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DOTD - Monday edition
"What three things are essential to know about someone before you agree to go out on a date with him?"
1. Is he single - including in the eyes of the law? (does his wife also agree that they are separated? - bc srsly, in the course of 10 years as a single mom, I had TWO (you'd think I'd learn) guys tell me they were separated/getting divorced but it turns out it was by a zip code -- ie, no papers to prove it. You KNOW I made John prove it, when I met him!)
2. Does he have a sense of humor? Esp about himself? Deal breaker if you can't laugh....
3. Does he like olives? (that one's the joke -- John does not like olives. If I had known that when I brought him home from the bar... who knows if it would have lasted... he would say the same thing about me and Bloody Marys.)
"What is a week-end?"
Re: DOTD - Monday edition
Just one thing: Will he tell my husband.
ditto diana that it has been a long time since i've been on a first date and it was usually the same criteria initially - not a jerk/flake and chemistry between us.
in a partner:
not a d-bag, sense of humor, and open-minded (ie. someone who is homophobic and/or very conservative wouldn't work out in the long term with me)
1. Must be driven, have life goals, etc. Not a loser living in his parents' basement.
2. Must be mentally stable, no major issues, generally a happy and well-balanced person.
3. Someone kind and honest.
If I could add a fourth:
4. Loves animals.
I also haven't been on a first date in almost 10 years...but, back then the first was my mama's advice (and her mama's): Could you imagine yourself marrying this guy?
And like Pam, does sense of humor exist? I once was interested in a guy that was extremely super fine in appearance but was completely deadpan in personality.
Does he like to travel?...would be my third.
And because I'm slow or missed the original post - what was DOTD stand for?
This is tough because I never really dated . . . I always went from having a crush on a guy to being in a relationship with them. You know?
But.
TTC #2: BFP 12/17/11, m/c 1/7/12 and D&C 1/12/12
baby blog/cooking blog
1. Sense of humor?
2. Not a douchebag (i.e. frosted tips, juiced, spray tan, aka 80% of the guys I grew up with)
3. Loves dogs
We make the rockin' world go 'round.
Y'all have mentioned some good criteria above.
1. Could I enjoy this person's company for a meal? Could we agree on food?
2. Would I enjoy this person's company in a casual setting - like watching TV? Could we agree on something to watch?
3. Is this person someone I am attracted to? Spark? But I usually thought in more carnal terms.
Discussion of the day -- these questions are based on the "Happy Hour Box of Questions" I got for my birthday (thanks again, dmuppet!) so I'm posting one a day (helps liven up the board, too -- everyone wins!)
"What is a week-end?"
It's been a while for me too. But I would say that back in the day, these were the things I wanted to know before a first date:
1. Is he decent looking and is he 5'8" or taller?
2. Does he have an education and a good job?
3. Is he not awkward and can we have a decent conversation over dinner?
I agree with Kendra's list but he would have to be over 5'11"
1. Does he have a sense of humor? Does this sense of humor include the ability to laugh at himself? Because otherwise, my family would rip them to shreds. Making fun of ourselves and each other is our major form of communication.
2. Is he mentally stable? Does he have a good relationship with his family? Born of a longtime boyfriend I had who did not meet this criteria, and it was a disaster. The lack of mental stability initially presented itself as fun and adventurous, and by the time I realized it was anything but, I was too far gone and too young to figure out how to extricate myself, so the drama-filled relationship dragged on for far too long. I knew I didn't want to go through that again.
3. What are his politics? If he's super conservative, that's not going to work. I wouldn't be up for a James Carville - Mary Matalin thing.
My list would have been:
1. Doesn't smoke
2. Does he have his own interests and hobbies?
3. Is there chemistry between us?
1. Is he a smoker? (if the answer was yes, than he was automatically eliminated from any dating potential)
2. Is he dating with the ultimate goal of finding his spouse, or just wanting a fling here and there? (the latter was a no-no for me)
3. Does he treat me with kindness and respect?
Planning Bio
Thinking back to my single years and just purely dating-wise my three questions would be --
Does he smoke?
Is he gainfully employed?
Is he cute?
No to any of those and you wouldn't have gotten a first date with me. Those are the things I scanned online profiles for back in the day.
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1. Sense of humor
2. Gainfully employed
3. Looking for a relationship vs. a fling
Your #3 - and others who posted similarly -- I don't count this bc one assumes you're already looking at him and can make these "judgements" (cute, height, weight, hair color, etc....) you don't need to ask those questions, ya know?
"What is a week-end?"
Thinking about my single days, I would say my answer would be:
1. Attractiveness - do I find this person attractive?
2. Interests - do we have enough in common that conversation will come easily and are we enough different that we can have some friendly debates?
3. Commitment - are they looking for a relationship or just someone casual to hang with?
Oh, well then, that frees me up for another one!
I have to agree with pp about being driven/having goals/etc. Regardless of what they want to be doing (blue collar, white collar, I don't care), I wanted someone who was motivated. I loved the fact that when DH and I started dating, he was training for a marathon - he was 26 at the time so he wanted to run 26 miles . . . and he totally did it. Oh God, he's almost 36 now! We are OLD.
TTC #2: BFP 12/17/11, m/c 1/7/12 and D&C 1/12/12
baby blog/cooking blog
1. Is he smart, well educated, or at least hold up his end of a conversation with me?
2. Does he enjoy being active and social with others?
3. Is he from Florida State, or Arizona State? If so he's outta here!
I'm confused, you were looking to date only smokers?
I was on JDate and Match.com for about 18 months before I met DH, so I had a lot of bad dates. These were some of my criteria:
1. Must like animals, particularly my dog.
2. Good sense of humor/doesn't embarrass easily.
3. Likes to travel (and by travel, I do not mean sit on the beach or in a hotel room all day).
4. Ambitious, but not completely career-driven or a snob (a balance between the guy who in the first ten minutes of meeting people would manage to work the fact that he had an MBA from Oxford into the conversation and the professional waiter I've previously dated).
5. Accepts the facts that I'm a vegetarian, Jewish (but Reform), and grew up in a trailer park. It's amazing how quickly these three things became issues.
Baby248 - ETA 1/10/13
FTW!!!!! ha ha ha ha
1)back in 2001, when i went on my last first date (!) DH told me he was an intern. My face must have fallen pretty quickly, b/c this was quickly followed by, no i mean i have a job, i get paid, it is just a title since i not fully licensed yet etc etc.
so having a job, set career goals, some clue on what you wanted to do was truly important to me. i could handle not having your dream job but some sort of drive was a must.
2) were we from the same "status." i went on a few first dates (i honestly don't even remember them fully) with folks who came from a much much higher level of living than me, to the point where it was uncomfortable. I mean sure it would have been nice to marry into a boat load of cash (oh heck, a boat) but these guys seemed really fixated on "status," that has no appeal to me. DH and i hit it off b/ we were from the midwest and middle class all the way! ha.
3) does he like to have fun. at that stage in my life, if you could not hang out and drink or dance with my other group of friends, i really had no use for you. i am a loud, outgoing person so someone who liked to sit and home and read only was just not going to work.
No, just non-smokers, I must have flipped the question around in translation from my thinking to my typing.
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