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Rant
So, I emailed our FRG leader 2 weeks ago asking about the welcome home ceremony, just to get an idea of how things will go once the soldiers land and kind of what to expect since this is our first 'welcome home' from deployment. When I heard nothing back (after 2 weeks) I emailed our FRSA- who is awesome, She sent me this whole packet of information on redeployment. Fantastic info!
She (FRSA) also asked if I was getting phone calls from the FRG- which i haven't- not one since my hubby deployed. Granted, I am living with family in a totally different state until he comes home, but still... and told me to make sure to send the FRG leader my contact info, which I did and I requested that she let me know she recieved it. The FRSA also emailed the FRG leader on this issue.
The FRG leader then sent the whole string of emails to her hubby (1SG that is deployed with DH right now). 1SG calls DH in to talk to him about this 'issue' and I haven't talked with DH yet, so I don't know what happened other than the fact that 1SG emailed me telling me that he talked to my DH and that I am not able to get the information on when my DH will be coming home or any flight info until closer to time. I WAS NOT EVEN ASKING FOR THAT. I may be kinda new to all this, but I definitely know better than that.
All that to say, I felt like a complete moron, slightly embarrassed and was fighting like crazy not to cry at work over something the FRG leader should have handled on her own instead of getting her hubby and mine involved. Really?! All she had to do was say "Hey, got your phone number, will keep ya updated". How hard is that?
Re: Rant
I agree with everything. Let me just add that even though you are not in the state right now, you need...no, YOU DESERVE to know what is going on with your H's return. I am not currently in the state where my H is stationed and that is something that we as a family decided however, I fully expect to be kept up to date on what is going on.
Just seems so childish to me. Hugs to you and YAY for "homecoming talk!"
Yikes. I would be fuming. Seriously, just furious. No service member should be called in by a superior because of a simple matter between the two peoples' WIVES. That's just ridiculous.
I'd complain to whoever her superior is, and I'd probably complain to the chain of command itself (but only after I'd cleared it with DH). I'm not sure how FRGs work for the Army (I'm assuming your H is Army?), but in the Marines we have a FRO, which is a full-time paid position. If this woman is being paid to do a job, and she A) isn't doing it properly, and
is violating your privacy and demonstrating some SERIOUSLY unprofessional behavior... well, she shouldn't have the position then. If she is just a volunteer, I'd still complain. I'd be loud and clear about having lost my trust for her, and for the unit's family readiness as a whole.The purpose of family readiness is to guide spouses along by answering questions and delving out information, and to foster a friendly environment between the unit and the families. What she's doing is the opposite, in every way possible. Oh, I'd be so mad!!
I have to disagree with this. Yes I think you should be kept in the loop, but that is on you and your SM. When you make the decision to move with family and not stay near the base, you are making the decision to keep yourself out of the loop with the FRG. Ours gives out information on dates and locations of port visits and homecomings and meetings, and spouses get pissed all the time when they live out of state and aren't sent the dates. There is no way of sending that information without violating OPSEC. Spouses are always told to get the info from their sailor, because you and your SM should have your own code for talking about dates.
With that being said, I think what the FRG leader did to you in this case was wrong, especially without contacting you first. I do know that in some cases the chain of command will talk to sailors for not keeping their spouses updated on info though. If you are really upset about it, send a letter or email to the chain of command.
1) It seems like there was a miscommunication, where you were asking for what happens when he comes home, and they thought you were asking when he comes home.
2) What should the FRG leader be calling you for, exactly? Just to say hi? See how you are? I don't think she should have to personally check up on every single spouse. I think it's enough to organize local events and be available if you have a problem (which granted, she wasn't... but you seem to think she should be calling you regularly?) When you move 16 hours away, you give up the local support network.
3) That said... don't let the FRG leader get to you. Remember, she's a person dealing with a deployed spouse too and she might just be overwhelmed. Some spouses go off the deep end when their guys deploy, and it can be a lot for an FRG leader to deal with (infidelity, drug use, initiating divorce proceedings, etc) so if she has a job and/or a few kids, she just may have a lot on her plate.
This isn't true, at least not the way you're making it sound. I've done three deployments with three different units and I've received emails each and every time with notifications of homecoming plans. You don't have to include the dates obviously but you can relay where they will arrive and what procedures will be followed for that. Units tend to come into the same place whether it's a unit wide policy or a post wide policy so the idea that saying we're going to pick them up at the parade grounds would be violating OPSEC is asinine.
Homecoming besides, there is nothing OPSEC violating that keeps the FRG from sending you an email when there is an FRG event planned even if you are out of state or cannot make it. I've had the FRG email for Breakfasts with Santa, to see if I wanted a free turkey, to let me know they were scheduling video chats, etc.
And the fact that the spouse has moved away doesn't keep the FRG from contacting you now and then by phone even if it's just to verify your email address and make sure you're receiving the information they've recently sent. It takes five minutes. And if your unit is so large that the primary FRG is unable to contact everyone herself, then she ought to set up a phone tree or ask for volunteers to help her contact everyone.
Click me, click me!
H's command has about 5,000 during deployment, so there is never individual contacting of everyone. There are FB groups and pages that any an all information that can be sent out goes through. Also, when they plan FRG events they send the invite out through FB to everyone in the group, regardless of where they live. Details for homecoming are also put out though there.
I was speaking more about specific dates for when the ship will be in ports or whatever, because this is a big issue at our command. At FRG meetings in a secure environment they will say "the plan is to pull into Bahrain from July 18-22, etc. Spouses get pissed that those dates aren't posted on FB, or when they call an Ombudsman it can't be told to them over the phone. They will get the minutes from all meetings put out, but of course it's not the information they want. So it's recommended that they have a code with their sailor to discuss dates because unless you're in the area or able to attend meetings, there is no way for FRG to relay that info without violating OPSEC.
The bolded part is what I was referring to in my post. I guess I should have made that more clear, and that I wasn't talking about homecomings necessarily, just dates in general during deployment. I fully admit that I'm ignorant about deployments with other branches, but with H's ship they pull nto usually 4-5 ports and so those locations and dates are what can't be shared with out of state family members through FRG.
In that case I'm not really sure why you wrote the reply that you did since the OP's vent was specifically with regards to homecoming and other events that aren't an OPSEC violation. So you basically just chewed her out for idiocies she wasn't even complaining about which pretty much puts you on the same level as the FRG lady who made her so cranky in the first place.
::shrug::
Click me, click me!
I was addressing Crown, and that's why I quoted her. I wasn't chewing the OP out, and I said I think what the FRG leader did to her was wrong.
I wasn't asking for her to contact me, in fact I wasn't really concerned with the fact that she hadn't- but i had sent an email with questions and never heard a response, I realize she's busy, but 2 weeks and no reply to my questions is a bit long. The FRSA was shocked that I hadn't been called at all in the past 10 months. She was the one who told me to make sure the FRG leader had my number. Which isn't even what I was upset about at all. I just wanted her to let me know she had my contact information. Just so I knew I would be in the loop for the future.
I was more upset that she involved her hubby and mine- while they are deployed, when there was no reason to. I wasn't being rude or hateful in any form or fashion.