Sex & Romance
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Anal Sex
We are going to try anal sex and I'm not sure how to prepare for it. I know I will have to relax and be ready, but will I need to do anything else? I'm worried it will be messy, what is it like?
Re: Anal Sex
Most of it, to be honest, is going to have to be him at least the first time. So long as you're clean down there, you should pretty well be all set. It will be best for you if he takes his time. A LOT of time. It's a very bad idea to just shove it in there, though that's what most guys do...then they wonder when their S/Os want nothing to do with it anymore. He's got to use his fingers first, and TONS of lube, to make sure you're ready. If he's patient, it'll start to feel really good after awhile, and you might find you're pushing back against his fingers. If that point comes, then you're ready to actually try it. Again, he should have the patience to not just stick it in there. If there's enough lube, it might actually be hard for him to get going at first. Odds are good you'll feel at least uncomfortable once he's in, or maybe almost like you have to poop, but that's all normal. Make sure he takes his time. Try not to clench down around him, as hard as that is. Just relax and let it happen. It might be a bit painful, but it's up to you to decide whether you can deal with it until the pleasurable part comes. For me, it's ALWAYS a bit painful at first, but usually I can get over that and get to the absolutely massive orgasms I know are coming.
Good luck! I hope you enjoy yourself!
Good. Do your best to maintain cleanliness... as in he doesn't use the same hand to go back-door and then touch anything else... and if he is going "in", he needs to wear a raincoat. No switching back and forth between V and A with the same condom. If back-door doesn't work out for yall, take the time to stop and put a new condom on before going back to regular sex. You will spare yourself a UTI. And if he whines, there are a myriad of responses you could probably use to explain why you don't want back-door bacteria in your V.
Also, a little liquid courage never hurt, if that's your thing.
If you think that maybe you can get over the inhibitions you have against it, occasionally, if in the right mood, then maybe you and your H could give it a go. Have a conversation about it beforehand (not RIGHT before, but at a non-sexual, non-threatening time), so you can discuss what is OK/not OK, and so you can get on the same page with respect to what you need to do to make this comfortable and OK.
You don't have to get super technical about it, since that is a big turn off for lots of guys, but just say that you are considering maybe testing the waters. Tell him that if he is patient and takes it slow and easy, then you'd be willing to occasionally try it. Explain the importance of cleanliness, lube, condoms, etc.
And if you're worried about prolapses, then you will need to work on relaxing. I think tightening up and thinking about horror stories while it's happening will make it WAY worse. There is no way you could even begin to consider enjoying yourself that way. Obviously some people do it without this happening, so just pay attention to the area and talk to your doctor if you think something is wrong. Obviously if you start to notice weird stuff happening there, stop doing it. Listen to your body!:)
Interesting topic,.....
As a man I have always been a touch horrified by the idea of using a womans alimentary canal as a sex organ. Needless to say anal sex is the concentrated opposite of the things I like and value about sex with a woman and have not only never attempted it but also never wanted to.
That said, I like to think that I would want to satisfy a woman partner who did want to try/enjoy it.
What I have trouble sorting out in my own mind is what exactly does a woman get out of it?........the anus is far from the clitoris and, as far as I'm aware, has no pleasure centres to supply any voluptus or exciting sensation,....so, HOW exactly does anal sex supply "massive orgasms"...? Or, is it just the idea of something 'dirty' and debasing that allows a feeling of release and pleasure?.......
Anatomically speaking, I'm pretty sure there are a lot of nerve endings in that area for women, as for men. The key difference is that for men, the prostate is close and can be stimulated.
I see that twit oldbugle is back.
We tried several times before it worked for us, well before it worked for me
After trying a lot of positions I have found that spooning works best for me in terms of comfort and it helps a TON if I touch myself while he goes in. I can't stress enough how much this has helped me and the spooning position makes it very easy for me to do this. Also alcohol helps a lot! Helps with the relaxation and also with geting past the squickiness of what is going on - lol. I personally am not into fingering first - we never have and the idea of his fingers smelling like my asss makes me super squicky. As has been mentioned go slow. It is a VERY different sensation and it can be overwhelming if he doesn't take his time and allow you to dictate the rate of progress.
So in short here is my advice - booze, lube, spoon, masturbate, go slow. lol
Good luck! Don't put pressure on yourself to make it happen the first time you try for it. That will only make it more difficult.
ETA - it has never made me poop but be prepared that it will make you feel like that is going to happen. When we first tried I told my husband "yo buddy you know what that hole is for so if you are gonna be all freaked out and never want to have sex again if something unpleasant happens we ain't doing this". I'm such a romantic huh?
Anyway he assured me he wasn't worried and we have never had an issue with anything like that.
Oh geez. Dude you know there is porn on the interwebz these days right? MUCH easier way to get your jollies.....
i've been around that corner many times.....some women love anal sex....and i mean love it....and the others....not so much.....I like your open mindness on the subject....be patient...a lot of lube...relax.....try and make it fun....not like a job....
good luck
Burg
I'm a little embarrassed to say, but I use butt plug from time to time. Yes, I'm a guy. But, I hope I can help. I enjoy anal play and like the feel of my "Anal Pacifier" (the brand name of my favorite toy) in there.
