Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Dual military with kids? Come on in!
So, its about that time again. Yep, re enlistment window has opened up. Here comes the age old question of To stay in, or not to stay in?
My original contract was 3 years and my plan, at the ripe age of 18, was to get out after and attend college while living on the GI Bill and my ACFI. However, 2 years in I realized I wasnt done playing Soldier and signed over an additional 5 years of my life to the Army (no regrets!). My current ETS date will take me to 8 years and 4 days so no reserve time will be necessary. Back when I signed the contract my way of thinking was "this is enough time to fullfill my obligation and because its under 10 years I wont feel any pressure (from myself) to stay and retire.
Since then I have married a Soldier and been deployed 3 times in 6 years. As I look at the recent economy and how far I have made it in the Army (rankwise) I am worried that if I get out not only will I be taking a huge paycut by "starting a new career" but there is the chance I may not find a job at all. If I got out I would follow DH to where ever he is stationed and I know constant moves can be career suicide.
Then there is the added "kid factor." DH and I plan on TTC once this deployment is over. I want my kids to have the best lifestyle we can provide them and I know that this would require two incomes. Of course wearing this uniform means deploying and we have already set up who we would have for our family care plan. I know it will be difficult to leave the kids behind to deploy, but I also know I have to work to support them. How have you and your SO handled this. Do you and him deploy at the same time and leave LO with someone or do you alternate deployments so one parent is at home with LO at all times? I can imagine that would be a strain on a marriage though. All of your thoughts and input are greatly appreciated!
Thank you!
BFP #2 02/05/2013 EDD 09/19/2013
Re: Dual military with kids? Come on in!
When it came time for me to make that choice, I decided not to re-enlist. I loved being in the Army but I had to do what I felt was right for our kids. DH has a very demanding job. He's gone for more than half of every year. We wanted the kids to have at least one of us with them all the time. No one can raise our kids exactly the way we want to. I decided to get out and stay at home with them for the next couple of years. I am cleaning a few houses a month to make some extra money.
You have to decide what is right for your family. We live off DH's E6 income. The money I make helps to offset the cost of sending three of our four kids to private school. Our kids have every thing they need and most of what they want. , with in reason. It can be done.
Sit down with and figure out a budget with just your H's income. See what you can cut back on. Decide if you are willing to live on that amount. Then decide if you are willing to live outside of your role as a Soldier. I miss it a lot, but I'm glad I have this time with my kids while they are young.
Good luck figuring out what is right for you.
I'll get out when we have kids. Yes, kids need money but the reason they need money is for them to have a stable life, not for them to have designer sneakers. Having both parents coming and going will really take away their stability. Plus having to switch homes (and possibly schools?) not only each time you PCS but when you deploy would create a really chaotic life for them.
If I were you, I'd take the GI Bill and get trained in a trade that is compatible with military needs. Maybe something in healthcare so that you can work at a base hospital or a VA, or a local civilian hospital. If you can get into the VA system you can apply for transfers when your DH gets stationed elsewhere (not a guarantee, but helpful). That's my plan.
PS- If you choose to stay in, I've heard that deploying at the same time (even to the same location) is best if you can work it out that way. The kids know you're gone together, and when you get back, you go back to all being a family. What's the point of having kids with someone if you're going to tag-team who watches them and never really get to co-parent? I don't mean that in a judgey way, I just mean that parenting with my husband is going to be half the fun of it. Sharing the joy of our children's milestones.
If my DH and I both feel deeply committed to staying in, we might delay having kids or even skip it altogether.
Right now I am thinking I cant make a decision until we know what CS will be for SS. Right now DH pays $800/month, but BM is taking him back to court for an increase to $1300/month once we get back from deployment. If she gets her way (based on DH & BM income + daycare costs) then there is no way we will be able to afford the same standard of living or the flights for SS to visit if I get out. Thank you for your advice!
BFP #2 02/05/2013 EDD 09/19/2013
I too think it would be best for us to continue to be on the same deployment cycles in regards to our marriage as well as when we have children. I do appreciate that our current duty station caters to married couples and DH was able to move to my battalion so we could deploy together once we found out our battalions were deploying 8 months apart from eachother.
My current deployment has a total of 45 married couples and most of them do have children and they agree that its better for their family
Oh, and I completely agree with your bolded portion.Those are my thoughts exactly
BFP #2 02/05/2013 EDD 09/19/2013
To answer your question, I love my job and if I were to leave it on the Army side I would attempt to gain empoyment with DOD so i could continue the same job. We work with civilians all the time so I know the job option is there, but with this economy I dont know if there will be employment opportunities.
DH said that with our dreams and goals that we will need 2 incomes to support them and I agree. He said that he will support my decision to stay in or get out, but its up to me in the long run to decide if I want to keep playing Soldier.
BFP #2 02/05/2013 EDD 09/19/2013
Agreed. We decided it best for me to stay home because MH is gone more than half of every year. I have just started cleaning forclosure homes. I can make as much working 7 days a month as I was making back when I was bartending full time.
Also, GA and several other states have programs for vets to become teachers with out a degree. They go by your points and time in service. A guy who was in my unit is now teaching history thanks to this program. He's also working on his degree at the same time. He is madly in love with his new career.