September 2009 Weddings
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Let's talk about sex, baby....
So, I heard on the radio that the new "thing" to do as a parent is to allow your teenagers to have sex in your home. Basically, they provide them with proper birth control, and tell them that sex is acceptable as long as it is done within their home. The idea behind it is to build trust and friendship with the teens, to allow for safe sex (since they will probably do it anyway), and to monitor their sex partners.
What are your thoughts? Pros? Cons? For the new mommies, do you think your opinion changed/will change now that you have a little one?
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Re: Let's talk about sex, baby....
I don't get it. I think that these parents are kidding themselves. If your teen is having sex at home, they're having sex elsewhere. Why do you automatically assume your teens are having sex? Giving them "okay" sets an expectation that they will. Parents are supposed to be parents first, then friends. You can provide birth control all you want, but you can't protect them from pregnancy and disease. Nothing is 100%, and unless you test all of your teen's partners...that is a moot point.
I also wonder if these parents let their teen's partners know that it's okay. If I had a daughter and as her parent chose not to give my permission for sex and her boyfriend's parents allow it. I would be furious, because if my daughter goes over to their house, I'm trusting that his parents are protecting their son and my daughter. It also raises the chance for boys to pressure girls, or girls to seduce boys.
Obviously, I am for abstinence, but on the other side of things....
How embarassing for the teens to know that their parents are in the house when they are intimate! And there's that awkward moment of, "oh, hey dad. this is cutepunkboy, and ....uh, we'll be upstairs." Creepy. No thanks.
I go back and forth with this one. I had sex in my parents house as a teenager. They would have killed me if they had known. It probably would have been a good idea for me to be on birth control, but I would have never been able to have that conversation with my mom. I still get all red faced talking to my mom about TTC.
Part of me thinks that I'd rather my kid tell me and be safe and not 16&PG. Really, though, I probably don't want to know. There's a lot of learning and deciding between now and then.
Absolutely not. As a teenager, I never would have discussed that with my parents for a million dollars and the fact that my parent would encourage it would have made me want to hide out more.
The only reason for doing this I can see would be a reverse psychological deterrent effect on the children because it is sooo uncomfortable.
Stand up for something you believe in.
This is how I feel. I mean, growing up I was a good kid and I never did anything at my parents house, but times have changed, and to assume your kid isn't going to want to have sex is naive. Sure, every parent wants their child to wait, but it's just not a reality, and if you don't allow yourself to have an open mind with an open line of communication, you're setting yourself, and your child, up for hard times.
The way I look at it, we'll talk about it, discuss options, and hell I'll even bring her to the doctor myself to make sure she's on BC... but to the parents that think if you don't talk about it, it's not going to happen... that, my friends, is just unrealistic.
updated 10.03.12
Yea, that's a really weird conversation to have. How does that even go?
"Hey honey, I just wanted to let you know it's totally okay to have sex in the house. Just please be mindful of your sister's bedtime (no moaning after 8) and please try to stick to your room, although I know how boring that can get. Personally, your father and I like the dining room table to mix things up now and then."
LOL.
What ever happened to just being honest?? Granted, I snuck around and had sex with my b/f at the time (and Danny when we were dating--mostly out parking) BUT my mother had had the sex talk with me Loooooong before that.
She flat out said, "There will be a time when you want to have sex. I would prefer that you wait until marriage, but when you think the time is right you will do it whether or not I think you should. It's up to you to be responsible. I can take you to get BC, I will teach you about condoms/safe sex, I will teach you about STDs/pregnancy. Either way, it's your decision, not mine."
And that really struck a cord with me. She DID all of the things she said she would. We discussed pregnancy/STDs/safe sex/peer pressure about sex AND she took me to get on BC at 18 (I started dating my ex when we were both 17.) I never out and out said, "MOM! I'm having sex now!!" But when she asked me (my 18th b-day actually) if we had been intimate I had told her yes and that I was ready to be on BC.
HOWEVER, her honestly made me so paranoid that I was some sort of fertile Myrtle and when I DID have sex with ex or Danny I was on the Pill, he always had a condom AND he always pulled out.
But maybe I'm kidding myself that being upfront and honest with my child is good parenting. Meh....
Oh, and schmoo-lou....I now hate you for this post's subject line, because now I'm thinking of that creepy-ass Old Navy commercial where they sing "Let's talk about jeans, baby..."
Ew.