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dulcemariamar1
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Thoughts about being a Tiger Mom
What do you think about the concept of being a Tiger Mom? I just read a post on the MM board about a Mom who has their kid taking soccer, music and Mandarin lessons and the kid is only 6.
Was you mom a Tiger Mom? Will you be one? How many activities are too many for a kid?
I did a lot of things when I was younger but it was just to have fun. Maybe, my parents should have been more "Tiger Mom" about extracurricular activities. I could be winnning Olympic goal medals or dancing for the NYC ballet company today.
Re: Thoughts about being a Tiger Mom
I'm going to push some things like a Tiger Mom, I expect. It is important to me that they speak Chinese - but that is because of the industry I am and in, their Chinese nanny, their Chinese "cousins" and the fact that we could very well move back to China at some point.
I'm also going to push 1 musical instrument on each of them, 1 martial art and 1 sport.
My plan for the twins is for them to be bilingual, violin playing, ice hockey defense ninjas.
And I don't think there is anything wrong with that.
Chronically hilarious - you'll split your stitches!
I wrote a book! Bucket list CHECK!
http://notesfortheirtherapist.blogspot.co.uk
So badass.
My parents encouraged my brother and I but didn't push. We both ended up finding what was right for us - both played musical instruments, he played sports and I danced competitively and performed in plays.
I'd like to do just what my parents did, there was no pressure to do a certain thing, but once we chose that thing they made sure we made the most of it, practiced, etc.
Now jumping domestically.
Well that was a crazy couple of years.
DH and I would like James to play a musical instrument, speak a second language and play a sport. He can choose which ones, and we support hm with whichever one he chooses. I will push him try different things, but I won't make him continue something if he dislikes it. When he does find something that he enjoys then I will push him to carry on and not flake out.
My Mom was always amused at my extra activities that I did. I tried every sport that I could and I was useless at every single one. I tried choir, but I couldn't sing. Evenually I stuck with drama and interact (its like Rotary?)
I'm going to push for chinese when he's young (because of our family), and a third language in high school. DH doesn't have any preference, but I also want D to at least play one instrument, go into some sort of extracurricular activity such as chess club, debate team or drama, and play at least one sport for a full season.
My parents never really pushed me into anything. I feel because I never properly socialized within a club setting, it put hindered my ability to be in a group of people and to work within a team comfortably. I took up violin on my own in elementary school, and only quit because of an injury to my wrist.
3 activities at 6 doesn't qualify as a Tiger Mom in my book. 6 activities at 6 would, though. Bruce does gymnastics, preschool and we'll probably do Karate this fall, too. Then soccer as soon as he's old enough. I hope he'll play an instrument and have debated about whether to start him early on that or not, depends on when the school district does I suppose. We've also talked about signing him up for language classes, but that is becuase he is really verbal and I think now is the time for him to pick it up easily so why not. If we had all the money in the world I would do it in a heartbeat and not even think twice. But for us finances come into play so we can't do every activity we'd like.
Evelyn does baby gymnastics, too, and I'll probably sign us up for a parent/child music class for fall when Bruce is in school so we have something to do. I suspect she'll do some sort of dance and soccer as she gets older and if we have Bruce in language lessons by then we'll sign her up at some point, too.
Maybe I am a Tiger Mom and I never even knew it!
There is a difference between encouraging and pushing. So many kids these days are depressed or anxious because they feel like they have to do everything and everything perfectly, and some of them are lacking in social graces or creativity on their own because it's all about academics and achievement - all to get into college. What about preparing for life in the real world and being happy & competent adults (cause many of the Tiger Mom kids are great at school but suck in the real world)?
Two languages - cool, wish I did know them and I think it's great.
A musical instrument - if they like it and feel competent at it, awesome, but if it's YOUR passion and not theirs, then let them quit.
There...off my soapbox.
Hahahahahahaha!
LOVE!!!!
HAHA! Love this.
I'm not going to be a Tiger Mom, I just know I don't have it in me. My parents certainly weren't. We had to be involved in SOMETHING but it was our choice. If we signed up for a team/lessons/etc and decided we didn't like it, we had to finish out that season/school year/etc and then we could quit and choose something else. I want my kids to play an instrument or speak a second language, but I know not everyone has strengths in those things so if I see a good effort and they hate it, I won't push it. I speak 2.5 languages but my sister probably couldn't pick up another one without a gun to her head. I can't play any instruments but she plays the violin beautifully. I hated team sports and wasn't very atheletic, my sister excelled in that.
