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Rambling Vent (Long. Sorry.)
Apology in advance for the length... if you're bored, read on. :-)
kay - so, as most of you know, I have been working/living out of town for the past 5 months or so. During that time I have been living in an apartment with a girl I work with - she's neat/tidy, nice, and really pretty easy to get along with. I honestly have no problem with her (sometimes I get a little annoyed with her but that's just random, silly things).
Anyway - we are working on a construction site with construction workers who don't require hard background checks to get a job here. I don't really care what drugs these guys did in the past or how many years they spent in jail for a felony (not joke, 85% of them fall into one or both of these categories). We all have a working relationship and I keep it all at work. These are guys that don't work for me - but I give them directions, answer questions, and if something goes wrong they have to answer to me. They are our sub contractors (we are the clients contractor). Confused yet? :-)
The roommate has started seeing on of the construction guys outside of work. He seems like a nice guy (they all do...I mean they aren't the crazy felons that are in jail biting people or shanking people). Anyway - I figure if she wants to go on dates with him or spend time with him at his apartment, no big deal, that's her life and I'm in no position to tell her what to do. (FWIW - she was going to go on a first date with this man only knowing his first name...which turned out to be a NICKNAME and not knowing where he was from...I did step in and tell her that not only she, but I, needed to know his full name just in case.) She keeps asking if I want to come hang out - I keep making up excuses like "I need to study for the PE" or "I'm tired, I'm going to bed." (both of which are usually true...)
Last night at 7:30pm she asked if they could come over. I said that it was fine with me. After they got there, I kind of regretted it a little... those two guys typically like to drink a lot and honestly I don't know a whole lot about them. I am impressed that I know their last names. All I could think about was how my husband probably thinks I'm off my rocker for inviting two men into my apartment with just my roommate and I there. The roommate doesn't want people at work to know she's seeing this guy - so no one was going to know those guys were at our place last night except for the 4 of us and my husband. Even if I had told my husband their names, I doubt he'd remember them. Everything was fine and I am probably just super paranoid - but as the night got later (10pm...and there wasn't a lot of sign of them being ready to leave) I just kept getting more skeptical and paranoid.
Go ahead - confirm that I'm crazy and I shouldn't worry about these things... or am I not crazy and I should think about these things? (I am impressed you made it this far...)
Re: Rambling Vent (Long. Sorry.)
I'm impressed you let them come over - I would never have done that! You truly don't know these people, I think it is appropriate to be cautious.
I don't think you are paranoid.
I'm surprised you let them come over as well, but I probably would have done the same thing and just emailed H and my mom there names which I've done before when I had had to do a assignment with these really skeevy classmate. You can never be too careful IMO. Or maybe I just need to watch less Dateline.
So I don't think you are crazy at all. Part of me really feels like we are conditioned to be paranoid about these things these days with all the shows about women who end up murdered. If I was old enough 30 years ago- I doubt I would have batted an eye.
I personally would be less bothered by the drugs/felony thing (unless it was a sex offense) than I would with the idea that these are people in a somewhat subordinate position in your house late at night and on a worknight. I don't think it is right that your roommate put you in that situation.
Does your DH visit you there and stay with you? If not, I would discuss some ground rules like no male guests period or no male guests after 9:00 p.m. But for me, it would be more about being professional and what is acceptable work-travel behavior than these particular guys' background. I don't care if the guys are Harvard grads with trust funds. You need rules when you're forced to live with co-workers.
I understand your hesitancy-I would be the same way. I think it's the toughest part about roommates... especially if they had pulled a late, loud night and you wanted to go to bed. Did she say anything about it today?
All good points, ladies and I appreciate them. I am glad to know that my uneasiness isn't unfounded.
She hasn't brought it up this morning and fortunately we are only here for another ~2 weeks (most of which I will be at home on vacation/handling things in the home office). I am not going to let it happen again. If she wants to have them over again, I am just going to leave. I honestly don't think she felt like the situation we were in could have gone south in anyway. I am actually kind of shocked that my husband didn't mention anything about it being out of line.
Thankfully, last night while the guys were over I emailed our project manager (who also lives in the apartment complex) and told him that the guys were over at our apartment. He was glad I let him know and gave me an earful this morning about how unsafe it was. After he finished, I thanked him and told him I deserved it for making such a ridiculous decision.
That's definitely not happening again...
m/c 7/17/10
Dx: MFI- 3% morph
IUIs: Gonal-F + Ovidrel + b2b IUI= BFNs
IVF with ICSI= BFP! EDD 11/25/11
3/18- Beta #1 452! 3/20- Beta #2 1,026!! 3/27- First u/s- TWINS!
Our twin boys arrived at 36w5d due to IUGR and a growth discordance
Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.