Northern California Nesties
dani2480
member
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
How do you feel about "pop ins"?
What's your personal opinion on "pop-ins", i.e. dropping by someone's house unannounced for a visit? Is it okay for only certain people in your life? Or do you prefer everyone call in advance? How do you feel about "popping in" on someone else?
Re: How do you feel about "pop ins"?
I grew up in a very southern town where people did not just "pop in" for a visit. We might be sitting on the porch and see someone walking by, and they would stop and visit, but people just don't stop by unannounced. The only time you did that was when someone had a baby or died.
Example: My mom's MIL could be across the street at the library and she would call to ask if she could walk across the street and see her grandchildren for a few minutes.
So I appreciate it when people call, even if they are across the street to make sure we are home and available for visitors.
DH and I were discussing this recently as we have some friends/neighbors that have repeatedly encouraged us to come by their house "any time!" The wife (who I'm developing a good friendship with) will occasionally pop by our house (we live two doors down) just to say "hi" to me. Or sometime my IL's will call and say they're going to be in the neighborhood and want to stop by (but it's always with some lame excuse, like they're visiting the Target near us, when there are two near them... or they need to "drop something off", and that "something" turns out to be something that could have waited, like a piece of junk mail for DH).
In general, DH and I are not fans of the "pop in". We usually like people to at least call before coming by, in case we're in the middle of something or not up for visitors at the time. We don't really like popping in on others, and will call or plan ahead. I tend to feel like it's an intrusion on people's privacy, or kind of demanding to expect they drop whatever they're doing to socialize with me.
But I also wonder how people like our neighbors feel about people like DH and I that don't really take them up on their "stop by whenever" invitations, or extend the same in return.
It's only okay if we're in a sitcom and you're my wacky neighbor.
Otherwise, no, I'm not cool with it. At. All. I like to be able to prepare a little, straighten up the place so it doesn't look like you're walking into an episode of Hoarders, put on decent clothes instead of my awesomely comfortable sweatpants w/the hole right on the butt so you can see the hearts on my underpants. You drop in w/o a call first and... well, I'm not paying for your therapy bill based on the horrors you might witness.
This.
And lol at the sitcom reference.
It's a nice idea but fails miserably in practice.
I recently discussed with some friends how hanging out has become a primarily scheduled event, and that there are plenty of opportunities to hang out being missed due to this notion that the other party must be busy.
In the spirit of the "pop ins" idea, some friends and I have started texting each other more often just to say we'll be in the neighborhood, or are going out soon to such-and-such place locally, or are at home watching shows/films/being bored. Essentially, just throwing out casual invitations to see each other in a way that doesn't hinder our existing plans. If we don't hear back it doesn't matter, because we're doing what we were going to do anyways. There's no pressure to devote the entire evening to it, which allows us to do it on weekday nights too. We'll meet for dinner and then go home, or hang out just long enough to watch a film. It's great. No pressure or stress for either side and we see each other more now. So that's my preferred approach.
Women don't want to hear what men think,
women want to hear what they think, in a deeper voice
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I freaking love you, S!
I don't feel quite as strongly about it as most of you do, but in most cases I wouldn't be thrilled about it either.
bahahahahaha!!!!!!!!
Ditto this. I don't want anyone seeing my house with clods of black cat hair all over the carpet.
I wonder if this is a tradition that comes from a time when women stayed home all day and could keep a spotless house.
And Dani, if your neighbors repeatedly tell you stop by, I'd do it. Apparently they don't mind.
This is what I think. Also, most of those women were probably bored so that was a way to socialize and keep up on the gossip.
I am pretty neutral on this issue. I grew up with my mom being appalled at this idea, but my dad thinking it's normal. Their compromise was always to always call at least 10 minutes before to ask if it was okay to stop by. 10 minutes still isn't a lot of time to freshen up, but at least it's not such a surprise. (We moved around a few times when I was growing up so this would occasionally happen when we were driving through old neighborhoods).
I wouldn't do it to someone else, but most days I'd be okay with someone popping in on us.
As I've been reading, several things have occurred to me:
1) if we lived closer, I would have no problems with my mom dropping in (but, I wouldn't feel like I had to clean up for her and she would be fine even if I was hanging out in my equivalent of holey sweatpants) the same is not said for anyone else I can think of
2) when I used to live in an apartment, we'd have our doors open for air circulation and I loved that people would stop by...to me, that's the equivalent of sitting out on the porch.
My mom's neighbor just drops in and is really insistent about it (since they know she's there) and she's not always ready for visitors so it can be awkward
This is so funny because last weekend, MIL and niece "popped in" for a visit with J and the baby. I was napping and when I woke up and came to the living room, there she was...sitting on my couch. I looked at J (she couldn't see me, her back was turned to me) and mouthed "WHAT THE F*CK!"
I was raised that popping by was looked down upon, but rude to turn someone away for not calling. I wasn't OK with her popping in, but I didn't want to tell her to leave since she had been there for a few minutes. It's definitely a sticky situation.
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