solely to the way *he* acts when he spends a lot of time with them: he is easily irritated, his frustration tolerance plummets, and he stops thinking before he speaks. And I know my H would say the same about me, when my parents visit.
I have a close friend who lived with her in-laws for about a year, when they moved several years after marrying. Before, she had a strong relationship with her in-laws; now, it is strained, at best. I love my in-laws, but I would NOT love them in the next room, or even next door...
I can offer you personal experience, we did this. We did it so I could get back in school and when DH and I got married, he had a lot of terrible debt from a long time ago that we wanted to get paid off to start working on his credit score. We were mature enough to be marrid and thought we were making a mature decision by thinking of our finances. I loved his parents and they loved me and it didn't seem like it could hurt, I could get back into school, pay off his debt, and get in a better spot financially. We didnt.
We blew our money because we didn't have any bills, I did get back in school and we paid off one large debt before we moved out. We were there 6 months and my relationship with his parents will NEVER be the same. We still get along great, but there are things I know about them I wish I didn't, as i'm sure they feel about me. I don't reccomend it. Post a budget on here and let the ladies help you with saving, get a dirt cheap apartment and live on bare minimum for a bit. I agree, being 'broke' for a little while is part of the adventure.
Really appreciative to everyones advice! Thinking I have enough reasons to help him see it another way... We would have our own space... except for eating. But really in the long run it won't really feel that way.. I don't want to feel stuck in only 2 rooms! anyways Thanks to all who replied! Feel much better!?
Get the apartment and slash your budget.
You absolutely don't want to invade your in-laws. Right as I read your title I knew what your question was going to be. Its hard on the IL's & the marriage.
You're welcome.
We had talked about moving in with the in laws when I went back to school as the school was in the same town as they lived in and we could not afford our own place without me working. (he was my F at this point) we got into town and we stayed there the first night and it was weird, so the next day I called up a friend of mine that had a basement suite that they were not renting out yet as they were renovating the kitchen. (she had actually told me to move in with her as she thought living with the inlaws would be a bad idea). She took us in with open arms.
She even had the place ready for us, minus kitchen, before I called her, "just in case". lol.
After school was done, we moved back to where I was working and we have a bachlor suite as that is all we can afford and I would live in these cramped conditions way before I live with the IL's.