Oh my god. I should just lube myself up at this point and let them have their way with me. Jesus Christ.
For those in the know about UK immigration and my professional life from hell - we have 3 colleges, an immigration firm, a newspaper and a media office in the UK - so I have a lot of sponsor licenses and a lot of dealings with the UKBA.
Anyway, we just got a sponsor license for the second college ( woo hoo! ) but a B rating ( WTF?!) so we can't use it until we get an A rating. So I call the UKBA and they tell me that my Action Plan and approval package is in the post.
Wait a few days, nothing.
So today I get a letter from them that says that there is an Action Plan that I need to follow to get an A rating.
No big deal, right?
But in order for them to send the bloody action plan to me, I have to pay them another ?1000 pounds!
So I call the UKBA, all furious and they're like, no, that's not a mistake. No ma'm, that's not extortion. No ma'm, we're not common theives. No ma'm, we cannot return your original documents (including my leases!) to you until the ?1000 is paid.
Oh, and if I don't pay it in 14 days my license will be revoked. WTF?!?!
Bastards!
Anyway, I'm quite sure that this is some form of extortion and/or corporate ass rape.

Re: I'm being extorted by the UKBA