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One-sided Friendships Worth It or Not? Discuss.
I met a Mom I really like through the Mom group I did last Summer. We don't have a ton in common but we always have a lot to talk about, we have a great time when we hang out and our kids like to play too. She is the kind of person who makes friends very easily and has many many friends. We invited her and her husband to Jane's party and she invited me to her son's much smaller party.
Anyway - the only time we ever do anything is when I initiate it. I didn't used to mind but then she'd say things like "oh, we HAVE to go to the Zoo, we're members we can bring you, let's plan it..." and then never does. However, everytime I suggest we do something she's game and we hang out.
So, because she's fun and I do like her - do I keep "trying"? Or, do I just figure if she's not pulling her weight forget it?
I will add that I know she hangs out with other Moms from the same group (the ones I've told you all about that I don't like and have written off). If she's asking them or them asking her I don't know......
Re: One-sided Friendships Worth It or Not? Discuss.
Unlike many Moms I've met I don't feel like she ever judged me for my weight or how I parent (other Moms in the group made me feel both). Last time we hung out she was talking about one of her friends and I said "oh, right - was she the one you met in swim class?" because I was trying to place her and she was like "yes, but she's become a really close friend, we hang out all time time (pause...) I think it's because we have a lot of the same interests - we go to the gym, we run together, etc". I took it as an implication that I do neither of those things, so.....
I feel like I'm like your friend so I'm going to obviously say it's worth it lol. It's not that I'm lazy or that I don't want to hang out. I have this weird self-conscious thing where I hate to suggest stuff (even if it's been previously brought up) b/c I never know what other people want to do and I never think they want to do stuff when I do. I'm a Leo, I'm not supposed to be like this.
I'd much prefer someone to initiate an outing or a suggestion b/c I'm always game for anything. I just can't handle the pressure of being the decider or the initiater. I have so many friends that aren't like this that I've never had to worry about it. They always suggest stuff or tell me what we're going to do. REALLY, it's their fault now that I'm thinking about it. Enablers.
I get this, and I would go as far to say I am the same why. I am always game for everything, but I hate being the suggestor because I'm kinda shy about putting myself out there for rejection. Now if you were initiating and she was denying constantly then YES I'd let the friendship go. But if she likes to hang out with you, and does when you ask, keep it going.
Even with DH, I always want to do something but I never know what. If he would just say, "hey this is what we are doing today" we'd be good.
I guess - but why do I always have to be the 'asker'? I don't like being the asker either, damn it! *harumph*
As DH said. You can either choose to let it go and it will be your fault or you can continue being the initiator and have a good time hanging out with her. Seems pretty clear to me, I guess.
Your DH is a wise man lol. I'm j/k. I'm sure it's super annoying and I don't really know why I'm stubborn about it. I'm sorry. I feel the need to apologize for all of the people like me.
IT IS the rejection Trickey!! I didn't even know that's why I did it until you said it out load. Who knew I was such a delicate flower?
I should probably go to therapy or something. I'll make it my resolution next year.
Tee hee...I love this conversation!
I've actually been contemplating this myself quite a bit lately. My MOH (I was also her MOH in 2010) stayed in the town where we went to college together, got married, has a job there, etc. Meanwhile, I moved two hours away. I seem to never talk with her or meet up with her unless I call and initiate. Sometimes I'll have to call two or three times to get a hold of her. Once I even sent a text after two voicemails along the lines of "I can't get a hold of you." and she sent back a hostile "I don't remember you calling me." That's just her personality, and I've knwon her to be like this for years. But at least there was dual-initiation going on for most of our friendship, that has now fallen off.
I'm not ready to give up on this friendship just yet, because we've been friends for so long. But a new-ish friend? I'd have a harder time hanging on to that.
Sometimes I feel like I need new friends up here. I have two friends who will initiate things other than me. Besides that I am always the one initiating! Plus I have several friends who are NEVER free and I hate that. I get rejected every time but I don't want to stop initiating because then I feel we'll never hang out.
I would totally feel slighted by the comment about going to the gym. I am pretty defensive and I think I sometimes come across bitchy because of it.
But anyway, since I am the person who always initiates, I'd say continue to go for it.
Cut the Crap - Weight loss journey of a Few Fat Chicks
I'm terrible about initiating, too. Not because I'm self conscious, just because sometimes I kinda forget. I get busy with my own little life and I don't even think "oh, I haven't seen this person in awhile. I should call them." Or, I think of stuff like that at times that I cannot call them (when I'm at work), and then forget to call them later (when I get home that night). Very bad me.
Don't worry about the comment. Just because they have some hobbies in common, and those hobbies happen to be running, I'm sure she didn't mean anything by it. You might get along well, but not have much in common. She might just spend time with this other girl because in addition to hanging out at parent-related stuff, they also hang out at other times. If she'd said "oh, I guess we hang out a lot because we found out we both love knitting, so we do that together" it'd be the same thing.