Grand Rapids Nesties
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
I feel so bad for this couple
He is actually a third cousin of mine. He and his fiance were to be getting married on the 27th of this month. I received a letter in the mail from his parents stating the wedding has been called off. I feel so bad for them. All of the hard work of planning and expectng to be getting married in just a few short weeks. I just can't imagine. We weren't going to the wedding, work schedules and other plans had already been put into place..I just keep looking at their save the date magnets and I get a heavy heart. They look so happy in the picture.
Re: I feel so bad for this couple
Wow, five days! That's crazy. I really think if I were a month or less out from the wedding, I would just go through with it and file for divorce soon after.
I guess it's sort of disingenuous, but you're going to lose all deposits and such anyway. What is the real benefit to calling off the wedding so close?
I know three people who have called off weddings, although not as close as either of these. As LVila said, hopefully your cousin will find peace soon.
What?! I'm surprised by this from you. There's no way I would stand up and promise to love someone forever, knowing it wasn't going to work, and mentally trying to remember which distant relative might be a good divorce attorney.
Brenda, I'm sorry for this couple. Broken engagements are so hard.
And to add to this, wouldn't it be a lot less of a headache to make some cancellation calls rather than having to go through the process of a divorce? I would think that would be cruel to do to the person you are marrying. I would want to make this as painless as possible for all parties involved.
Bren - While so sad that a promising relationship went sour, it sounds like it was for the best since it was a mutual decision. Hopefully, they can each move forward and find the right person to be with.
I think calling off a wedding so close to the actual date is extremely painful, especially for the "jilted" person, as well as adding the embarrassment of having to notify all of the guests, who may have made nonrefundable travel plans. Getting a divorce within the first year could possibly be a simpler, cheaper and less public affair.
I guess if I knew without a shadow of a doubt that it wasn't going to work, then perhaps I would cancel, but for me that list is very small (like another girl is pregnant with his kid or he's a pedophile or other type of criminal).
Calling off a wedding several months before the date and before invitations have been sent is another matter.
With all due respect, I'm horrified by this response. Committing yourself to another person in marriage for the rest of your lives is not something to be taken lightly. Yes, break-ups are painful, but that doesn't mean you just go with what's simplest or cheapest to fix things. Suggesting that someone knowingly fake their wedding vows to save a little money or avoid public scrutiny cheapens the institution of marriage. It makes a mockery of weddings. Those vows mean something. Not to mention, if I were one of those guests who traveled to a wedding and then later found out the couple faked the wedding to save a few bucks, I'd write them out of my life for lying to me in such an appalling, public fashion.
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Bren, I'm really sorry to hear about your cousin. Hopefully they both can take positive steps forward in the healing process as they begin life apart.
Bren, sorry for your cousin, but I'm sure it's for the best. I'm sure that was an extremely difficult thing for them to do, so I commend them for being so brave.
Kinda off the subject but, my mom went through with a wedding because she was pregnant and her parents were forcing her to. She was 21 and our family is very Catholic. She told me she cried in the back room before walking down the aisle, and she would have given anything to call off the wedding beforehand.
She ended up miscarrying and getting an annulment 3 months later, and I don't think she's ever 100% forgiven her parents.
I can see both sides of this. I haven't told many people this, but B and I were having some serious issues right before our wedding. We had just moved in together, just moved to Grand Rapids together, just started new jobs, and there was some serious unhappiness and concerns about whether we wanted the same things in life and if we wanted different things -- could we be ever happy together? I told him flat out that once we sent out the invitations, we're going through with the wedding no matter what, and we could reevaluate afterwards. So if any big decisions had to be made, it must be before the invitations were mailed. So, I can understand what Diana's saying, because in reality, I had similar thoughts before my wedding. Thankfully, things started improving quickly and by the time the wedding came around we were totally fine, and I haven't doubted anything for a second since then. For us, it was just a very rough patch and we haven't experienced anything like that since. It was just shitty timing.
On the other side of the coin, my SIL went through with a wedding that she says she knew at the time was a mistake. She filed for divorce six months later. And in seeing what her and her exH went through, I have thought that it would have made way more sense to cancel the wedding. I've wondered how she could go through with it, knowing that it wasn't going to work.
Bren, I'm sorry to hear about your cousin. That must be very difficult for them and their families.
Kasa, thanks for sharing your personal side of the coin. That must have been horrible to go through.
Bren, I thought I would share this to help you. I was engaged pre-Jim, and we called it off. At that time, I was so devastated I hardly had energy to brush my teeth. Now, I'm so glad we didn't get married. I hope they both find that peace and clarity soon.
With all due respect, this statement is absolutely not correct. As the sister of a man who had a divorce within a few months of marrying his wife, I can tell you it was a very difficult thing for all involved. Also, my brother had a lot of guilt because he couldn't make his marriage last a full year and then he had a lot of people saying things like "well, if you had just got through that first year, things might have gotten better".
I have a huge amount of respect for anyone who calls off the wedding, instead of putting family and friends through a whole wedding, knowing your marriage is not going to last.