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Random memories question
(I wasn't sure what to title this)
Do y'all ever run through memories of things you've said or done over and over? I am always running through things I've said and wishing I had said something different.
My best example: Every single morning when I see a broken down car or worry about mine breaking down (it's having some issues) I think back to the time when I was driving back to college and my car broke down on the highway (I-95) and I was outside the car under the hood talking to my dad on my cell phone and a volvo station wagon with a dad and teenage son pulled over and asked if I needed help or if I was okay and I remember being not super nice - like I think my face was rude (I can't always control it!) and saying "what? Yeah!" and they said okay and drove away. I realize now how nice it was of them and I should have been more polite. But I was freaking out and I guess I was scared.
I think of it every single day and wish I could stop and just put it behind me! I have other examples. Tell me I'm not crazy! (well, for this reason)
Re: Random memories question
I do this every so often. My husband calls me the Queen of Random.
My Knot Bio My Blog
Yep, it's definitely always things I wish I hadn't said. The car thing is the only one that's daily.
I know, T, I think it's like an OCD thing. I wish I could stop!
October 11, 2008
Trusty Gal blog|Trusty Tales
i randomly think of when i punched Dani in the face the first time i met her and i still feel bad about it :P
no but really, i think i am more like you Summer. i think about things i said that i wish i could take back, or things i wish i had said, or just flat out done differently on a daily basis to the point of where i think it consumes me.
Zoey Emma 08.18.10
Yes! It is damn annoying! I try to put it out of my head but it seems impossible b/c it always comes back! With the car situation it's not like I can find them and apologize to get over it and with other people I hesitate to bring it up b/c I assume they've forgotten about it and then I'll feel worse bringing it up.
This is me as well. My friends and I called it our "over analyzer" syndrome. Because really that is what we were doing. I mean with DH later I might readdress the situation and apologize for how I said something, or what I said, but anyone else would probably think I'm nuts for bringing something up so much after the fact. Then again I am nuts so...
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Mrs. Little Drew 10/25/08
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Yes, I do this, all the time, and have always been very conscious of this phenomenon.
I'm confident that my brain (or my heart) holds on to moments that represent instances in which I should not be proud of myself for how I handled something. I have decided it is the universe's way of keeping me honest and accountable to myself and to others about how I act and how I treat people. It's like an internal moral checks and balance system, I guess.
One of the earliest memories I have like this (and I remember it often) was that I was playing with 2 boys when I was 7. One was white and the other was black. Now, I didn't have any issues with the one boy being black, and I have black cousins and had spent time around other children, so it wasn't a novelty. But I remember the white boy called the black one a name that i didn't REALIZE was an ethnic slur, but I could tell it wasn't a nice word and meant to be insulting, and I repeated it, too.
I don't remember the details, but the boy must have told his parents, school was notified, my parents were notified, etc, and my mother was beside herself that I'd done such a thing, because we genuinely hadn't been raised that way. When she asked me if I knew what the word meant, she believed me fully that I really didn't.
But I remember that whole interaction, almost 35 years ago, so clearly, and it was scarring.
I also have memories of mistakes I've made at work that are clear as day in my mind, and I still remember them and take actions to avoid repeating them. Simple things like the time I printed out something confidential on the wrong printer (in a different building, no less) and had to run across campus to rescue it (Lesson: I check the printer setup EVERY TIME I print something confidential now) or the time I left something confidential on the copier. (HR people get a lot of confidential paper, and I must get distracted easily!)
Rambling, but you get my point.
Again, I think it's kind of like a moral immune system. The memories invade me to protect me from doing something again that I won't be proud of.
I over analyze and playback things all the time. DH hates it and doesn't understand why I can't just move on.
It's yet another reason that once work slows after Oct 1 I'm going to look into seeing a therapist.
Wives Unscripted
omg lol! I actually hadn't thought about this in a while! Thanks for the laugh!
I know what you're saying Summer. I do this all the time. I definitely re-live events I regret over and over in my head.