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I'm I the weirdo, or is DH?
DH goes to a lot of activities, especially in the summer, like outdoor (free concerts), bike rides, etc. I go to a lot of it too, but not all of it, mostly because of work, if I'm really not interested in a band or something, i don't go to the concert.
I'm pretty protective of my friends, or at least of the people that were my friends before DH was even in the picture. I will invite them to things that I think they will enjoy, but I don't just invite to people to increase our group number.
DH is sort of the opposite. He will invite EVERYONE he knows to just about everything. I find this annoying, but if he wants to do this with his friends, I don't care.
However, he will call or text my friends (often without my knowledge)to invite them to stuff. Example:
We are going to a free outdoor concert this evening. I invited a couple of my friends, they passed. One other friend of mine (E) I didn't invite, but it's because I know she's going to another concert at the same time, so she couldn't go anyway.
DH texted me this afternoon to tell me he texted E to see if she could go.
Two things about this bug me:
1. I told him this morning that E was unavailable tonight. He forgot.
2. E is my friend! I feel like invites to my friends should go through me, except in very limited circumstances.
So, am I the weirdo for being bothered by this, or is DH the weirdo for feeling like it's okay to just contact my friends?
Edit: I forgot to add that DH and I have very different ways of asking people to go to stuff. I ask once. If they say no, I leave it alone. He will ask many times, thinking that if he just keeps asking, they will change their minds. This drives me crazy, and I have told him so. I don't want him pestering my friends.
Re: I'm I the weirdo, or is DH?
Naw, not too weird. I can understand how you kind of want it to be up to you to contact your friends.
He may think bc they're your friends they're his friends though...?
But maybe ask him, hey do you see me texting your friends??? if it bothers you?
To some extent, E & I have "acquired" each other's friends. There are some of his I won't contact except for something specific, like if I was throwing him a surprise party, but his best friend and I gchat or FB chat all the time, whether or not E knows... I'll usually mention it during or after, depending on the circs.
And I know he's become friends with lots of my friends and they'll talk or text without going through me first, or even letting me know.
But I've always liked that sort of thing - my friends (and now E) becoming friends with each other. Especially since E moved from Brooklyn to be here, I want him to become friends with them independently of me so he has people to hang out with even if I'm not there.
As for inviting people to things we're doing jointly, if it's someone who was my friend first, he may ask me to contact them if he's busy or lazy, and I'm just as likely to say, "You do it."
Thankfully, neither of us is that annoying and repetitive, though. That would bother me. That is, unles E's drunk. When he's drunk he gets annoying and repetitive. But then we're not usually first going out or making plans anyway.
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Rodgers and I are friends with each others' friends, but we don't really live near any of our individual friends. Most of our current friends are couple friends we met at the same time. He has a few friends in the area from college, and I would never contact them unless we were doing something big (rare), and he asked me to add his friends to my invite list/bulk contact.
We don't really do activities like you, though. Either we do something with our Bible study group, which has been planned among the group and no one needs to be invited, or we just do stuff by ourselves and with my family.
If we're going to be traveling to see our OOT friends or passing through their area, we would each contact our own friends.
ETA: Conclusion: I think YH is the weirdo.
This sounds exactly like us. I will talk to "his" friends and he will talk to mine, it works well for us, because we've both doubled our friends.
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