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My BIL is such a D-Bag!!!!
He is always a jerk. Every single time my brother in law and sister fight, he tells everyone she is hormonal. He always puts my Mom in the middle of it. Like she is going to take his side over her own daughter.
They had a joint baby shower...where guys and girls were there so everyone could be involved. After the shower kind of died down and there were only a few people left, BIL decides he wants to "get drunk". No one else wanted to drink. We all had to drive out of town. We already had to clean up after the shower. My sister and us all were exhausted already after that. Plus, we didn't want to clean up again after he made a drunken mess. So, of course this pisses him off. He pulls my sister out of the room, while she was still visiting, to yell at her in the kitchen about this crap.
After their son was born, my Mom went to stay with them to help out. One morning she was letting my Sister get some rest and my BIL came out and yelled at her b/c the dishwasher wasn't unloaded. My Mom packed her stuff and said she can't be treated like this and wanted to leave. I don't blame her!
Their son is 1 now. They just had his bday party. BIL planned a huge party then had to work an overnight shift so wanted to come home the morning of the party and sleep. My Mom stayed the night (since it's out of town for us all) so she could get up early and help set up and everything. At one point he said no one was going to see my nephew and he was just going to take him away b/c we apparently pissed him off about his birthday. That made my Mom call me in tears b/c of that. My Sister and Mom were both crying that day. 
He doesn't do anything for himself and he always treats my Sister like crap.
I really hate him, but I have to be nice to him since he is part of the family. Plus I don't want him moving my Sister and nephew any further away from us or preventing them/us from seeing one another.
I'm sorry this is long. It is just basically a rant. I just need to get this off my chest. I can't even call my Mom to talk about anything else b/c she ALWAYS brings up something crappy he did and it just pisses me off. I sometimes avoid talking to her b/c of this.
That feels a little better for now. It really helps just to get it out anyway possible.
Re: My BIL is such a D-Bag!!!!
Well, since you arent married to him there is nothing you can do. If you dont want to be involved with him then be prepared.
You sister allows this behavior from him, you should be bitching about that!
Oh, trust me I do!!! I tell my Mom that all the time. "Well, she married him." I just wish she didn't depend on guys so much. She has always dated jerks her whole life. I know I can't do anything about what she chooses to do with her life. I just tell my Mom that all we can do is be there when she needs us to be.
Since your sister chose this guy and continues to stay with him, there isn't a lot you can do, other than get up and leave when he starts acting like this.
Your sister does bear responsibility in this because she is choosing to stay.
I agree w/ Mags. Stay out of it and MYOB. Your sister is a grownup who chose this man.
Well, she wasn't quite so rude about it.....
Yep, he's a douchenozzle and an abusive, controlling one at that. However, until your sister decides she's had enough, he's there to stay.
You can always tell your sister you're done with dealing with his bull, but that you are there for her and your nephew always. Most victims are very protective of their abusers, so be prepared for her to tell you off. Or you can keep your mouth shut and stay out of it.
I'm sorry but that sounds a little harsh. I agree, until her sister wants to leave there's not much she can do about it. She (and her mom) will just drive themselves crazy worrying about it when her sister is making the decision to allow this behavior. For her own sanity, she should just MYOB because it will make things easier on herself. However, IMO this guy shows abusive tendencies wanting to isolate her and move her away, and with the temper he shows in public, I can only imagine how it is when they are in private. You can't blame her for being concerned about her sister and needing to vent.
ETA: spelling
He is emotionally abusive. Read up on the cycle of abuse, it will help you understand why and how your sister wound up with him and why she feels she can't leave him.
I would ask her a lot of open ended questions to see how she feels about the situation, then work with what she tells you. I would not just go to her and complain. But if she calls crying reaffirm for her that she has every right to be upset and what he's doing sucks. When you have a chance you and her, let her know that you'll support her whatever she wants to do, stay, get marriage counseling, leave and always will be. If you can motivate her to get a job, go back to school, get individual counseling so she is in a better position to stand up for herself, feel confident, and eventually leave someday if she wants I would strongly encourage you to do so. But you want to make it absolutely, 100% clear that you are on her team and will back her up without attacking him. Attacking him will only push her further towards him.
I completly agree! All you can do is be there for her, if she changes her mind about him!
Another thing, next time your Mom brings up the subject or another crappy thing he did tell her to stop. Simply say I've come to expect the worse and he never disappoints. I cannot talk about him, because I love my sister and I cannot go around thinking she and her child are subjected to him everyday. Change the subject and don't let your Mom vent for them at every call.
I hope your sister breaks the cycle of abuse before it further damages her and their son. My suggestion to you is to write his name on a piece of paper and put it in the freezer. It won't help anything, but you will feel like you did something without getting involved.
Exactly this. She will defend him tooth and nail if you try to tell her how abusive he is. Instead, when she comes to you with complaints, support her. Good luck. I'm sorry, and I can't begin to imagine how hurt and frustrated you must feel.
My sister married this guy - 30 years ago....
You have two choices
1. Detach from your sister and tell your mother you believe he is an abuser and unless you all want to have an intervention for your sister letting her know how you feel that you don't want to talk about it any more.
2. Tell your sister you support her but that your believe she is in an abusive marriage and you hope that she would talk to her doctor about it and give her some other resources - like a number for DV hotline etc.
I suppose you could do both things at once but I can tell you it is a difficult thing to live with and it is very hard to see these marriages go on year in and year out especially with kids involved.
Best thing to do is tell your sister you are worried for her well-being and her child's. Then let her know you are always there for her when she is ready to get out of that situation.
Unfortunately, none of my sister's/family members listen until they see it for themselves. Sometimes, it even takes a while after that for them to realize what's going on. Just be as supportive as you can be when she figures out what's really going on.
This man sounds abusive, but the caveat is that your sister is still choosing to stay with him. His goal may be to eventually isolate her from you all completely. Doing your best to maintain a relationship with her is critical because you all will likely be the people she would come to to get away from him if she needed. Has your sister ever mentioned being dissatisfied with the way he treats her? This man sounds very abusive
.