By forcing your kids to do something I suppose you can 'make' them good at it in terms of sheer volume of practice, but you can't make them love it. Seening DH play sport professionally has made me have a new perspective on the whole thing, especially since he says he wouldn't necessarily even want our child to play hockey and try to make it to the level he has, let alone higher. We see teammates of his all.the.time. who actaully HATE hockey but do it because their dad is basically going to die if they stop, and any natural talent they have is usually tempered by their lack of passion and therefore they aren't in the NHL anyway. These are 20-35 year old men living under the fear of disappointing their dads who probably are living throug hthem. Sad.
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I'm with you on this. Maybe it makes me soft, but I don't think my job in life is to make my kid feel forced into things. It just sort of seems sad. Yes I want them to be active, intelligent, etc. and there will be standards and expectations on them, but not so specific as to tell them what those standards have to be applied to, if that makes sense.
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I don't think 3 activities at 6 is being Tiger mom, I think it is encouraging interests.
Right now M speaks 2 languages and is starting to learn his 3rd. He is in swimming and will be taking Judo once kindergarten starts. We would like him to take piano lessons, and hopefully it will feed musical interest.
I think it's important for his development to try out various sports and arts in order for him to know what he likes/loves/dislikes etc...
My parents make fun of me because they say that Finn has a busier schedule than they do, and they are sort of right. He is in school 3 days a week, is doing soccer, just finished swimming, was signed up for music but I changed it to just Lila (yes, at 5 months she is starting music classes but realistically that is more for me than her, since it is with friends, and she will also be doing gymboree at 6 months probably), he has also taken art and done tumbling tots. We also do a lot of playgroups. We would like him to go to a language immersion school for either Spanish or Mandarin but we'll see, we have to decide by January.
Saying all that, if he doesn't like something, we stop. He didn't like tumbling tots, so we did one session. He hated swimming, HATED it, so we stopped - and now he is a total fish without it!
I want him to play sports as he gets older, but he can choose, with the exception of American football. I hate that sport.
We are the same with James. If he does not like something then we stop doing it. He did not like football but wanted to do drama so we changed classes. He really enjoys drama so if he suddenly stopped wanting to go I would investigate why, and if it goes on for a while and there is no reason for the wanting to stop except not liking it anymore then he can stop, but I don't want to bring him up to start something and never finish it.
My parents never pushed, but always encouraged and that worked out well for me. I chose to play sports, participate in ballet and take up a musical instrument (and then put down the musical instrument). I will not be a Tiger Mom. I do not see the value in forcing your children to participate in activities they don't like or resent you for.
DH's parents forced activities on him and he hated them for it. He has terrible childhood memories surrounding events that should have been fun and joyful. I don't want that for my kids.
So what if they don't learn how to play piano by age 6 or aren't trilingual by age 7? If they are happy and fufilled by the activities they choose, then I have made good parenting decisions.
My Israel Blog!
My mom pushed me to play an instrument despite all evidence that I was rubbish at it. Now that I think back on it though, that was really my only activity - I flat out refused to play sports or join any clubs. I had Hebrew School three times a week which I hated plus piano lessons once a week. I really wasn't a joiner!
DH and I have talked about it and he thinks it's important to encourage our kids to play sports (although we agree that they can play whatever, just something active. He's all about soccer though) plus I want to give them the opportunity to play a musical instrument (a huge portion of my family are musicians so my kid could have talent!) and if we live somewhere where it's possible, some sort of Hebrew school - we don't have a very Jewish household so I think it's more important for my kids than it was for me.
BFP Apr 2012, EDD Dec 19 2012 * twin h/b at 6wk, 9wk scan * Baby A lost at 12wks, Baby B was my rainbow born at 36wks
I see my job as a parent to encourage our children to experiment and explore new areas to find things they might love and/or excel at. I would push W to take lessons in something, whether it be sport, arts, music, languages, etc, if he wanted to - and if he was reluctant, I might push a little, to try and encourage himn to try new things. But not at three.
At three (same as at two), we go to playgroups and preschool. There is singing at play groups, and musical instruments, and various toys. I feel firmly that preschool education is all about fun. (This isn't criticism of mums who have little ones in classes - I know those are about fun too. If we had the money, W would have been in Tumble Tots or something similar - but at $10 a session, we just can't afford that - so he gets semistructured learning at preschool, and physical exercise at playgroups or in the park.)
When he's older, I expect he will want to do things, and I may try to encourage things that don't happen at school - sports (as PE is being cut), likewise trying various arts/music lessons to see if he enjoys them, but 3/4/5/6 at a time? That's too much in my mind. Childhood is about freedom, learning thru different ways, and having fun.