June 2008 Weddings
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Why Are Women So Mean To Each Other? (rambling)
I read the c-section post and see so many women who feel like they are judged because they had a c-section.
I hope to have a non-medicated birth and I feel judged for that.
And then there's the whole getting pregnant thing in the first place. We judge those who have babies early. We judge those who have babies later in life.
We judge those who have difficulty getting pregnant. And then we judge those that have a lot of children.
I'm no better than the next person and am guilty of a number of these things. But it does make me question our society where we have such strong opinions on other people's reproductive decisions/actions.
Did I mention I'm hormonal? 
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Re: Why Are Women So Mean To Each Other? (rambling)
We just had this exact same conversation in my Young Mom's group last night. Obviously, the feel judged A LOT. We ulimtately decided that people judge others because it makes them feel better about themselves and because they feel uncomfortable. All stupid reasons to judge but we do it. :-(
I've finally thrown up my arms and declared, "I don't give a rat's ass what othere think of my decisions when it comes to raising or birthing MY child" Especially since I've been getting LOTS of comments on breastfeeding Neena until she's 8 and other stupid stuff like that. LAME.
When it comes down to it, we're all moms and we are all doing what we think is best for our children and our families! :-)
Neena Mae. 1/7/10
"A baby nursing at a mother's breast is an undeniable affirmation of our rootedness in nature." - David Suzuki
I was thinking about this in the shower this morning. I had mentioned to my previous doctor on numerous occasions my desire for an unmedicated birth, but that it also scared me. Her response was essentially 'the epidural won't hurt you or the baby so don't stress about it'. Looking back now, I'm glad that she's not my doctor. I'm still not sure what I'm going to do, as I am still scared of the thought of an unmedicated birth, while also aware there are some factors beyond my control. That, and I'm not sure if DH is up to the task
- I'd really like to take Bradley classes but he needs to be on board first.
Anyway, all of this rambling to say I totally agree that our society is insane! One of my friends was threatened of being removed from her grandmother's will for having a second child while her husband was unemployed. Seriously!? Because the fact he stay at home with the kids is totally worthless....just as it is totally worthless when a mom does it?!
It it just so sick.
And I am SO glad that our board is a place where people feel comfortable talking/sharing about their experiences. It is eye opening in so many important ways. And yes, I ain't no saint either...
While I agree that we, as women and as a society, all judge too much, I disagree with the bolded reasoining. I think it goes much deeper than that. I think judging is just part of our DNA, and its even done subconsciously at times.
Why people choose to voice that judgment, however, can be for a number of reasons. Like for your reason above. Or just a general feeling of superiority.
I know I'm not a mom and I'm not pregnant and this is a little off-topic, but I feel judged a lot as someone who declares herself Republican. I'm often automatically put on the defensive, and people assume and base their opinion of me off the ideas that they hear in the media. And I think we all know the media in general does not play fair to Republicans. I find it super-ironic, considering Republicans and especially conservatives are often called judgmental and barbaric, yet one little statement out of my mouth yields explosive amounts of judgment and verbal cruelty. Hmm...
I used to be very judgmental about these things, partly because of my own insecurities and partly because of pure ignorance. I'd like to think I'm a lot less judgy now, but there are still some things I get hung up on. I just try not to vocalize them anymore.
I noticed my mother is extremly judgmental, so maybe I got it partly from her as well. She also gets really defensive on the childbirth aspect. I was talking to her about my want to get informed and try all I can to have a natural birth this time, and to avoid a c-section unless it is necessary for health reasons. She got really defensive about her own c-sections and it was a little odd to me. She was completely on board with cloth diapering, but a doula or the possibility of wanting to BF this time, made her really judgy towards me. All I can think of is it's one's own insecurities that cause one to be openly judgmental toward someone else.
This is funny to me because I get judged a lot for being liberal by my friends and family. Quite honestly, Jake and I are the only liberals on his side of the family and within one of our larger circle of friends. Just goes to show that judging is done by all. I judge. I'll fully admit that. Like you said, sometimes I find myself doing it without even realizing it. I don't know if it's part of our DNA our not--that would be interesting to find out! I do agree with Jill in that part of it could be the way you were raised, but I still think one of the biggest reasons people judge is to make themselves feel better about their decisions and to feel superior. Obviously, I have nothing to back up my statement, so there's not a ton of validity with that. HA!
Neena Mae. 1/7/10
"A baby nursing at a mother's breast is an undeniable affirmation of our rootedness in nature." - David Suzuki
For me, I think a lot of it has to do with my, "my way or the highway" approach to things, so therefore I tend to judge those who don't do things my way. Doesn't mean I don't give them a fair chance or that I can't be friends with them ... just that's when I find myself judging the most.
I agree with Jennrs, that I judge others in my own defense, make myself feel better.
For example (and this is only an example!), I may judge Jennrs breastfeeding tactics and be one of those people who makes a snarky comment about Neena BF until she's 8 because I'm defending my position not to have BF'd, making myself feel better about that decision because I know/think/believe in Jennrs eyes her opinion of my decision is all judgy mcjudgerson itself. A very backwards approach to do onto others as they do to you. . . . .
FWIW, I am thankful that I've never felt the judging that some c/s momma's have felt. I was always okay with that move, and if anything the women in my life are more, "OMG! You had to have a c/s!" than, "Oh ... you didn't have to do the hard part".
I know I judge.
And I know I feel judged, weight being the biggest thing for me, I feel like A LOT of people take one look at a heavier person and make a TON of assumptions.
It's true... so many people seem to have opinions about other people's choices and circumstances. And I definitely hear ya about planning a natural birth-- the triage nurse literally laugh/ scoffed in my face when I told her that was my plan. I wanted so badly to find her afterwards and say HEY YOU, I DID IT, SO THERE.
I think the only solution for me is to try as hard as I can to not judge other people in the hopes to stop the vicious cycle. You can only control yourself, right? Sadly, though, I don't see this ending as I agree it's ingrained in our dna or something... but this post has made me wonder if people judge similarly in collectivistic cultures as they do in individualistic cultures such as our own. Hmmm.