It took me a while to get used to being able to relax. You'll find that relaxing is the key to enjoyment. Did I forget to mention that you need to relax? Seriously, not clinching is key too. I read once that practicing on yourself helps you learn how to relax. The next time you are in the shower, try SLOWLY inserting your very soapy little finger in your anal opening. Hike up your leg or sit down and get comfortable. I find that its easiest to hike up a leg on something. Just be sure to be your balance. Take it slow and wiggle your finger a little and gently push it in. You will find it goes in pretty easily if you relax your anus. There are going to be two sphincters that you will need to get past. The first one is your obvious anal opening. The second, is about 1/2" to 3/4" inside or past that one. Slowly work your finger in and keep it there. You can feel your muscles gripping your finger. Try to see if you can relax your anal muscles that are around your finger. Once you master relaxing those muscles, and you will know when you do it correctly because it will feel a lot better, you can try inserting a bigger finger or maybe adding one. Go slow.
Once you have mastered the anal muscles, anal sex will be more enjoyable. Relaxation is the key. Once your ready to try it with your Hubby, find a position that allows you to feel the most relaxed. It could be laying with a stack of pillows under your tummy so your ass is in the air. Or, you on your back, with your legs pushed up around your head giving him complete access to your bottom. Try bending over a sturdy table or doggy style. What ever it takes to get relaxed and don't forget what you learned in the shower either.
I won't lie. This guy is pretty smart. All those tricks are great for getting used to starting anal for the first time.
Also of note, and somewhat off the subject, there's no reason for ANY guy to be embarrassed if he likes the occasional finger in the back door. Inasmuch as it can cause ladies massive orgasms, it does the same thing for men. Most men would never admit it if they enjoyed any sort of anal play at all (where it regards himself) for the simple fact that they're somehow afraid that if they like their butt touched that means they MUST be gay.
Fact of the matter is, prostate massage is almost guaranteed to blow a guy's socks off. I do it for my DH all the time, and he absolutely LOVES it. I can tell that it makes his orgasms far more intense than they usually are. The only disadvantage is that I have REALLY small hands, thus small fingers, so it's hard for me to actually get in there, sometimes causing cramping in my hand. You don't want to go in and out with this, if you ever decide to get up the nerve to try it; that's not the point at all. Rather, you insert a finger or two and find the prostate, then rub it back and forth.
Hell. If you want to do the most AMAZING thing ever for your man, give him a BJ and a prostate massage at the same time. He'll go absolutely WILD!
And no, for the record, DH isn't bisexual or anything silly like that (not to say that bi's are, but it's silly to assume that a guy who likes the occasional finger in the bum must want a penis in it too).
Enjoying receiving pleasure, imo, isn't gay at all, gentlemen, so get over your inhibitions and let your ladyfriend go there once in a while!
Hey Americanleanings, its not that I think enjoying a BP is gay, far from it. It's just that I am a little embarrassed about it is all.
I'd like to add to your post on the bj and prostate combo. I use a small vibrating prostate massager from time to time. When I use it while I JO, my orgasms are very different and more enjoyable.
Back to the original thread, one thing I forgot to add, and someone else also mentioned it, is use lots of lube. They sell lots of lubes, KY is fine. I got a really nice lube at an adult toy store (Adam and Eve) called an Anal Personal Lubricant. Then name on the bottle is "JO". It stands for "Jack Off" Its a really nice water based lube. They also sell it in as silicone based. I wouldn't advise using this as you will need to clean up good as it is made from silicone. I must add, if you ever go into an adult toy store, don't be shy. Ask questions, lots of questions if you have them. When I was there, the young girl that waited on me, walked around the store with me and pointed out various things that I would not have expected from her. I'd say she was probably 20 yrs old. She would say, "oh, those are nice c** rings" or "these are nice Jack Off aides, have you ever used one before?" The interesting thing was that she had only worked there for a couple of weeks and when she first started, she would have never said the things she said to me. I found it refreshing and it helped get me over being shy about my questions. My point is, the folks that work at these places, hear and see it all, so you are not going to ask them something that will offend them. If you have questions about a particular toy, ask them.
One thing that might also help, is purchasing a small butt plug called a trainer. Get one that is soft and somewhat pliable not a hard stiff one. Purchase two sizes if you want. Get the "trainer" then get one that is larger. It will help you know what its going to feel like. One thing to think about, get one that is a as big around as your hubby's erect penis. If you can take a butt plug that about as big as he is, then you can take his erect penis too.
When I get out my anal toys, I start with a smaller one to get stretched a bit. Then I will remove it and insert my anal pacifier. Do a yahoo/google search for "Love Anal Pacifier Butt Plug" and you will find it. It's my favorite and feels good enough to leave in while you walk around. It will help you get uised to the feeling of anal play.
i've said enough, I can get long winded but I do think you should visit your local adult toy store and purchase a good lube and two butt plugs as trainers. One small and one larger. Tell the clerk you are interested and training for anal sex and they will be very helpful. Don't be shy about it either. They are there to help.
Oh, I didn't meant to imply YOU thought it was, more just a trend I noticed in general. It suit the conversation, so I went with it. I should've specified that I was talking to ALL men, and not just you! lol
I knew what you meant.
No need to explain.