June 2008 Weddings
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
kind of frustrated with DH
So I've asked DH to look into the Bradley Method, because I am really interested and would like to go to the classes. I would like to try a natural, non-medicated birth, and am already familiar with some of the relaxation techniques used in the Bradley Method through my line of work. I checked in with DH about it this morning to see if he did any research (he worked this weekend and often spends time online), and his response was, "Yeah, I was kind of hoping you'd forget about that..." Say what?! Basically DH thinks I'm a total pain wimp and doesn't support my goal of a non-medicated birth. So arming ourselves with more information to help the whole process is a bad thing because?! I believe we shall be discussing more in the near future 
Re: kind of frustrated with DH
This was/is my DH. He thinks I have "no tolerance for pain" and that I will cave and ask for the drugs. To humor me, he went to the classes anyway. I think he feels much more prepapred, but I think he thinks we have a 50/50 chance or lower of actually making it med-free.
When I ask for examples of me not dealing with pain well - he points to when I shattered my thumb and said that it hurt and then couldn't finish the softball game we were playing because I could not move the thumb. I didn't scream like a banshee or act like a baby. I iced it. And sat the bench. Still he seems to think that mentioning that I am in pain means I can't/won't be able to tolerate pain. Nevermind him screaming like a little girl when I attempted to touch a bandage on his leg . . .
In going through the classes though - I think I have learned that DH is really scared of how to deal with me when I am in pain. He doesn't really know how to cope with it or be nurturing, although he has improved some. He's actually the one who suggesed a doula (which I declined because I know him and know that if someone else is there he will step out of the way and let them handle it). He's also lazy and didn't want to go to class for 10+ weeks or do any reading.
If you really want to do Bradley, I would explain why it is important to you and why it is important that he support you as best he can. Hopefully he will come around. If he still isn't as supportive as you think you will need, you may want to consider hiring a doula.
Sorry this turned out so long but this is a touchy point for me - especially the pain wimp part.
Ugh! I can totally see why you would be frustrated! Silly DH just isn't getting it. :-)
I'm a total pain wimp too, I cry and curse like a sailor when I stub my toe but having an unmedicated childbirth is a lot different (and one of my ways of coping with that pain was cursing like a sailor-ha!). Maybe I should take a class on coping with toe-stubing pain-ha! Possibly you could explain this to him? Or, perhaps, you could ask the instructor if you can get a refund if you decided the class isn't right for you after the first session? Tha way you will get DH in the door and he will more likely to continue on from there.
Have you explained to him why you want a umedicated birth? Maybe that would help.
Neena Mae. 1/7/10
"A baby nursing at a mother's breast is an undeniable affirmation of our rootedness in nature." - David Suzuki
Well said! The softball game example made me LOL! It shows that you are good and managing and dealing with pain, which is good for labor. :-)
Neena Mae. 1/7/10
"A baby nursing at a mother's breast is an undeniable affirmation of our rootedness in nature." - David Suzuki
I think this is the key with DH. He's not sure how to handle me, and I think he's not sure how to handle himself. I recently found out that he is terrified of the NT tomorrow b/c of the potential negative results - but he talked with his MOM and not me. I mean, I get the need for extra support, but tell me too!! Anyways, as for the birth, our hospital actually has doulas on staff. Not everyone gets one, but if you request and someone is available they will work with you. Of course the downside is that you don't know who'll you'll be working with in advance.
And Jennrs - yeah, I admit, I don't have the best tolerance for pain, but I think it's a lot higher than DH would admit. I too, can be vocal :-)
Yeah, I plan to really sit down and talk with him soon. I'd like to say tonight, but he has an afterhours meeting, so I don't want to poke the bear
That would frustrate me too. Hopefully you can talk with him about why the classes are important to you, and coming from someone who was completely uninformed for their first birth, any knowledge has to be better than nothing.
I'm currently working on H to realize why I'd like to have a doula this time around.