Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
*personal* moms, please help
Ok, so this isn't a *super* personal post, but I don't want to go the baby nest and I don't want to post something this random on P&CE.
I have issues with Sam and I need a mom's perspective! How, how, how do you effectively discipline a 19 month old? He screeches, slaps and kicks ONLY me. For example: Sam is a perfect angel when around other family, friends, strangers. But, if it's just us (meaning Sam, Charlie and me), then he turns into the devil incarnate. He will screech at a frequency designed to kill cats, try to slap me or Charlie if he's frustrated, and kick if I'm changing a diaper or picking him up.
I'm no fan of spanking, and I'm thinking it wouldn't work anyway. Is a time-out going to be at all effective for someone his age? Re-direction ony works so-so. Did any of you experience this, and do you have any advice?!
Re: *personal* moms, please help
I'm really sorry you are dealing with this! I have two little ones and my toddler sometimes does what you describe - an angel out in public and the devil when home with me.
I started time-outs for her when she was 18m, convinced she was far too young. She giggled through the first one, thinking it was a game. By the third one, she was crying because it clicked that (1) it wasn't a game; and (2) she was being sent away from the action.
What I do is give her a warning ("I'm going to count to 5 and if you don't ___ by the time I reach 5, you will get a time-out"). If she fails to correct her behavior, I put her in time-out and explain why she is in time-out. When time-out is over, I tell her why she was in time-out and that I love her. I then give her a hug.
Time-outs are very effective for us and hopefully will be for you, too!
A couple other thoughts: can you give him a toy during diaper changes that he usually doesn't get to play with? I do this with DS (who is 14m) and it distracts him so that I can change his diaper. Another thought is redirection. When either DD or DS is acting out, I start playing with a new toy or direct them toward something that I know they like.
Finally, and I'm not thrilled to type this as I also have a son who is just entering toddlerhood, but from my observation with DD's play group, boys simply are more aggressive and not as easy to control. It doesn't mean they are monsters, but all of the boys in our play group (with the exception of one devil-child girl) act out much more than the girls.
I wish you luck! Parenting can be soooo tough.
the only advice I have is to not ignore it - or else by the time hes 5 he'll be one of those grocery store screechers. I think the pp had some good ideas. do you say "no!" or things like"no kick!" yet?
We do time-outs as well. My boys went through a biting stage - they learn that crap at school. We do a lot of re-directing vs. just saying "no" We say "We give don't bite, we give kisses" and try to engage them in other activities.
Consistency is key.
<a href="http://www.thenest.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=HTML&utm_campaign=tickers" title="Home D
Thanks for the advice. We definitely say "we don't kick/slap/scream, we hug," etc. And the toys during diaper changes thing sometimes works too. The insanely frustrating part is that he doesn't do this to anyone else. It's weird--he doesn't watch tv, and he hasn't been in daycare, so I really don't understand where he learned this. Must be some innate boy thing...And nobody who knows us believes that he does this. Dh didn't even fully realize until this weekend--he threw his back out and had to go lay down in our bedroom. The second he was out of the room, Sam started going nuts on me.
I will definitely ramp up the redirection, and try to make an effective time-out. I've pretty much worn out the word "No" which was the one thing I swore I wouldn't do as a parent.
And, he starts going to daycare a few times a week next week because I will finally be working again!! So hopefully he will back off if he has a little break from me for half the day.
Thanks again, I very much appreciate the insight.
I've only started setting limits with LLL but I can tell you what my SIL does with her sons: The younger one (15 months now) had a biting issue. She would hold him away from her (at arm's length,) look directly in his eyes and say, "No. We do not bite." in a very flat, stern voice.
When he did it a second time, she put him down (I saw this as we were sitting on the floor,) repeated what she said, but then crossed her arms in front of her, so he could not crawl back into her lap. She didn't full out ignore him, but definitely and clearly showed him where his limits are.
So, I'd recommend that. Even if he needs his diaper changed, I'd try calmly but sternly putting him down and telling him no and giving him the cold shoulder so to speak.
You are not alone. I have this issue with my 26 month old. She is obsessed with my face...hitting, pinching, scratching, and less and less biting. To some degree with my DH as well. We don't have much of the screeching...so far. One thing is that I make sure to get eye contact when I say no and redirect. We try to ignore her during tantrums and say something like let us know when you are done or "we don't understand tantrums".
It will probably get better as he learns to speak...Now that she is talking we ask her to "use words". I also noticed that the biting is worse when new teeth are coming in. We have "bites" (those frozen chew toys) that we put on a string around her neck like a necklace to get her to bite on if she is going through a biting spell.