June 2008 Weddings
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Poll: Your stuff
And I mean that literally...the stuff around your house.
Who has more stuff? You or DH (I'm not counting kiddos)?
Do you use the stuff you have on a frequent basis? Does a lot of your stuff sit around in case you need it "some day"?
Is the amount of stuff either one of you has a point of contention in your marriage?
Do you think you and DH's "stuff" habits come from parents, or something else?
Re: Poll: Your stuff
This is a HUGE point of contention in our marriage, this is why I wanted to post this.
DH definitely has more stuff than I do. In our new apartment, he has an entire room to himself, and he's taking up most of the storage closet, and its not even all put away and orderly...its out everywhere because he has so much of it. It drives me nuts.
I use a lot of my stuff on a frequent basis, unless I have it for sentimental reasons, or its a project I'm getting to later (which I have one latchhook project, a trunk I want to refinish (its small), and a quilt I need to put a back on). DH does not. He's big on hanging onto things because he may need it someday. Which about 90% of it has not been used since we've been married.
As I said, BIG point of contention. Our marriage counselor recommended we get a bigger place so DH coudl keep his stuff in one room and I could have another room to relax. Yeah, so now we're paying more for the bigger place and can no longer afford said marriage counselor. Plus, it makes me really, really fearful that when we need the space for kids someday that me and the kids will end up having to go without stuff because he wil refuse to get rid of it. I've pointed this out multiple times, and all he says is, "Honey, when the time comes I'll get rid of it." Yeah, and you've given me what proof that you're willing to budge on this? I don't belive him, and its scary.
We both definitely get our stuff habits from our parents. His parents' home is a disaster, full of old toys, old clothes, broken stuff that will be fixed "some day," things that may get used "some day". His sister has two wedding dresses, and no wedding date. His father has two (count 'em, two) vehicles that do not run, and have not run since DH and I were dating, and he still swears up and down he's going to fix them some day. On the other hand, I'm a total minimalist. I grew up with very frugal parents in a small home with five people, and there was not a lot of room for stuff. If we didn't need it, it didn't come in.
DH does have a tendancy to hold onto more stuff that I do. But he is open to getting rid of a lot of stuff, just does not think of it. He has gotten much better too. His parents hold onto everything. We have a lot of stuff in the basement. I would say he has more (old computers, old video games, etc). It is on our winter list to go down there and really get rid of stuff and set up a guest room down there to use.
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This is a problem area for us too, but mostly because DH and I both hang onto stuff. My issue with DH is that I rarely bring new stuff in the house unless it's related to a project. Meanwhile he's taking up the nursery closet and floor currently with all his camping/backpacking/rock climbing/hunting gear that he says cannot go in the attic or anywhere else. What irks me most is that he CONSTANTLY buys new stuff = saying he is upgrading. But he NEVER gets rid of the 'old' stuff. I have my pack that I bought in high school. DH has three packs - the cheapie one he bought to let friends use, the old one he used to use, and the new one he bought last year. His latest buying spree has been related to hydration packs. I think we have 4 different hydration backpacks floating around the house and I caught him eyeballing another one yesterday... Oh yeah, and DH also gets the FROG as 'his' room; which is also a MESS. Stuff all over the floor from when we moved over a year ago.
The stuff that I have? Family antiques/heirlooms, some poorly organized craft stuff that I need to get organized, and the gift closet. Which once I get organized shouldn't take up the whole closet I have available.
Anyway the difficulty we have is we both point fingers at the other. Yes, I am bad with clutter, but that's because I'm poor with organization. DH on the other hand is bad with clutter becuase he has too much stuff and is too lazy to put it away. Case in point? I put my dishes in the dishwasher, and DH currently has at least 5 empty coke cans on his end table.
Whoa, I needed that vent/rant. Thanks!
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DH has more stuff by far but he will never admit. In his mind, my clothes and books ( which I do have a lot of) outweighs his random junk.
THe issue is that H never, never, never throws anything away. I've learned to just toss stuff and deal with it later if he ever notices it.
It's a point of contention because H refuses to take responsibility. He admits to not throwing things away and keeping things just in case, but then he complains about the clutter. My mantra is if you don't need it, toss it. I'm fine with having collectibles but random stuff that has no useful purpose or place needs to go.
