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Guest list woes (why hello, 2 years ago)
And here I thought we'd never have to deal with this after the wedding! Nope. It's time to plan Darian's baptism.
V
and I want a small, intimate event - immediate families,
aunts/uncles/first cousins (we're close to the ones who live nearby).
and the godparents = less than 20 people total. We'd do it at our church
downtown and go out for dinner nearby.
The thing is, this kind of event is a big deal in V's family. So,
MIL also wants to invite V's great aunt, 4 other families of second
cousins, and her friends.
Great aunt would be offended not to be
invited, and inviting her means inviting ALL of the other second
cousins. This would make the guest list at least 40 people. I haven't
seen many of these people since our wedding.
Plus, MIL wants to host it at her house - 35 mi / 56 km away from
the church. It's about a 45-60 min drive depending on traffic. We've
suggested venues downtown but she wants it at her house (cheaper that
way - if she hosts, she'd be paying). I am not willing to do it at a
different church. We are very active members and it's the same church
where we got married.
I don't want to cause rifts in the family, but to me this is an intimate
event and I just want to celebrate it with people that I'm close to. We
tried our best to make everyone happy for our wedding because we
figured it was a once in a lifetime thing. I don't want to have to do
this for every event in our lives. I hate that family politics and
people's feelings turn these happy occasions into social obligations,
not celebrations.
WWYD? Put your foot down, or give in to family obligations?
Would you side eye an invitation where the ceremony and reception were so far apart?
Weigh in please!
Baby #2: Surprise BFP 9.19.12, EDD 5.24.13, natural m/c 10.19.13 at 9w
Re: Guest list woes (why hello, 2 years ago)
I would put my foot down and do the smaller event. I think you have to start thinking in the long term. What will happen on holidays, or Darian's first birthday. You guys are a family and need to do what makes you guys happy.
A way perhaps to do both things.
Is there anyway you could do the baptism your way and have dinner, then perhaps get together the next day for a huge family get together to celebrate?
I'd put my foot down. it's one thing if it's a wedding and your parents are footing the bill - then I say they have the right to choose who is invited. and like you said, that's a once in a lifetime event, but this is YOUR child. I'm all for compromise, but it seems as if V's parents (specifically MIL) has some control issues to begin with, and I just don't think it's their decision to make.
I don't know much about religious ceremonies, but it seems to me that it should be a private and personal event. if you haven't seen some of these people since the wedding, I don't see a reason why they'd need to be present for such an intimate moment.
is this an affair in which you buy everyone dinner afterward? is there anyway you can invite just close friends and family for the actual baptism and then have more people come to the venue to celebrate Darian after?
TTC since October 2010 | BFP 12/29/11 | RRQ BORN 08/26/12
planned | married | blogged
Ringy, whenever you talk about your MIL, I'm reminded of my FIL. So I'm with PPs: put your foot down. As Mandee said, there seem to be some control issues there, and when you give an inch they take a mile in these instances. It's so hard to confront parents like that, but it has to be done because your family--you, V and Darian--come first. And if an intimate event is what you want, that's what you should get. Your needs and Darian's come first, no matter what your MIL may think or want.
And yeah, I'd sigh and trudge my way to the event that's an hour away, grumbling inside. I'm just grumpy that way.
Baby #2: Surprise BFP 9.19.12, EDD 5.24.13, natural m/c 10.19.13 at 9w
We are currently dealing with the same thing and have not come to a decision yet so I don't think it's fair to tell you what to do.
Yes I would side eye the reception being so far from the ceremony.
FWIW I want to have dinner with just our immediate family after the ceremony. DH and now his parents say we should have a small party at our house which is traditional in Mexican culture. The thing is, we can't have a small party because we would have to include our first cousins, aunts and uncles, as well as friends. We made the list and that's already 100 people including kids. So we're back at square one and have no idea what to do.
Yeah, I'm also in the foot down camp. You have a right to have YOUR son's baptism the way you and your husband want it. She had her turn with V to do things her way (unless she had an overbearing MIL and she's just repeating the behaviour - regardless, it's got to stop somewhere).
Most importantly, it sounds like you've got to establish that when it comes to your son, yours and V's say is what goes - otherwise you'll face battles over how other monuments in your son's life are going to look, you know?
And I totally wouldn't drive an hour away for a baptism reception. We turned down a wedding invite from one of Phil's co-workers for that reason.
Alyson & Phil | Planning Bio | Married Bio!
Dates & Quinces Blog
Baby #2: Surprise BFP 9.19.12, EDD 5.24.13, natural m/c 10.19.13 at 9w
I'm sorry I highjacked your thread to vent. I hope you're able to figure something out soon.
Sean and I refuse to make M's baptism more than just immediate family with a very small reception at our home. We don't care what anyone else says because he's our son. Granted no one in our family is making a big deal of it, but still, I'm ridiculously stubborn about these things.
We're just getting to the baptism stuff now (LO will be 8 months on Monday). DH and I are keeping it very intimate. It will basically be just us and godparents. Most, if not all, of my family are Jewish (I converted to Catholisicm over 2 years ago) and will not attend because they do not share the same beliefs as we do (which is fine by me).
Stick to your guns and put your foot down. This is your little family, not theirs and you should do as you see fit. You should never have to feel obligated to no one.
5lbs 9 oz, 18.5 inches long
6 months: 16lbs 15 oz, 27 inches long