Military Nesties
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
How to cope with husband being gone...
I am not a military wife, but my fiance works out of town a lot. This year he's been out of state most of the time and home for a total of 8 weeks put together. Now he's gone again till possibly December or March, which is one month shy of our wedding. We've been together for 9 years and are extremely committed to each other. We have a house and a dog and I have a job that I love, but this being apart is killing me. This is the first year we've been apart this much. To top it all off, my parents are moving away and his family is as well. So, it's just me and my faithful dog. But it's lonely. At my age, friends are busy starting families, starting their careers or in school. It can be very lonely. I figured a military wife could relate and maybe give me some tips on how to stay out of a deep depression. Lol! I've always had my family near, I'm not very independent...I know that's sad and something I'll have to learn, but it's hard making the transition. Any tips?
Re: How to cope with husband being gone...
Hi and welcome.
Do you both have internet and webcams? If so, Skype will be your best friend. Make date times with each other on the webcams. Find other ways to conect. MH and I will watch the same shows or movies while he's gone so we have things we can talk about besides work and kids.
Also, find things for you outside of the house. Are you in school or do you have a job? Do you have any hobbies? Go take some craft classes at Michael's or a local college. Volunteer with a program that means something to you. So many non profits are in serious need of volunteer work. It would be a great way for you to do good work for your community and meet people at the same time.
You have to find a way to get out of your own way and find your independence. With out it, you will dig your self into depression. That's a hard hole to climb out of. Get out of your comfort zone. When you need a bit of encouragement, please feel free to come back to our board. We have several regular posters who have no connection to the military at all other than family memebers or friends on this board. We are pretty welcoming, but we are pretty blunt around here. There aren't very many rainbows and unicorns. HTH
One thing that I would recommend, and I know that this can be hard for a lot of people, is to find things that will literally force you to get out of the house. That's what really works for me. I can go to bed every night with all kinds of aspirations for the following day, but if there's nothing and nobody to hold me to it, I tend to get really reclusive.
You said that you have a dog, so maybe that's a good starting point since dogs like to get outside and play. See about finding a dog park, or some nice outdoor places to take your dog to explore. See if the local shelter needs volunteers.
Do you have lots of friends nearby? Family that isn't moving? Make lunch dates with friends, plan short trips to visit family if you can. Maybe you can even plan trips to see your fiance.
Signing up for some type of athletic class or workout group is another good way to go. This way you're getting exercise that will help you feel good in general and hopefully you'll be out seeing people.
Sometimes you just want to stay home, think of things you like that he doesn't, like perhaps chick flicks or certain types of food and indulge.
You can be more independent, you just have to work at it and keep reminding yourself of your goals.
This has helped me a lot before too.
I agree with everyone all the other ladies have said. For me, it's all about my attitude-- if I sit around moping and thinking that it's going to be terrible, it WILL be terrible! But if I go into it thinking of it as an opportunity for us to strengthen our communication skills as a couple, and for both of us to grow as individuals, it's really not bad at all. When I feel myself getting bummed, I acknowledge it, and I give myself just a few minutes to allow myself to wallow; I might shower and let myself think about it, but when I get out of that shower, it's time to get over it. I call a friend and make plans, or go buy myself a new outfit, or find a new recipe to try out at home. Anything to keep myself busy and away from the "woe is me".
Skype every night, send letters or boxes to each other, and do everything you can to get out and enjoy yourself. Most importantly, remind yourself that this will pass. Separation is temporary, and in the grand scheme of your lives, these 4-7 months are a drop in the bucket!