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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
not sure wherelse to post this
I just found out a really close friend's sister was supposedly "sexually abused" 10 years ago by her brother (she would have been 1 brother would have been 10). Why this is only coming out now I don't know. It has been reported by a counselor she saw at camp. What I am wondering is if sister is not lying (which she chronically lies to people, she can look at you in the face and lie about something), what will happen to brother? He is now 21 in the military doing something w/ his life. We are all worried something is going to happen to him but it was 11 yrs ago, what could they do, plus he was a minor?
Mommy to 3 beautiful children
Re: not sure wherelse to post this
You're all worried about what's going to happen to him? You're calling an 11 year old girl a chronic liar? Something seems weird to me if an 11 year old is a chronic liar.
I'm confused... if she was a year old, how would she know what did/didn't happened to her?
I think if she was 1 when it happened, and she's saying this all based on her own memory when she as a year old (i.e... didn't hear something from someone else), then it's probably a lie. The important thing is that no one flat out says "you're lying", but more importantly sends her to counseling so she can talk it out with them, and hopefully they (the professional) can get to the bottom of what's going on. It may be that she's seeking attention (a lot of children do around puberty time). It may be that she believes it really happened because she has seen/heard about things like that in the past. Maybe something happened later in life between her and bro that she does remember. Who knows what it is, but either way, she needs to get some counseling to get all of this figured out in her head.
ETA: What kind of "sexual abuse" does she supposedly remember? I mean, at a year old, we're still taking about diaper changes and such.
Yeah... I don't think an 11 year old will remember what happened to her when she was 1. Unless there are some other witnesses, I can't imagine that it'll be taken all that seriously. Maybe she dreamt it. Maybe she is lying. Maybe she heard a story and made it her own. Regardless, it probably isn't a dependable memory.
FET - transferred two embryos (boy and girl) - Nov 2014 - BFP!
scratching head...you need way more to go on....
a one year old recalling abuse is not the norm at all.
im interested to know how/why she remembered all of a sudden...
on the surface something isnt adding up...
a lot of kids have issues with lying for a lot of different reasons
I would be worried about her being a chronic liar.
Should anything happen, what is your state's statute of limitations? I find it very hard for someone to try this case seeing as this young girl has a history of lying. I would not necessarily agree with Kuus that there was "abuse" ... guess that would depend on how you would define abuse. She may be trying to get attention.
I can see Kuus's point of view. Abuse or not at some point the 11 year old would have had to be exposed to something sexual whether it was on TV, internet, or real life. At 11 I wouldn't have even had the vocabulary to say I was sexually abused because I wouldn't even know what that meant. Unless she doesn't know what it means and is saying it anyway. I doubt there are any memories from being 1, but there is a reason she is saying this whether it is to get attention or because something happened later with him or someone else. The counselor did the right thing so that this can be investigated. Hopefully the girl can go to therapy so they can help her either through some kind of abuse or through her other issues.
As far as the boy- I dont' know the law but I wouldn't think that any legal action would be taken against him if there was an incident when he was 10. And if he was doing something at 10 that would mean he was exposed to something as well.
Try not to worry about him. He is an adult now and can take care of himself; it is the child that needs the help.
It could be that she has been sexually abused since she could remember so she is giving it a timeline that she thinks of when she started to remember, like 1. No matter when a child is abused, it effects them a way that changes them forever.
Technically speaking, such a crime expires over time (even though it shouldn't.) If it only happened when she was 1 the authorities might not be able to prosecute him. If she claims that it happened from 1 to 5 or now, they will investigate. Before you freak out you need to know her time line.
Ditto to counseling. Cries for help and attention like this are signals that they need someone to step in and listen to them. Lying all the time is a symptom of abuse in many cases.
This is exactly what I was thinking Kuus.
That's what I'm thinking.
And I can't quite put my finger on it, but there is just something incredibly off-putting about the OP. The more I read it, the more irritated I am by it.
In my state, there is not statute of limitations...but he himself was a minor so I really don't think he'll serve jail time IF found guilty. I really don't think would go to trial. He would probably agree to some sort of counseling and being on the sex offenders list.
If the only abuse happened at 1, okay, she won't remember, but if it continued on, then she would (and it doesn't always happen just once). Perhaps she's a chronic liar because in her formative years she learned she couldn't trust anyone. I can't see blaming the victim here. Innocent until proven guilty, yes...noone should jump the gun and hate the brother...but to automatically assume she's lying...I just don't see where that is right either. You just don't know!
If this child is not lying, then the little boy (now grownup man) was possibly continuing a cycle of abuse. Maybe he told her about how he was abused and she dreamed up this story that she was abused too. If he really abused her then why does it matter that he was only 10 and a minor and why are you so upset that there might be repercussions if her story in turn is founded in truth? Doesn't he deserve some sort of punishment for abusing her?
What if he told her that someone else abused both of them and being so young she got confused and thought he meant that he abused her? If they were both abused doesnt that need to be looked in to?
Liar or not you cant just let an accusation like that go un-reported. What if it is true? How would the counselor feel if she didn't report and it was actually true.
I am a teacher in my state and I can be held legally accountable if a student were to tell me something like that and I didnt report it because she is a "liar". My career is not worth the risk. I teach 11 year olds and the fact that you say she is a "chronic liar" is disturbing