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Update... warning: long
so Lance and I talked to his parents yesterday afternoon when we went over to their house and it went badly at the very least. I let Lance do the talking and they just sat there and didn't say anything. His Dad started to get upset so Lance started crying (he's a really emotional guy) and I didn't know what to say. He told them that the reason he wants to move is because of the time he spends with the cows and they didn't believe him. A short time later his brother showed up and the conversation ended.
The next morning Lance took Wyatt so I could keep sleeping and while I was asleep his parents tried to get the real reason we want to move out of him. He told them the same story, so his parents came up with all sorts of options with the cows to try to keep him here. When I woke up I expected to keep talking about it but nothing happened, and it wasn't until later that he told me what all went on that morning.
I was livid to say the very least, so while Lance was out with the cows I called his Mom and told her all of the reasons that I want to move. She asked me why Lance had given them a different story and I told her it was so that they wouldn't think less of me. She told me I was 'looking a gift horse in the mouth' and that I was being ungrateful. Then she told me 'I'm just afraid that you guys are going to move, and in 5 years or so you're going to leave him, we will have sold the farm and Lance will have lost everything'. I told her that I was really hurt she would think that way of me... and then that was the end of the conversation.
She called again later and talked to Lance who once again got really upset... and then we talked it out, and came to the same conclusion, that we want to move. SO we had an anniversary party to go to, so on the way we scoped out the listing I posted a couple days ago. The house and the property would be perfect if the listing wasn't completely misleading about how far out of town it is. The listing said 25 minutes, and even with Lance driving 120 km/hr it took us almost 40 minutes to get to town.
After the party on our way home we checked out another house with only 10 acres, which for me is more than enough but not so much for Lance. So we were not impressed and went home discouraged. There is nothing else with more property on the market in our price range. So today Lori called me again and told me that they are willing to 1. sell all of their cows 2. give us a price for the home quarter (140 acres), which is enough to keep Lance's cows, and eventually let us rent the rest of the land. That way the house would be 'mine' and Lance could keep his cows.
I'm not sure what to think of this. I seriously doubt that their attitude will change just because the house is in our name... PLUS I checked out properties similar to ours and they are listed (reduced) to upwards of 850,000.... which is way more than double our price range. Lance makes pretty good money, but no where near enough to get a mortgage that high. It's a good deal in theory, but not in practice.
So now I'm torn between giving in again because they are trying to make it work for Lance's sake, and because there is nothing on the market for us right now; and not giving up because I've been here before and I know things won't really change.
Re: Update... warning: long
First of all, I can't believe Lance's mom basically said that she thinks you are going to leave him! WTH!!! I am glad to hear that Lance is starting to get on board with being on the same page as you.
If I remember correctly, you guys "took over" the farm from Lance's parents? Does his Dad still help him on the farm at all? Do you guys have your own cows, plus Lance looks after cows that belong to his parents? I'm just not sure what the whole situation is. Do his parents essentially pay him a salary? If you guys move off the farm and sell the cows, what will Lance do for work?
I ask because I have friends whose parents have a pig farm and they work on the farm and own a "portion" or it and the plan is for them to eventually take over, so I know a little about their situation and could possibly shed some light for you.
I really feel for you, you are in a tough situation. Finding land in the country that is not "family land" is ridiculously expensive around here. Hopefully you and Lance can keep working together to figure out something at works for your family. Hang in there!
Thanks Lindsay. Back around the time we got engaged I moved onto the farm when the plan was for his parents to move out completely so we could try our hand at farming. We started paying rent, bought some calves and also raised his parent's cows as another way of paying more rent. The plan back then was that we would rent to own the farm.
Unfortunately, they didn't keep their end of the deal and their stuff (although slowly leaving) is still here. Lance works in the oilfield as a full time job, so the cows aren't our only income... to be honest the cows are losing us money.
I agree with Lindsay. You tried to make it work, now it is time to try a different way.
I don't understand why his parents are so anti letting you make it on your own and make your own decisions. Are they just controlling people?
Regardless, I agree with PP. If you both feel it's time to do something different for your family, then you should. You are married adults and do not need his parents' permission to make choices in your life.
I agree as well. Sorry you are going through this, family "businesses" can be very tough.