TO give you an example, when I was unpacking after our latest move, H had five boxes full of paper- just random papers including 2 full boxes of mail from 2007 that had never been opened. He also has a ton of inventory from a business that he opened and closed back in 2006. By now all the stuff is outdated but it just sits in the house,worth practically nothing. My sister thinks he's a hoarder and some days I think so too.
IMHO his habits come from laziness as his mom is a minimalist. He won't throw things away and say he buys something and it's the wrong thing- he keeps it. If something is broken he plans to fix it rather than throw it away which is good in theory but never happens. If we don't need something he wants to keep it and give it to some one who needs it- good in theory but it never happens unless I make arrangements. His heart is in the right place but without lack of follow through it just becomes overwhelming.
My way of dealing it is to toss stuff that's clutter, out of place ect. If it looks important, I place it on his desk- otherwise I go through the house with a trash bag every Sunday and just toss stuff.
The only thing he has ever missed is his ratty pillow.
I have most of the "stuff" I guess. Since I cook, craft and decorate H deems pretty much everything mine. He has his PS3, the games and accessories for that (Band Hero instruments, extra gun things, etc.), but that's about it. His hobby is karate, so that doesn't take up much space in the stuff department. He has his fishing gear in the basement, but that's not too much, and he thinks the tools in the basement are his, but really, I probably use them more than he does.
I do use most of my stuff regularly, or at least have plans to use it. I have A LOT of half completed projects laying around though.
H doesn't mention it if it does bother him. He doesn't mention a lot of things though that should bother him, so that's the point of contention in our house.
I think all my stuff just laying around is a result of our super tiny house and nowhere to put it. I'd love to keep it all neat and tidy, but there just isn't anywhere to store it where Alex can't reach, so it all gets closed off in our room.
I have more stuff. Though if we count the stuff in the garage and shed, then T has quite a bit too. I guess I consider lawn tools his stuff, lol.
I do not use a lot of my "stuff" on a frequent basis, I definitely hold on to stuff longer than I probably need to. It is a bit of a point of contention in our marriage. I tend to let stuff pile up. T is a neat freak. He holds on to a lot of random things, but they are all put away somewhere. He hates clutter, and I let stuff pile up.
My dad is a pack rat, and T is afraid that I've inherited that gene, lol! I try to keep on top of it, I don't just want to be piling stuff into the storage in our basement "just because". We could probably all stand to go without more stuff.
Claire Elizabeth 12/31/2011
Married Bio
I would say we have a similar amount of "stuff". I definitely have more clothes than he does, but he has more computer related stuff. Overall, we're both pretty minimalist. We live in a 1 bedroom apartment, and we've gotten creative with storage (our bed has drawers under it, and serves as our dressers, for example), but for the most part, if we don't use it frequently, it gets tossed (or craigslisted, or given to younger siblings, in the case of bigger stuff like TVs and furniture). I think it also helps that we share similar interests. As I result, I think we consider a lot of the stuff "joint stuff". Even though the camping stuff is really all Paul's, we both use it when we go camping. Also, it gets all packed into a big trunk and put in a high up cabinet above our linen closet when not in use. We both have bikes, so neither of us can really complain about that.
My mom is very minimalist, so I understand why I'm this way. MIL, on the other hand, has half a basement full of "just in case" stuff. At least it's all neatly put away on the storage side of the basement, though.
DH. Hands down. He would say me. Because my "stuff" is like pillows and other decorative items. His stuff? 4567* feet of phone cord "just in case". Meanwhile, we don't have a single phone jack in the house. He has an entire bag of crap in the basement that I call the "unibomber bag". It looks like the fixing for a bomb or kidnapping (old tape, wire, cords, glue etc). All "just in case". His office. Oh my his office. He has this TRAY of rubber bands. Not a single one has any elastic left and they all snap when you try to use them. He has a BAG of free pens and paper from pharmaceutical companies. None of this includes coins, stamps and other crap he collects but keeps at his Mom's b/c he knows better than to even try to keep it here. He totally gets it from his Mom and I've forbade him from passing it on to Jane.
I grew up in a house where if you didn't use something for 45 seconds it went into the trash.
* #s potentially slightly exaggerated
I am so OCD that I throw stuff away to clear clutter and then wish I would have kept it.
So, Dh has more.
Life of mrsjanks